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Is my girlfriend a little too friendly with her brother?

Tagged as: Big Questions, Dating<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (12 October 2009) 7 Answers - (Newest, 14 October 2009)
A male United States age 41-50, anonymous writes:

I was just out with my girlfriend and her brother the other day. Her brother is homeschooled and a pretty physically friendly guy, but the other day when we were walking around, he had his arm around her a good part of the day, even when I had my arm around her waist. This felt completely awkward for me, and I talked to her about it, but she thought it was ridiculous. To me this seems like something you should grow out of or inappropiate, like taking baths and sleeping in the same bed (which they don't do). I don't know if its reasonable or not, but it's bothersome.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (14 October 2009):

Different people have different viewpoints. Feelings aren't right or wrong, they just EXIST. Hopefully you have talked to your boyfriend about his fears. Open communication is excellent!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (13 October 2009):

What the very confused poster of the this particular question failed to add was that the brother was six years younger than his sister. He did not have his arm around his sister for "the good part of the day", in fact it was merely a handful of times(something like 5-6 times) he laid his arm on her shoulder for no more than 10 seconds. Similar to patting someone's back. Friends do this all the time, and families are no different. The poster also failed to note the fact that it was dark and the little brother was unlikely to see that the boyfriend was holding her hand. The girlfriend's family is warm and close and do hug each other. The boyfriend's family is not that way at all. To add, the brother and sister rarely get to see each other as they live far from one another and the whole family has always been close. Arms across shoulders is not abnormal at all. Assuming incest given so little detail is.

I love how the very few details stated in the question above can make something sooo innocent look so ugly. Further, I'm surprised and disheartened to live in a world where people immediately assume something as ugly as incest just because there are a lack of details. Do we always need to assume the very worst? Can't we just once believe there is an ounce of innocence left and give the benefit of the doubt?

I believe the readers have been misinformed and a little more detail was needed.

P.S. The above responses make me sick. I'm sure I'm not the only one.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (13 October 2009):

I wouldn't take it to that extreme of incest. Me and my brother have the same age gap, 22/18. We're not really touchy feely, because growing up our family wasn't all that "huggy." But we're close, they may be the same way.

Her brother is the only one guy, you don't have to worry about her being around.

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A male reader, Candleman United States +, writes (13 October 2009):

Candleman agony aunt

Yea man, that's weird. I've never seen this before. My first thought is that he is gay. That's just a thought. What ethnicity are they? There's an off chance it could be this. When I went to Romania a lot of the girls who were friends were holding hands w/ one another and of course you know what I begin to think. It was like everywhere I went. I thought I had gone back in time to the island of Lesbos. I was corrected by my wife that this is something very common over there for mere friends to hold hands like this.

When I was 12 and my cousin was 11, she wanted me to have sex w/ her. I came very close to doing so, but I just couldn't do it. I almost did though. I mean the hormones were raging, I was hard as a rock...shew, I'm glad I didn't.

I can see how this easily could happen in a bro/sis relationship of similar age. Do the hormones win out over the conscience?

I was curious about this and I googled brother/sister sex and actually found some stories. No statistics, but I'm not going to share these with you because it is possible for it blow this way out of proportion. It gives me the heebi jeebies thinking about it, so I can only imagine what you are going through.

There's not much you can really do though. I mean its not like she's going to tell you that she did or anything. Its going to bug the shit out of you though because there is now way you can just block this thought out of your mind. I guess you're gonna have to try.

Good Luck

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (13 October 2009):

Yep, something is not quite right there. Either the brother hates you and is trying to send you a clear signal or there is siblng attraction. (Not unheard of - it does happen.) Follow your instincts and listen to your gut. Strange as it may be, it's usually right or close enough to it. Good luck!

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A female reader, asian tealeaf Canada +, writes (13 October 2009):

asian tealeaf agony auntmy friend dated this chick, who was overely friendly with her brother. he thought the same thing as u. but, his spider senses were tingling. he suspected a little more. he found out 5 yrs later into dating her she had sex with her brother a few times before. but she said it was a long time ago. and it was nothing. boy, was he close to vomiting. she never cheated on him. it happened yrs before they started dating. um, keep ur eyes open, and dont ignore ur spider senses. my buddy was lucky to pay attention to his senses. they usually never lead u astray.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (13 October 2009):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

To add, my girlfriend is 21, and her brother is 17.

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