A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:What do you think is the common things you have to think about before losing your Virginity?Ive heard that most people really regret it. all my friends lost theres on a one-night stand and they all agree that they would love to go back in time, but sometimes I feel left out because Im 20 and I still have it. nobody can tell but sometimes I feel like I am missing out as I know i have a medium/High sex drive and would love to experience things as normal girls do-- but I just havent met the right guy yet!I want to meet someone I feel a Spark with, that treats me well( but he has not came into my life yet and I'm feeling frustrated) and the guys I had a spark with seem to be NO good for me, I seem to be waiting forever here
View related questions:
sex drive, spark Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, The Shadow's Tears  +, writes (6 June 2009):
 i'm glad! your a very smart girl. i'm very glad your using your knowledge and that your respect your body. shine baby shine! lol
have an awesome life!
X: Shadow Tears
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks, I agree but I wouldnt say I treated my virginity like such a huge treasure lol. Im only thinking about it recently. and I think its a special thing. Im not religious or anything, its just that I respect myself enough to know that I shouldnt throw it away on some guy whos going to treat me badly; and I am no better than any other girl because I have my Virginity still. Im just the same as them, I just think I have thought things through more than some girls my Age who have lost it and regretted it (and some of these girls are really smart girls)
i Guess Virginity matters, but its not the most important thing IN THE WORLD, its how the guy treats you and the other little things involved, after-all many people have had bad "first times"--this doesn't make us bad people, but to learn from our mistakes and move on to find someone who will treat us even better (Im not saying I will meet the perfect guy first time round. I doubt it in the town I live IN lol..most are bad men here who would sleep about and break girls hearts and get away with it)- thats the main reason Im careful about who I give it too. I just don't want to be hurt more than I already have been hurt.I feel as If I have something that other people don't have, so I can cling on to this for now while I find out who I am as a person =) *god this was SO long* ..lol
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks, I agree but I wouldnt say I treated my virginity like such a huge treasure lol. Im only thinking about it recently. and I think its a special thing. Im not religious or anything, its just that I respect myself enough to know that I shouldnt throw it away on some guy whos going to treat me badly; and I am no better than any other girl because I have my Virginity still. Im just the same as them, I just think I have thought things through more than some girls my Age who have lost it and regretted it (and some of these girls are really smart girls)
i Guess Virginity matters, but its not the most important thing IN THE WORLD, its how the guy treats you and the other little things involved, after-all many people have had bad "first times"--this doesn't make us bad people, but to learn from our mistakes and move on to find someone who will treat us even better (Im not saying I will meet the perfect guy first time round. I doubt it in the town I live IN lol..most are bad men here who would sleep about and break girls hearts and get away with it)- thats the main reason Im careful about who I give it too. I just don't want to be hurt more than I already have been hurt.I feel as If I have something that other people don't have, so I can cling on to this for now while I find out who I am as a person =) *god this was SO long* ..lol
...............................
A
male
reader, mytwocents +, writes (1 June 2009):
 I agree AND disagree with these views. Allow me to give you a slightly different perspective.
I think it’s a great thing that you’re not just going around having sex with whomever. It’s nice when a girl is selective about who she actually sleeps with. It's a desirable quality in a girl. But I also think it’s a bad idea to wait for that “perfect guy” for your first time, and that you run a risk in being TOO selective. I think it sets up very high expectations for yourself and often creates a situation that can end up hurting you worse. Sex becomes something overly important and if things don’t end up working out with that Special First Guy, you end up incredibly heart-broken and disappointed. Sex should definitely matter, but not THAT much.
A few years ago, I dated a couple of girls in their 20s that chose to remain virgins (at different times). As a sexual active guy who found them both very attractive, of course I wanted to have sex with them. But I never pressured them into it. I just “suggested” it. I always brought it up in a no-pressure, joking way to keep it from becoming a scary, serious topic. I even teased them a little, but always in a friendly, silly way that they appreciated. Despite my desire to be intimate with them, I tried to be understanding about their position. I think my attitude made both of them more relaxed--and actually WANT to have sex with me. They both tried things (sexual, but not intercourse) that they hadn’t tried before. I did my best to enjoy them within their boundaries. After some time, it became too difficult for me, and I broke it off with them respectfully--telling them that I needed sex in my life and didn’t want to make them uncomfortable by rushing them. I stayed friends with both girls, and in subsequent conversations, I told them that even if they don’t have sex with me, they shouldn’t wait too long. I moved on in my life.
