A
female
age
36-40,
*heronosh
writes:Like many couples, after sex, my boyfriend and I shower together. This usually leads to more erotic play; oftentimes it is the highlight of sex for me, especially since I find the water incredibly stimulating. My boyfriend is aware of this and surprised me last week by eating me out in the shower. At one point, he managed to stimulate my clitoris, G-spot and U-spot at once, something I'd never felt before. I don't know how he did that but it felt amazing!Here's the problem. While he was down there, on his knees, he reached for the soap dish and out popped a ring. And right there, while massaging my pussy mound, he proposed. I was so caught in the good feeling that, without second thought, I said yes. He slipped the ring on my finger and then proceeded to do me doggy style there in the shower. After that, we collapsed together in the shower and washed each other. It was the single best sexual experience of my life. But it also made me his fiancee and now I am having second thoughts.For one, I think it was incredibly unfair for him to spring the question on me during sex, when I didn't have an opportunity to think it through more carefully. We have only been seeing each other for three months. I feel I was pressured into it.I also feel embarrassed because he has told his friends about it. They don't say anything around me, of course, but I overheard them joking about "here comes the bride" with my boyfriend.My best friend thinks it was degrading for him to doggy style me just after I accepted his proposal. She has told me that if I marry him, she would prefer not to be the bridesmaid. I don't know if she's just jealous because she's a virgin or if she has a point.Finally, it just occurred to me that I could never tell one of those nice proposal stories like my parents have. My dad proposed to my mom at a picnic near a lake. They still visit there on the anniversary of their engagement. When I was a little girl, I wanted a model like that for my own children. What will I tell them now?The more I think about this, the more doubts I have. I tried bringing them up with my boyfriend, but he just complained about how much the ring costs and said that backing out would hurt him.
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anniversary, best friend, clitoris, fiance, g-spot, jealous Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, pebble  +, writes (20 May 2009):
 Yup, a marriage based entirely based on sex, because THAT'S going to work out.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 May 2009): Fact is, you only been dating for three months and you said you accepted because at the time, well you weren't thinking straight! I think you need to tell him to slow down. Three months isn't long enough to really know someone.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 May 2009): i think you are blowing this proposal way way off. it was "romantic" lustful , exciting during the time. i think your problem is not the manner of the proposal but the proposal itself. you are questioning everything because it is too soon. you have doubts and so does your friends. so if in doubt , you can do without going through it for now. take your time. you do not have to hurry into marriage.for now just enjoy the minblowing sex you described to us. lucky girl.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 May 2009): Here's the problem with every response that's been posted so far.
There's nothing inherently wrong with the way your boyfriend proposed to you. Except that it doesn't match you.
And there's obviously no one right way to propose. But we, not just as women, but as people, have ideas about how things are supposed to work, and we carry those ideas around with us. They matter to us. To some more than others. And apparently your boyfriend either didn't know, or didn't care, that you are the kind of person who would need to be proposed to in a more chaste setting, that she'd feel comfortable telling her grandma about.
You say you guys have only been dating for three months. That's not so long, and it suggests that maybe you don't know each other as well as you might. Why the rush to get engaged?
Also, when you raised your doubts with your boyfriend, why focus on the money spent on the ring?
When you're talking about getting married, you're talking about building a whole life together. Having kids together. Growing old together. Do you know him well enough to take that step yet? Does he know you well enough? Are you both mature enough? Are you able to communicate freely, about the things that are really bothering you?
I know only what you've written about your relationship in your post, but you know all there is to know about it. If you allow yourself to ask the right questions, I think you'll understand pretty quickly whether this is a minor misunderstanding or reflective of a much deeper failure to communicate about what makes each of you who you are. Once you do, the hard part will be empowering yourself to act on that understanding. Taking action can be scary, but allowing your life to be determined by the force of inertia ... that's a recipe for disaster.
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A
male
reader, mytwocents +, writes (18 May 2009):
 Perhaps I'm looking at this the wrong way, but hear me out.
