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female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: hi plz help, in a normal relationship is it right that u should wake up and find your partner has had or is having sex with you this has happend so many times. xxxxxx Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 May 2009): I've woken up to my bf trying to penetrate me and honestly i think its hot. If you love him what the heck does it matter?
A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (16 May 2009):
 ?
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female
reader, birdynumnums +, writes (15 May 2009):
Go for a "Bobbit"...
With apologies to all the male readers who are wincing right now...
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female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (14 May 2009):
 You must be one sound sleeper, that's all I can say. I'd be awake in a flash if someone got anywhere near my butt. And someone would be nursing a very sore nose.
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A
male
reader, unclezak  +, writes (14 May 2009):
with you clarification, this is seriously bad! why not try sticking a dildo up his ass whilst he's still asleep?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2009): yes, at times we all have sex while still "half asleep" but most of the time it is "consentual" sex with our partners. and we roll back into a deep sleep with a smile on our faces!
the poster's partner is having anal sex with her without her consent. he knows she doesn't like it but seems to be getting away with it while she is asleep.
this is wrong.
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A
female
reader, pebble +, writes (14 May 2009):
 Seriously, if it bothers you that much tell him to STOP doing it. If he's any kind of decent guy then he will.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2009): hi i am the poster of the question, he goes for my bum when i sleep it is humiliating sometimes i wake up and its all over other times he wakes me up doing it. there is no other touching or kissing just that. he knows im not keen that he does this. thank you for takin the time to offer some advice xx
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2009): hi it would be rape if she told him not to do it after the first time and he still did it pure and simple
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2009): Sorry but if I woke up and found my partner on top of me, having sex. I would freak out big time. It's not right and unless you have some sort of agreement where you both find it a turn on, then yes it is rape.
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A
male
reader, mytwocents +, writes (13 May 2009):
 It really depends what you deem "normal." I'll tell you my story.
I had a girlfriend years ago that absolutely LOVED this. In fact, it's still one of my fondest sexual memories. I discovered it by chance late one night. She was a heavy sleeper and I woke up horny in the middle of the night. I saw her next to me half naked in the dim light and she looked irresistable. So, I thought "what-the-heck," and started touching her all over, before settling into some light fingering her through her panties. I honestly thought I'd awakened her, since that was sort of my intention, and because she got really wet, started moaning quietly, and wiggling her tush around gently. Besides, who can sleep through that anyway? But after a several minutes, she jumped up startled and said, "I thought I was dreaming." She was a little shocked and freaked-out at first, but then admitted that it felt good without any prompting from me.
After that, I gradually got into the habit of doing it to her when I'd wake up in the middle of the night. She grew very fond of it. Over time, I got good enough--I kid you not--to sometimes slide into her (if she was on her side, especially) and not wake her up until she was pretty far along. I would do it SUPER-gently and SUPER-slow. Sometimes she'd wake up a little as I was trying to re-position her or something. But, since she slept like a bear, she'd slip right back into sleep if I played my cards right. She'd orgasm half asleep and I would too. We'd both sleep like babies after that. Every now and then she'd wake up outright and we'd just do it regular.
Rape is an ugly word that shouldn't be thrown around lightly and irresponsibly as it some times does. There are plenty of contributors on this site that are no-question victims of this heinous crime. But I'm not sure this particular situation qualifies.
This seems more-than-likely a simple, non-violent, non-forceful sexual misunderstanding within the confines of a monogamous, long-term (maybe even live-in) relationship. Talk with him and clear it up.
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A
male
reader, unclezak +, writes (13 May 2009):
it could be you who initiated it in your sleep... :-)
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female
reader, Lilly Rose +, writes (13 May 2009):
 Well you should ask your partner as to why he enjoys having sex while you sleep. Surely sex is a bonding thing something you both do together, if your unsure about it ask him not to do it as you get nothing from it and it is not fair, maybe he thinks u enjoy it, but talk to him if it keeps up then kick him out of bed!!!
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female
reader, birdynumnums +, writes (13 May 2009):
If you haven't discussed it, you should. How you feel about it is the important thing! If you don't like it, then it is akin to rape because he knows you don't like this and have not consented.
However, if you like being woken up like that and he knows it, it sure beats the heck out a the NEEEEE-NEEEEE-NEEEEE-NEEEEE of an alarm clock...
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male
reader, ArmyMedic +, writes (13 May 2009):
 Unless you have told him you like to be woken up that way, what he is doing is technically rape.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2009): Depends if the partner is awake or asleep (the partner could be female here)....
can we have a few more details please poster. What happened when you awoke?
Star.x.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2009): Kellyxxx, there are missing elements in this person's question. Your logic would dictate that if a man's girlfriend gave him a blowjob while he's asleep, that then must automatically be sexual harassment, or if a man caressed his partner's face and arms while she's asleep, then it must also automatically be inappropriate.The missing elements in the poster's comment has to do whether she was against this or not. If she was against this, then this could be considered rape. If she was not against this, then her question asked whether this is 'normal'.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2009): Like the previous poster said, that sounds very much like rape to me. It is, after all, still having sex with someone without their consent - or knowledge! Totally wrong and inappropriate.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2009): it can be, i love being woken up by my bf giving me oral or doing that...but then again, ive spoken to him about it and told him how i find it a turn on
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2009): does he seem to be asleep too? if not you need to speak to someone about it. there is a controversial medical syndrome where couples can have sex in their sleep, but it is more common that it affects one of the pair and not both. ring someone up, look in your yellow pages x
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female
reader, kellyxxx +, writes (13 May 2009):
 That's called rape
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