A
female
age
36-40,
*rincipleOfEvil
writes:Okay here we go, I have a few questions all wrapped in one. Me and my husband are going through a rough patch. I told him I didn’t like him watching porn he said he would stop a week later I saw him masturbating to pictures of his ex. He said he didn’t know why he did it and he still loved me and finds me attractive. It hurt and we’re working of redeveloping that trust and self image. One way that I have found to make myself feel attractive to him again is increasing the amount that we have sex. I am not the porn star type and I look nothing like his ex. I’m a plus size girl but I’ve always still considered myself…well…hot. After my initial period of self loathing and not feeling like I’m good enough I began to realize my husband must find me attractive as well. I can’t put on makeup…lotion…I can’t even get dressed without it becoming very apparent that he likes the view. So needless to say we’ve been having a lot of sex. BUT tonight he said his testicals really hurt, like he had been smacked. Do you think this could be because we’ve being going at it too much or should he go see the doc. He also has a bad habit of continuing even after he has reached climax. He says he wants to please me. I’ve tried telling him that I enjoy sex but too many things are going through my head when we are having sex. It’s like a sensory overload. I can’t help but think about how good it feels…at the same time I’m thinking about how toned his arms are…or how much I love feeling of the muscles in his back tense and relax…lol or how much I love his butt…. So I never climax…but I still enjoy having sex, it feels great and I usually store the events in the back of my head for when I have a little personal time…it’s like my own little naughty video….about him of course….Could this be what is causing his testicals to hurt? And how can I make him understand that even though I don’t climax during sex I still enjoy doing it?
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female
reader, PrincipleOfEvil +, writes (20 October 2009):
PrincipleOfEvil is verified as being by the original poster of the question Candleman, First of all thank you :o)… Secondly I have never actually had an orgasm with any man and I have told my husband that once before, I might tell him again to reassure him. Reaching an orgasm with him would be desirable not so much because of the climax itself but rather just being able to experience that with him. I haven’t really tried having an orgasm during sex before my husband but I’m beginning to try a little more. I’ve showed him how I like to be touched and he’s getting the hang of it at the same time I have also been trying to change how I think about sex and what I expect from it. There have been a few times that I have gotten close but haven’t gone over the edge so we’re getting there. I will try changing the subject if he brings it up and reassure him. Thanks again for the advice.
A
male
reader, Candleman +, writes (20 October 2009):
 Howdy,
Three issues, 2 questions. As far as the testicles. I've never had that happen to me before or enough to where it stands out. You'll get more feedback on this from others. If it persist, I would go to a urologist to be safe. I'm always safe than sorry w/ medical issues.
As far as reassuring him, that's tough because it is something that guys worry about. Put yourself in his shoes. Imagine every time you have sex, he doesn't have an orgasm. That would worry you huh? That's why women fake so much. Please don't do this though.
Have you ever had an orgasm w/ a man and if so, does he know about it? This could be your best stance to take. Its only like 25% of women who have vaginal orgasms w/out clitoral stimulation. This fact should make him feel more at ease.
Now if you've told him that you have before then that's a horse of a different color. Then its a matter of him having to accept this reality. Hey we're all not Don Juan. Tough pill to swallow though.
All you can really do is praise the positive side of your sex life. Keep showing him you enjoy it. Change the subject or start a subject if you see it is creeping into the moment. Look him in eye and say, "Please don't worry about this." and start talking about something else. Be firm if you have to so that he isn't allowed to run away w/ these feelings.
When you achieving an orgasm becomes an obsessed focus of your sex life it can destroy it and then follows the relationship. I present this caution before I proceed.
The reality is that you can work on having an orgasm. It is possible for it to happen. You need to understand your sexual response cycle and that, on average, it takes longer for you to get to the point.
Look up Human Sexual Response Cycle. Basically you have three stages...a. Arousal b. Plateau c. Orgasm. A woman takes longer to go through this cycle. This is why foreplay helps. The key is to keep his level in the plateau area while you build to the orgasm. This means starting and stopping, going slow at first, these sorts of things.
You also need enough stimulation to get you through the cycle. There are things you can do to help this no matter the size of the penis. You've heard of Kegel exercises? Look them up. It is the action you use to cut off your pee. Doing this during sex, you can tighten your vagina which can increase sensation (caution it also increases his sensation which may put him over the edge.)
There is manual stimulation of the clitoris. Either one of you can do this or do something different like have him touch your hand while you're doing it. Masturbate in front of him so he can learn your method.
Angels...I'm an average size man but my wife has an orgasm when we have vaginal intercourse. The best position is her on top. She will arch her back to where the penis is going in and out in a way that it stimulates the clit. You can do this reverse cowgirl and a lot of other positions as well. Probably one that could work w/ you guys would be in missionary position with him leaning forward so that he is angeling it properly and then you can grab a hold of his sexy arms. (that's the problem w/ your excuse is that things like that should help you get over the edge and actually can.)
The key is to go slow and figure out what works for you. Be patient with this.
There's always oral sex.
There are other things you can do, but that is enough to get you started. I'm sure others will have ideas too.
I stress again to not become obsessed w/ this. Don't let this take the fun out of sex.
Best Wishes
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