A
female
age
41-50,
*oa0607
writes:My boyfriend is going on dating websites looking for a discreet relationship. I confronted him about it and he took down the page saying that he was just stressed about us and it was stupid. But then two weeks later I find another one! We live together and he is not smart enough to delete the history so I know he is on there. I even put up a page so I could look at his. I want to block the website but don't know how. I tried going through internet options and security but that didn't work. He swears that he has never met with anyone and I believe that because I know where he is 24/7 but I still don't like him talking to other woman. Its like an obsession with him and talking dirty to strangers. Please help me! I know I should probably break up with him but I love him and my kids are now really attached to him. What should I do! Please someone tell me how to block the site from our computer! Reply to this Question
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male
reader, mytwocents +, writes (1 July 2009):
 I'm sorry to say this, but this might be a little worse that you're realizing.
Let's start at the beginning. I know this isn’t the point, but I can tell you, from experience, that he’s VERY UNLIKELY to succeed at meeting anyone this way.
Most of these “discreet” websites are scams made to lure men into spending money on a membership, “points,” or whatever other system they operate on. Even when they’re legit, the male-to-female ratios are so incredibly unfavorable that he could send out literally 100s of messages just to get one acknowledgement, never mind a meeting or, eventually, an affair.
So don’t worry too much about blocking the website. It’s essentially “blocked” already. And, like someone else pointed out, yours isn’t the only computer on the planet--he could easily access it elsewhere. Worry about the INTENTION behind his behavior, and about subsequent attempts with REAL people in REAL places.
Also, like the others have said, eliminating the tools isn’t going to solve your problem. You need to get to the bottom of why he’s seeking go outside of your relationship--and repeatedly so. It could be as simple as he’s not getting something from you that you can actually provide, after working on repairing your evaporated trust. But, unfortunately, it's probably something far more serious: it could be that he’s a cheater, that’s he’s fallen out of love for you permanently, or that your relationship chemistry is gone. He's elsewhere.
You need to recognize that this is further along than you realize. Treat this as a relationship on the brink of expiration because--unless something dramatic happens--it probably is. Sit him down and have a serious talk with him.
A
female
reader, Starlights  +, writes (1 July 2009):
 listen, he is not going to stop. he is addicted to this and probably will long continue behind your back.
you either have to let him do as he wishes and put up with him speaking to strange women, or break free from him.
i know neither are easy options, but once someone is an addict they will do anything to get their kicks even behind your backs.
one friend of mine, his wife banned him from using the net at his home to prevent him from speaking to women, but he only ended up doing it at work or in his free time.
there are softwares that can block sites but he is going to know u invaded his privacy if u do this.
try talking to him again about how this makes u feel if u have any hope in salvaging the relationship.
good luck
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A
female
reader, mitta +, writes (1 July 2009):
well you might not like this but you shouldnt have to block the site from the computer to stop your boyfriend going on it. He plain and simple shouldnt be doing it. Whether he has met anyone of them or not he has cast out a line, wanting someone to take the bait. Hes looking to cheat.
The fact that hes looking for an affair, or at least toying with the idea is far more disturbing to me than him going out and having an opportunistic drunken one night stand. It tells me that he isnt happy in your relationship. Rather than blocking the sites you both need to address the underlying issues of why he wwishes to seek these women out. Ask him, and dont take any crappy answers! You need to get to the bottom of it otherwise it wont work.
HTH
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