There is no ONE type of proposal. There are wildly romantic ones, like the guy that travels 6,500 miles into the jungles of Africa to meet his researcher girlfriend and propose to her in the savannah. There are funny ones, like the guy that proposes with a 25-cent plastic ring he bought at the corner store. There are cute ones, like the guy who invents a scavenger hunt for his girlfriend to solve and at the end is a ring.
The type of proposal is a reflection of the type of relationship--romantic, funny, cute, whatever.
Yours was lusty and passionate. That's not a bad type of relationship to have. In fact, many people would kill to have a relationship with feelings that intense. And, frankly, I disagree that this is even a bad story to tell. Sure, the audience can't be a bunch of 10-year-olds, but there are plenty of people that wish they had a proposal this memorable. You needn't tell all the lusty details, but I don't see anything wrong with saying, "my boyfriend proposed to me in the shower." I doubt anyone will ask you what position he had sex with you right after. That's private. I'm sure people have had doggy-style sex right after a cute, perfect proposal on a white-sand beach too. No one ever mentions that part.
What did you want: another cliché guy on his knee at the beach? That happens everyday, everywhere. In fact, that's probably happened several times while I'm typing this message. Don't stress yourself out trying to fit into a Hollywood image. Passion beats cliché any day of the week.
Yours is something unique and special. So what that it was a little naughty and tricky?
If you want to marry this guy, marry him. If you don't, don't. How you FEEL about him is what matters. The proposal shouldn't.
And, even if it did, you got a pretty unique one.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2009): I wish i'd have thought of proposing to my wife like that. The only problem is; she would have me proposing every night for the next two years.
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A
male
reader, Who +, writes (18 May 2009):
 Tell him he has to try the proposal thing again. Tell him you will put the ring away in a safe place and not wear it until he comes up with a better way to propose. Or you will give it back to him and he can try to give it to you again, his choice. And make it clear he has some work to do if he wants to increase the changes of you saying yes the second time. Make it clear that if he asks you again right now, you will say no. If he balks at proposing again, tell him all right, the wedding is off and here is your (not mine) ring back.
Work out for yourself what you have doubts about. Are these things you think he can change? If so tell he and see if he can do it. If you don’t think he can change them, I suggest you play for time in order to let him down gently. Telling him he can work on things and propose later will give him something to do rather than getting angry and complain to you. It will get him to back off for a while and give you both a chance to think about it.
Hurting his feeling and the cost of the ring are NOT reasons to marry a guy. If after thinking about it you decide not to marry him, tell him BEFORE he proposes to you again. Don’t set him up for humiliation. If you do decide to marry him, let him know the type of proposal stunt that is going to work for you.
By the way, you will want to look up your state laws about giving the ring back if you break the engagement.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, Olly  +, writes (18 May 2009):
 Hmm, Thats tricky. He may have been very nervous to ask you and figured that the safest time would be while in the shower, he knows you two like it there, and he felt at ease. I agree with you that it was kinda unfair, but you MUST love him if your first reaction was yes. If I were you I would tell him how you feel about the not having a romantic proposal and how it kindof bugs you. I would tell him that you still want to be with him but that you've always thought of a proposal to be romantic and if he were to propose to you at a different time it might be better for you, just like a little side memory to getting engaged, like a fancy dinner or something. Just give yourself a romance story to tell. I think its a little crazy that you've been dating only 3 months! Im moving in with my boyfriend at the end of this month, we've been dating for 7 months and marrage is the last thing on our minds, although we love eachother verry much. are you happy?hope I was help :)cecile
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A
male
reader, garcypher +, writes (18 May 2009):
You wern't pressured into it you were pleasured into the proposal. There is a difference. What better way could there be? As for your friend she sounds a bit jealous, but maybe she doesn't want you rushing into things. It's not how he proposed thats the problem, it's how soon that probably upsets your friend. You obviously have good sex, but that isn't everything. Tell him you want to wait for a while before finally making your mind up. After all you don't know him - and he doesn't know you. Sometimes the sex can burn out as quickly as it started. You have got to make sure he respects you too.
If you had been seeing him for a couple of years and he proposed in the shower the way he did people would not be so negative.
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