A
male
age
36-40,
*azyman87
writes:hello everyone,i'm probably in 'best friend for life' territory with a girl i know from uni. i'm 21 (soon 22) and she's 20. i have feelings for her, massively. i told her over the phone in summer, and she took it very well. we're not together but we still see each other regularly and it's not awkward.i go to her house to watch a film with her, we have a laugh, look into each others' eyes, and then i'll maybe get a goodbye hug from her.i have been 100% honest with her about why i like her. i feel i could love her. i have never been in love and really want to be. but we both know that i would never abuse our friendship, i might be a student, but i live by certain principles.i have tried to be with other girls, say on a night out, but they mean nothing. i don't have sex, etc with them, just dance and maybe kiss. all the time i want to be with her.she's still in love (she says) with her ex (a friend of mine).is there any chance she might like me? based on what i've told you, are we best friends for life, or is there a chance we could be more?seriously, thanks all in advance.
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male
reader, lazyman87 +, writes (18 November 2009):
lazyman87 is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni know it's a while sine i asked, but just to update you all: i'm getting over her, i'm quitting smoking, taking up slow jogging, doing things to get her out of my head.
i brought the subject up recently, and if she secretly liked me then she would surely have mentioned it by now. she tells me i can do so much better than her, i know i can't but that's life.
she won't sleep around, she never does. and the same goes for me.
i'm actually trying online dating to take my mind off her too, sad as it may sound (to some).
thanks all.
A
male
reader, Candleman  +, writes (12 October 2009):
 Damn bro, you got two things against you. 1. How long does it take her to cleanse herself of these feelings? and 2. Does she want to get into another serious relationship at this point?
What's the chances of her running wild for a bit in order to experience/cleanse?
Since she's not ready, then you're gonna have to move on. In order to do this, you need to limit your contact w/ her. Maybe this will make her see she needs to act, but don't do it for this reason alone. Do it for yourself.
I'd tell her the truth. Say, "Look, I'd move the world for you, and the more time I spend w/ you, the harder it is for me not knowing if I can ever be w/ you. I still want to see each other from time to time, and if you ever need someone, I'll be there. But, I've got to distance myself from you so that I can give someone else and myself a fair chance. Just know that if you ever desire to be more than friends, I am sure these feelings can be rekindled."
Your other option is hanging in there for god knows how long. You screw yourself because you are at univ where you have tons of girls to choose from. Your options usually decrease once you graduate. You have a whole pool of potential women who, if your campus is similar to my alma mater, consist of (generally speaking of course) freshmen/sophmores experimentalists and juniors/seniors looking for husbands (experienced the first half, was told by a soriety sister I dated about the second half.)
I've been there man. I was in love w/ this chic in 9th grade. She was in love w/ another. I took to the prom this freaking super hot chic that I just pretty much told to piss off after the prom because my heart was somewhere else. I regret the hell out of that, but only for carnal reasons. The other chic grew up and became a lesbian.
Until I distanced myself from that girl, it was impossible to not think of her. Hell it took a while even away from her to stop thinking about her. I wasted a lot of my life because of that chic.
GooD Luck My Friend
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A
male
reader, lazyman87 +, writes (10 October 2009):
lazyman87 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks both so far.
she'll never get with her ex again, he cheated on her, she hates him, but still feels an affinity to him. it's really weird. trust me they will never get back together.
i have to be patient but this is stopping me from getting involved with other girls. i know i might have a drunken dance with a random girl, but i can't really do anything more until this situation has been resolved.
if i was an objective bystander (phrase stolen from english caselaw!) i'd say there is definite chemistry and it's one to look out for, but do i wait? my love life is on hold.
if anyone else has an opinion, thanks in advance
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A
male
reader, Candleman +, writes (10 October 2009):
The biggest question you need answered is if she could have feelings along gf/bf line.
You've come this far with your feelings, I'd take it the next step. Say hey, every day that goes by my feelings for you get stronger and stronger. Can you just be honest with me and if you get over 'jerry the ex' do you think we could try. OR DO YOU SEE ME THAT WAY.
That's the biggie you want to know...'do you see me that way'.
You hope to get an definite affirmative or negative. Hopefully you don't get the maybe because you end up in the same boat you're in now. Though you have to be real cautious here, if you get the 'maybe' I'd look for body language that might tell a different story. If she smiles that could be good. If she crinkles her nose like smelling shit, could be bad.
Hopefully she's got enough intelligence and integrity to tell you no if that is how she feels.
You're problem is that if she says yes, then you're life's on hold emotionally because you'll continue to wait for her. How long do you wait? What if the ex comes back? What if someone comes along that she has a stronger attraction to? That's a tough thing to do and very risky.
If she says she doesn't then you probably need to avoid her for a while in order to get over her. The more you see her, the more it will torture you. That's your call there, just keep it in mind if she does say no.
Good luck to you and hope things work out.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2009): What keeps you from being best friends for life AND more?
I say be patient, be there for her and don't get your hopes up.
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