A
female
age
51-59,
*lly38
writes:Okay so my problem is my Fiance likes peeing on me and to be honest I can't stand it as the smell just makes me want to gag, I just have this thing about urine to start with so I have tried it and every time now we even get close to having sex it always comes up so I find myself not even wanting to go there and it is becoming a huge problem in our relationship. Can someone please help me as this realtionship is going to end if I don't find a solution and I can't seem to make him happy????? I have tried and just last week after I let him I felt so sick to my stomache I thought I was going to be sick????
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2009): Thats funny. I never even thought of "giving" one.
Anyway. This is what you do if he hasnt dropped the whole idea. Tell him you will only indulge him if he does something that you want to try. You will need to buy a big strap on dildo and a schoolgirls uniform. Not for yourself. For him. Now dress him up nice and dont bother with the lube.
A
male
reader, DoubleM  +, writes (18 October 2009):
 "Candleman" does a fine job with an in-depth version, while I strive to be succinct and to the point. Please forgive if I'm considered straight-forward or blunt. We both intend meaningful advice, as do all longtime responders on this Web site. Something yet mentioned is oral stimulation, just in case fellation is currently absent from your sex life with fiance. I'm only suggesting that the aforementioned activity may help assuage the guy's fetish (perversion) to pee on you, because many men greatly appreciate a good blow job - and many females prefer or enjoy sperm release. Oral activities, however and in my opinion, should always be mutually provided and enjoyed.
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reader, Ally38 +, writes (17 October 2009):
Ally38 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWow thank you all for your advice, I have tried to talk with him about it as I to feel that communication is so important but I think, Candelman said it best we deffinitly need a theripist to get involved. I know this may sound stuppid but I think I thought I could handel this on my own and I know that I can't. Thank you all for the advice as it helps me not feel so alone in my feelings. I have bought toys and all to try and spice our up our love life as I thought that may stop this fetish and if I could get him to enjoy something else then I wouldn't have to worry about this but its just not working. It always seems to come back to the peeing, so I think if I want this realtionship to work I need us to see proffesional help. Thank you all so much.. Any more advice is deffinitly appreciated!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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reader, Candleman +, writes (17 October 2009):
 This condition, Urolagnia, is listed as a paraphilia which is essentially a fetish that can cause distress in a persons life or those living with the person. It seems your options are a. find some way to incorporate this into your sexlife, b. allow your husband to have this fetish fulfilled outside of your sexlife, c. see if he can stop this behavior. d. a combination of these e. leave him.
A. This is going to be the hardest, because the reality is that peeing on someone is a degrading act. Completely counter to normal lust (ie just fucking) and normal intimate sex.
For your husband, he has this desire of incorporating the peeing fetish. So how to do this.
First, it seems that there would have to be a balance to where this action, since it is so disturbing to you, is limited. You need to have experiences that are intimate and normal for loving couples to share. At these times, the fetish is not allowed to be part of your actions. This would be the majority of your actions.
Then, there would be times when this fetish is incorporated. Possible solutions could be doing this in the shower where the water washes it off as it is flowing on you. He could drink a bunch of water and have cleaned out his bladder to where the times he does this the urine would be mostly water.
Could the fetish be limited to only peeing on your legs, or your feet. On parts of your body that make it more tolerable? Perhaps have a set of rubber sheets that it can then be cleaned up fast and there is no putrid smell lingering?
Like the one person said about using oil. What if he used some other fluid like oil and pretends he is peeing?
I'm sure there are other things that could work????
The point is that this is essentially his time. The focus is totally on him. It would be his role then to show his appreciation for what you have allowed, so that you would not feel degraded in the end or at least in the final summation of your total sexual experiences together. You would have to look at his time from the point of view of something like him ripping your pants down and fucking you real hard against the wall. It is ultimately just lust. It is not how he truly feels about you. That is a tall order to fill.
B. Allow him to experience this on his own. Obviously this doesn't mean a prostitute. I am referring to allowing him to watch porn that caters to the fetish. Maybe even buying a rubber doll that he can fulfill these fantasies away from you (it could be you add the doll in your sex life.) It can not dominate his sex life though because he has to be able to have intimate/regular sex w/ you. He would have to limit this fulfillment.
C. See if you can get him to stop. There are definately pscyhological reasons behind this fetish and it would be good for both of you to see a therapist in order to understand the reasons for the fetish. Perhaps it is something that once he understands why he has the fetish, he will no longer want to incorporate it in your sex life or he will be more understanding of limiting the act.
Find a therapist that has experience with fetishes. I would try a sex therapist, but would be open to other theraputic disciplines like pscyhoanalytic (Freudian).
D. Combo of all of these...
E. Leave him. You are asking a hell of a lot and you will be bending over backwards if you are able to incorporate this into your sex life.
Like Double M said, this is a degrading act that you would be willing to tolerate. And, what does this mean in how he truly feels about you and his ability to offer you the things that you would need in your sex life to feel loved?
If you can give him his fetish, can he give you what is fair and deserved in your sex life? And, can you trust it being genuine?
Here is where I stop and again state to see a therapist together. Get to understand this more. See if there is a solution. If there isn't, then you will have to leave.
I wish you the best.
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reader, DoubleM +, writes (17 October 2009):
Well that is a perversion that I cannot understand, except that it must come from some kind of desire to degrade another person. Pee is a waste product of the body, and this guy you plan to marry wants to dump it on you. Think about it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 October 2009): You have to talk to him and find out how much of a deal breaker it is for him. It's a given that you don't want it to happen again. So the question is whether he can go the rest of his life without ever doing it again, and whether it's going to be one of those tensions in a marriage that just builds up.
People go into marriages with buried kinks that may never surface. But this one has already been tried; he might not want to give it up. Communicate!
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 October 2009): You've done your part... you tried it (a few times) and it's just not for you... time to tell him it's not happening again...
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reader, Wapti +, writes (17 October 2009):
We did this very drunk years ago. I cannot imagine anyone wanting to do this. This said, my wife couldn't imagine hopw any woman could enjoy fellatio. A friend of hers thought we were outright perverts because we do anal three or four times every two years. The point is if this is important to him and you are totally repulsed, all it is going to do is either escalate or make him feel like what he want is unimportant therefore he is unimportant.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2009): This might sound weird, but maybe you should buy some sensual rubbing oil, or any rubbing oil as a matter of fact.(Oil that you cab rub on your body)
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2009): wow, that guy has some major issues. he is probably alittle selfish or abusive at times. Id be careful or ask him how he got into that sort of behavior and try to understand it better. Try not to get angry at him or show that your sickened by him. maybe he needs some counseling because my ex joked about it once and then said he was only kidding. If he was serious I would have been abit worried and talked it over or not allowed him to piss on me..tell him thats what the toilet is for.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2009): just talk to him about it , he's not supposed to do something that your not okay with it except if he's using you . good luck .
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reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (16 October 2009):
If you don't like doing something, you don't have to do it, and a decent guy will understand it and respect it. Tell him you don't like it and don't want to do it. If he's anything less than understanding, he's not worth your time anyway.
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