A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:HeyI've been with my girlfriend for 3 months. I too am a girl n for her this is her first lesbian relationship yet it is my third. However it is my first sexual lesbian relationship. Were both 17 and I have fell in really deeply and it seems she has too. Yet were both really jealous and possesive of each other. She has 3 male friends which have told her they want to be with her n I'm scared shed prefer this. She is a virgin with a guy n I am not, she says one day before she's 18 we will have to go on a break to allow her to loose her virginity. I am sooo scared about this.I am really falling in love with her. She hangs out with these guy mates alone for instance goes to the cinema with them, just him n her n she says I'm too possesive n I can't question her it's just a friend. But she's told me she wants to have sex with a guy n I'm not meant to be worried when she's alone with one who has made it clear he wants to get with her like that? The past few days however I've really took everything out on her and she's close to ending our relationship, she says she loves me but why should she feel guilty about hangin with a friend just because they have feelings for her.I went the wrong way about informing her that I was worried n I was like oh wow I'm goin cinema with this guy tomrow , one she knows likes me. He is a friend yet I just wouldn't go to the cinema alone with him as it would give him the wrong idea n I know how my gf would feel n I wouldn't want her to feel like that. She always tells me she wants to spend the rest of her life with me n that she will never leave me. Yet last night she was so close to leaving me. How can I show her that I'm sorry, that she means so much to me. This morning she said lets not talk about last night over text yet the way she talked to me wasn't the same.It's so complicated there's so Many more problems with the relationship however when were alone it's amazing, I've never felt anything like it. We have hardly anything in common but it works perfectly. We laugh n joke n it feels like it will never end. Yet we argue over other people n friends. Do u think it will work? From the outside what seems to be the problem?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2009): I totaly get what you are geting at .I think that you should take her to a romantic movie and then to a nice romantic dinner. i know how nyou feel i feel that way about one of my best friends and she doesent feel the same way .
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 July 2009): She is not acting bi, she is not acting gay she is acting like a bitch. Leave her and start your life with someone who actually gives a damn about your emotional welfare.
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A
male
reader, mytwocents  +, writes (16 July 2009):
 I have to agree with auntylil on this one.
Your girlfriend is definitely crossing a boundary here. If you two are in a serious, monogamous relationship, she needs to respect that. She obviously sees the relationship between you and her as casual enough that she can go outside of it and then come back to it at her will. That’s different than how you’re treating it--as a truly exclusive relationship. She needs to recognize that her getting with a guy is the same as her going off with another girl.
You need to make clear to her that she’s creating a great deal of distress for you by constantly introducing the threat of other partners into your relationship. Tell her you can’t live like this, and that you want her to be exclusive with you while you’re together. If and when she wants to go off and be with a guy, she needs to do the right thing and break up with you first. This isn’t too much to ask for. Let her know that as much as you love her, there is no guarantee that you’ll just sit around waiting for her to go get her jollies with a guy. And, as much as you love her, you can't live with an arrangement like the current one.
Tell her you'll ease up a lot more about her hanging out with her male friends if you can re-draw some boundaries that are acceptable to the BOTH of you. For instance, how about not hanging out with them one-on-one (which resembles a date). And, how about she agrees that she won't be intimate with any guy as long as you two are officially together. That way, you don't have to constantly worry that she's going to hook up with one of her friends.
Lastly, it might be a good time to have the discussion with her about her "lesbianism." Whereas for you, it is clearly your true sexual orientation, it seems like it could be a fleeting, casual thing for her. You've had other same-sex partners and have demonstrated your ability to remain committed and develop true feelings for them. From your description--it seems like she could just be experimenting and remains unsure.
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A
female
reader, auntylil +, writes (16 July 2009):
First off, stop the jealousy! You will drive her away. Personally though what she has said about a break for her to lose her virginity to a boy is horrible and hurtful. You have feelings and you love her why would it be fine for her to break off to go sleep with someone else. If you have had sex before she cannot lose her virginity to a boy as it has already gone. She can pop her cherry vis a vis boys but she is certainly not a virgin if you have been together in that sense.
If she thinks she may be bisexual, she should leave you now and find out for certain. I am bisexual but would never have said that to a woman I loved as the person I am with is all I need. If you are frightened she will prefer it, well that is something she needs to find out and you need to accept and move on with your life without her.
It is no good her saying she will come back to you, you are not a second class citizen who can be dumped while she goes and sleeps about and then strolls back into your life. You must calmly demand more respect, I worry that you are becoming a paranoid doormat because of this treatment(which I do not blame you for!)
I have no doubt this woman is wonderful in all other respects, but you must understand that this is not way to be treat by the one you love. Granted your relationship may be great when your alone but there are other people out there that can give you this (even though it will not seem like it at the moment)
I stayed many years in a relationship that was filled with great laughter and communication but fell apart around others and I never thought I could fall in love again. I did and she treats me wonderfully, we are not jealous, if we became jealous it would mean I had lost trust in her and once the trust is not there, why bother with the relationship. Strong love between women is about loving, caring relationhips where the women would do anything not to hurt the other and who trust each other and give them space to be lovers but also indivuals. Not something in which lovers demand to sleep with others and thereby scaring and hurting their partners so keenly. She must know this is unacceptable behaviour and has led to your accusations. The hurtful actions on both sides must stop or you should part, you are young and should be having a great relationship.
Please please think hard about where this relationship is heading and please respect yourself enough to put a stop to this awful "I am going to leave you to sleep with a bloke" threats. You are worth more and she needs to work some stuff out in her life. Your girlfriend must have issues to be so hurtful to her lover.
Also you need to be in a loving relationship which thrives on good times, laughter and no stress. I would never think to question my lover on her nights out with friends and vice versa. We think to highly of our lives to go through a relationship filled with drama or arguments. Chill, relax and be young!
I hope this helps and please dont take offense at my hard words at the girl you love. I only hope to help.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2009): I think its insensitive of her to go to the cinema with a guy friend that likes her.
Also, it sounds like she is bi not gay and fancies guys aswell, especially if she is saying that she wants to loose her virginity to a boy! HELLO!
you need to sit down and talk through your issues together.
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A
female
reader, jaecee +, writes (16 July 2009):
being as young as you both are she may be wondering what being with a guy would be like and maybe shes worried that if she never tried it she will never know for sure if shes 100% lesbian, i suggest you let her go if she really loves you she will come back and hopefully she will be more sure of her feelings toward the female sex, its a confusing time especially as this is her first same sex relationship but its unfair on you to be expected to wait about until she decides if its a man or a woman she wants. let her know u want a totaly faithful relationship if she cant give you that then you need to break free coz the longer you leave the more its going to hurt
x
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