It’s funny because, long after I’d forgotten about those discussions, both of them came back and brought up our “sex conversation.” One of them came back and thanked me (I kid you not) for “teaching her” that sex was healthy and not a huge deal (but also not a small deal). It shocked me. She told me she’d always been uncomfortable with the guys that approached her, instantly thinking whether she’d have sex with them or not. She’d eliminate them simply on her distorted image of whether they would be that perfect first guy--not their other qualities or potential.
Apparently, our conversation and my low-pressure style changed her view somehow. She credited her experience with me that she’d met a quality guy (and had sex with him) that she knows she wouldn’t have even noticed with her old way of looking at things. Of course I had mixed feelings about that statement. On the one hand, it made me feel incredibly flattered that I have so positively influenced a friend, and happy that she’d met someone. (It also made the "guy" in me think, “I wish you'd realized this a little sooner.” I’m still a guy after all.)
The other girl is still a virgin. She’s still on that quest for that perfect first guy. Every few months, she meets a guy that could be “the one.” Then something goes haywire and she repeats the cycle. One time during a candid conversation on relationships, she talked about her virginity. She said that she often thought about what I’d told her a few years ago, and that she's realizing that I was probably right. Building up her virginity to such heights has put so much pressure on her that she can’t help but eventually transfer it to every guy that comes around. They have to meet that unrealistically high standard of being “the one."
Don't get me wrong: I don't think you should just run out and have sex with the next person you meet. I would just say, don't treat virginity like such a huge treasure. It can do more harm than good. A woman that is a virgin is no better than a woman that's had sex with a few choice men. YOU'RE the treasure, not the viginity.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 June 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks so much
I feel loads better :) im pretty content with having it, it is really special and most people dont realise this. Xx
...............................
A
female
reader, The Shadow's Tears +, writes (1 June 2009):
hello,
sweetie don't think of it as your left out, think of it as your playing your cards right. would you want to slip into the peer pressures of having sex and then regret it, or wait until you find Mr. Spark, (hopefully that wont be his real name lol) and be able to smile high knowing that you wont regret it. i'm the only one of my female friends that still is holding my flower, and i feel proud of the fact that i'm still pure. and so should you. I've asked men before, which is sexier, a woman that's had sex or someone that still is a virgin, most of them said that virgins are sexier. some men said that they like the fact of a woman being a virgin, because she's "never been touched." so come on baby and take pride in having your flower still. and wait for the one man, that Mr. Spark, to come your way. i'm still waiting and i'm completely content with waiting. because you have your whole life to fine the perfect man, and your still very young.
and, when you do fine that perfect man, i bet you he'll be honored that you waited for him. just something to think about.
i hope this helps you be proud of waiting, you can PM me anytime if you want to talk OK?
X: Shadow Tears
...............................
A
female
reader, asian tealeaf  +, writes (1 June 2009):
 i was 16 married off to a man who was 22 i lost my virginity to this man. i hated him, never loved him, felt like i had been raped. he was murdered in 1997 in new york, long island with a friend of his and now, at 32 yrs old, having found my soulmate when i was 27, i wish so hard i could turn back time so i could of given the guy im with, my virginity, because i love him irrevocabily, and i am adamant hes the only man i will EVER be with, from now and til im pushing up daisies!
save ur virginity dear til u r 100 percent sure. dont just act on emotions, but on logic and reality. u will know when u find ur mate in life and in heaven to come.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 June 2009): You've got the right attitude anyway. Losing one's virginity should be a special occasion with the person you love, and he should love you just the same.
You haven't found the right person yet, that's all, but he'll come along sooner or later. It's very refreshing to hear of a 20 year old virgin these days, when one hears about so many 13 year olds becoming mothers when they're still only kids themselves.
You're still quite young with your whole life ahead of you. If you want to keep this part of it special, wait until Mr Right comes along - and he will!
...............................
|
