A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My girlfriend has recently been having issues with premarital sex. We have had sex, and we both enjoy it, but sometimes she feels guilty about it. It goes back and forth. She is getting closer to God, and Im all for that. She has a very promiscuous past, that I wish I didnt know about, but I do. I guess this whole thing is on my mind because I know her sexual past, and we have already been having premarital sex. We are both extremely serious and committed to our relationship and our future. Am I wrong for thinking that because of her past, and because we are already having sex that it would be a waste to stop until we are married? Thanks for any advice.
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female
reader, babymama99 +, writes (2 June 2009):
 If she is trying to get closer to GOD you should respect that. And maybe you should join her. Eventhough she has had sex before does not mean she can't have a new beginning.
If you do something before knowing that it is wrong, you can't be charged with disobediance, just ignorance.
However if you do something knowing that it is wrong it is willfully sinning in the eyes of GOD.
I think this will be a great thing for your relationship. get closer without the sex. you will also KNOW that you will have a faithful wife who is putting her past behind her where it belongs and looking toward a bright future with only you.
A
male
reader, passionatelynumb +, writes (2 June 2009):
 The bottom line is that if she is growing in her faith and feels guilty for having premarital sex, any pressure from you to have it is only going to cause her to lose respect for you. She could end up harboring resentment towards you for the rest of her life.
However, if you respect her wishes and wait to have sex until after you two say "I do", think of the message you would be sending her. You'll essentially be showing her with your actions that you love her so much that you put her faith and emotional well being above your own sexual desires. I can't think of a more powerful way of saying I love you.
I mean if you really love her and are serious about marrying her, then you shouldn't really have a problem with waiting until you slip that ring on her finger. I mean isn't a year or so without sex worth a happy guilt free marriage? That's how she'll be looking at it.
Look at the bright side. You'll now be able to make a clear headed decision about whether your not she is the one. All of those hormone-infused emotions that sex brings to a relationship won't be clouding your judgment. It’s really not a bad situation. Plus you’ve already had sex with her so you know what you’ll be getting if you do marry her.
If, on the other hand, you aren't really that serious about marrying her and are just looking for some consistent, easily available sex until someone else comes by and catches your eye. Then move one. There are plenty of promiscuous women out there willing to jump into bed with pretty much anyone.
Why pressure this woman into doing something she doesn't want to do when you can go find someone else? Trust me, she'll have no problem finding a guy in her church or elsewhere that would be willing to wait until after marriage to have sex. There are plenty of guys on religious dating websites that feel as convicted about premarital sex as she does.
I'm not judging you or her. I personally don't believe in saving sex until marriage anymore, but I did for many years, so I know how deeply held these beliefs can be.
Take my word for it, respecting her wishes now will speak volumes of the kind of man you are and you will earn a tremendous amount of respect in return from her as well.
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A
male
reader, mytwocents +, writes (2 June 2009):
 I agree with you that it would be a hollow, silly gesture to stop having sex at this point, only to resume after marriage. Like the saying goes, that’s a little like closing the barn after the horses have already gotten loose. Not having sex with you for a little while after a whole past of promiscuity also doesn’t rectify that past. Living a good life with her new partner does.
I’m not a religious person anymore, but I used to be. I never understood how not having sex (especially within a loving, monogamous relationship) has anything to do with getting closer to God. God created an infinite universe with QUADRILLIONS of stars and QUINTILLIONS of planets in it. I can assure you, He doesn’t care if one of his creations on one of those planets is putting his penis into another one of his creations. He has, as they say, bigger fish to fry.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2009): dude I feel your pain, but lets be honest, you want us to give you ammo to change her mind.
Listen she likes sex she is a sexual being and there is nothing wrong with that or in anyway unholy.
I would point out to her that one of he closest friend of Jesus Christ was a prostitute. As long as you love each other theres nothing at all wrong with sex go for it and knock yourselves out,
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2009): It's never too late for her to clean up and start practicing religion. If she does, you need to respect her beliefs. Saying/doing otherwise is going to make it look like you're only after sex. If she does want to refrain from sex till marriage, look at it this way: she is obviously sincere in her desire to leave her past behind. Her past behavior would indicate that she loves sex as much as you do and that giving it up till marriage would be a sacrifice for her as well. So if it's one she wants to make, you should let her. She probably wants to feel like she is making a fresh start for her future life with you...take that as a compliment!! Good luck :)
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