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female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: I met someone I fell in love with when I was 22 years old. We instantly fell for each other, about 4 months later we moved in together and spent pretty much every day together for the next 2 1/2 years. Because we were from different countries, I moved to be with him, and we ended up marrying to make immigration easier. We were happy for a while. But I suffered from depression, I was homesick, immigration took a really, really long time, we battled with family trouble and unemployment etc. etc.Long story short, we divorced. I am now only 25 years old. I have been desperately trying to process everything since my whole world turned upside down. I realise that it was the right thing to do, but have been mourning the loss of our relationship, and have been feeling really lost. I am also feeling so ashamed that a long term relationship and marriage failed. I feel so useless and stupid. I feel like trash for being married for essentially less than a year. I never dreamed it would turn out this way and if I had a choice I would push on and try to make it work.Now I'm left feeling embarrassed about being a "divorcee" at such a young age and wonder if going back into the dating world I'll have any problems. Am I seen as "damaged goods"? Do men around my age really care about that sort of thing or am I doomed to have this baggage and this history? I feel like it's an important thing that happened to me, and it's part of my life, but I am also ashamed, and want to just pretend none of it ever happened. What are some opinions from men here? Would you be scared off if the woman you were dating got divorced so young?
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female
reader, hsparrow414  +, writes (11 September 2009):
hi-your story is similar to mine! I was married at 22, afer re connecting with an old fling, we dated for 4 months, engaged for 4 then married in 06. Then 8 months after we moved overseas for his job. I was really depressed at first, then met friends there which made things better, but they were all older and have done tigns with their lives. Here I am 3 years later, married for for in Jan'10, and I'm 25 and have nothing to show for it. I mean the travellign and perks were great and I did get to go back to the states every few months, but I feel like we both have grown apart. He is 31 and I am 25 now,I moved with him for his career and left mine behind. I am dying to go back to school and or go to work. We are both at different points in our lives and for a while I feel like I am not ready to be married now. He is a great guy but wants a family, I am no ready for one.Right now I am home visiting in the states and divorce has been comng up alot, I'm afraid to hurt my him. We talked about it the other day and he was heartbroken. He loves me so so much but I don't feel the same love for him. I really want to be on my own but the guilt of leaving him overseas is killing me. Help! Any advice you have would be so helpful!!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2009): This isn't the nineteenth century. Nearly everyone has a few failed relationships before they find the right one. You and your ex made a mistake in getting married, but you rectified that mistake pretty quickly by getting divorced. No, I don't think many men would be put off by the fact that you got divorced so quickly. I'm a man, and it wouldn't worry me.
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A
male
reader, mytwocents +, writes (30 June 2009):
 I'll give you a guy's perspective--since you asked.
I’d hate to put it in such crude terms, but it's the truth: most guys (even quality guys, not just sleeze-bags) will be happy that you're hot, young, and great to be around. Of course there’s a type that will care about your past (I consider myself sort-of in that group). But those guys mostly care if you’ve been promiscuous or not. For that bunch, it’ll be a PLUS that you were with ONE guy during that whole time. Of course there’ll be a small minority that’ll freak out because you’ve been married and had intense feelings for someone, but there’s always going to be a group of people that don’t like something about you. Even if you hadn’t been divorced, it would be something else for some other group of people. Look around this website, everybody’s got something--even the teenagers, it seems.
So forget about this shame and baggage business. Most guys, myself included, would TOTALLY date a divorcee.
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A
female
reader, lovnlife +, writes (30 June 2009):
why not it means he likes commitment he tried something and it didnt work dont miss out on a good thing what works for some people wont work for everyone
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