A
male
age
41-50,
*udef
writes:I know this has been asked many times. I've been with my wife a little over 10 years, she has never even tryed to give me oral, never touches me. She says she will and wants to but still won't. She knows I like oral etc. I always do for her. What should I do? I get so frustrated Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 June 2009): Man whats with the obsession with oral???? Its only one part of sex, there are plenty of other ways to be satisfied. I like giving oral but my boyfriend doesen't. It doesn't make me obsessive waving my pussy in his face like you say you do with your penis to your wife. Nor do I spend every waking hour trying to think how I can get him to do it. Its also not a valid reason to cheat. There are NO valid reasons for cheating. Maybe she does not want to suck on the pipe that your urine comes out of....some people just aren't into that so get over it.
A
male
reader, pudef +, writes (18 June 2009):
pudef is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI want to thank everyone who tryed giving me advice
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2009): Well we have taken baths, I've set the mood. I've listened to her. She never leads me to believe she had a bad experience. I've exhausted all things to try. If I bring it up to much she gets mad. I think its a lost cause.
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A
female
reader, MinnieM  +, writes (17 June 2009):
Have you tried setting the mood.......having a bath beforehand etc etc.......ensuring she has free time.........lying back naked in front of her on the bed with your arms behind your head??
When you say you have talked & talked.........have you listened.......is there something underlying that's stopping her...........some women have been forced by someone in their past & are scarred from it!
You could try stopping asking her before you go elsewhere for it......then perhaps she will think you are getting this need met elsewhere & either feel relieved or start asking you questions!
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 June 2009): hey man, ok, so a few of my friends are totally agianst oral. i like it, and her bf wanted it, so we all kinda nagged at her and told her it wasnt bad.
mayb u could possibly get a friend 2 discreetly tlk 2 her about it... that may help.
mayb ur wife is nervous or scared. if so, get her 2 read up on sum 'how 2' articles on giving a good bj. thats how i started, and it worked 4 me...
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A
male
reader, pudef +, writes (17 June 2009):
pudef is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell I agree with all of you. I have tryed all your advice with no luck but haven't been agressive. Not consistantly. I just want her to try once for me it hurts she won't. Ilya know after 10 years it would be quick! Hahaha. I'm afraid ill go elsewhere for it if this keeps up which yes is wrong.
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A
female
reader, betty_black +, writes (17 June 2009):
 no you are not over reacting. Sex is about give and take, she cant expect to recieve pleasure off you all the time and not give anything back, its not fair. If shes not listening to your needs you have to take action. Go on a sex strike or something, teach her a lesson. Or as mytwocents said, put it in her face. Its worked with me when men have wanted it.
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A
male
reader, pudef +, writes (17 June 2009):
pudef is verified as being by the original poster of the questionMytwocents- I agree with all you have said. I do need to be more agressive but always afraid of crossing a line I won't be able to cross back. She usually gets mad when I bring it up. Or put it near her face, which pisses me off and ruins the mood.
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A
male
reader, pudef +, writes (17 June 2009):
pudef is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell I have withheld servicing her. Doesn't work. Nothing works. I'm ready to go elsewhere for my oral needs, but I know I won't. Am I making a big deal over this?
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A
male
reader, mytwocents +, writes (17 June 2009):
 I agree with Betty Black. It’s time to play hard ball. The soft approach hasn’t worked for a decade.
It’s not like you’re asking her to do something uncommon or strange, so your frustration is totally justified. I think you have a choice of a few drastic measures you can take:
1. Like Betty said: stop giving her oral or any other extras. Don’t tell her why you’re doing it right away, just let her notice the change. When she asks, tell her you were tired of feeling bad about yourself every time after sex because of the years of unfairness. You’re just taking care of your own feelings now.
2. Propose other, more drastic sex acts (anal, for example or something she would definitely object to). Insist a little. Keep bringing it up. She’ll probably haggle you down to a BJ and deliver this time.
3. Be a little more aggressive. I know this may sound a little bad, but you can do it without crossing any lines. She’s agreed to do it already. Maybe you need to bring up EVERY SINGLE TIME you have sex. Or, you need to start to physically put your c*ck near her face. A little sense of urgency can go a long way.
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A
female
reader, betty_black +, writes (17 June 2009):
Give her a taste of her own medicine, dont touch her clit or lick her out. Just shove it in and do missionary everytime, lets see how excited she gets then! Sex is about give and take, she cant just lay there like a dead fish and expect you to give all the time cos thats not fair. If you sit her down and really explain and things dont change then do what i say. She'll soon get bored and give in.
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A
male
reader, pudef +, writes (17 June 2009):
pudef is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell I have suggested we try flavored lotions or food to make it more appealing to her. She won't go for it.
TINYPLATTY- we have talked and talked and talked. She says she will do it and wants to. Its been 10 years and nothing. She knows I really want one, and enjoy a bj. She has NEVER tryed! Not even to make me happy. She barely gives me a HJ, gives up after 20 seconds. I do it all for her, no matter what yet I get nothing. We get along great, great friends etc. But the extra in bed isn't there and I just can't deal with it anymore.
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A
female
reader, Tinysplatty +, writes (17 June 2009):
 Hey there,
Well it does sound as if your wife is being rather unfair. A relationship needs give and take in all areas, including sex. You say she won't even touch you? You really need to have a proper conversation with her about this. Sit her down one day, and explain that your sex life will be so much better if there are some compromises. It is fair that some women just do not like giving oral, but it would not hurt to do it occasionally as a sign of respect for their partners needs and desires. Maybe you should offer to take part in something that SHE wants to do, even if you aren't so keen on the idea? And anyway, has she even ever TRIED to go down on you? If not, how does she know its so bad? To be honest, if she refuses to compromise, then perhaps you deserve somebody more willing to do so. And it may sound slightly extreme, but if all else fails, maybe you could suggest some kind of sex therapy. It might help to find ways in which you can both be kept happy.
Good luck!
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A
male
reader, holikdad +, writes (17 June 2009):
First you wait until she falls into a deep sleep, then hold her nose.....and jam it in. :) Just kidding.
I've found that some women can't get enough of it, and others think it's "icky". Unfortunately there usually isn't much you can do about it.
Maybe try offering to put something on yourself to give it a sweet or good taste.
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