A
female
age
36-40,
*corpioStings
writes:First, I want to say thank you for everyone who takes the time to read this and respond. My Husband of 3 years, I believe has/or has the intention of cheating. We have a 3 month old and a 2 year old. Lately, he has been hanging around a new friend for 2 months now who has piss poor morals. This friend is a cheater and smokes weed. (My husband doesn't so he says.) Since the 24th of june I moved out. I have never felt he would go out on me, until little clues for the last couple of months have been making sense. - he has been very driven about losing weight and started caring about his looks.- hasn't worn his ring since jan 2009- sex life has declined-the friend likes to post personals on craigslist. He actually admitted to me that he calls the hookers as a joke. ( I found an ad on the 27th that sounded like him to the T. To his style or writing to the choice of words. To even his preference of women.) - They went to a strip club - he hired a new saleperson (woman) and admitted to me that she tried to come on to him.- He started reminescing one night telling me about his former bosses giant ass and how that an ass like that you put on a shelf and admire. The whole time he looked like his mind was elsewhere.- I logged into his old email account and found emails from skype in french and emails in spanish. (He knows both languages) He said he let his friend use his account. - this 26th there was an outgoing msg on his new phone telling his cab buddy to pick him up at a hotel in spanish at 1:50am. He claims he was at the theaters. And didn't want to make the guy feel bad.-back in sept-oct 08, my cousin stood with us. I think he slept with my cousin while I was at work, because she used to walk around with no underwear on and a big shirt.- he used to put me down in front of her. (Example, Vanessa cooks more than you. Or why try solving that math problem, you don't know.)- I feel his uncle indirectly told me something one night. When he came over and mentioned in a convo telling him a story on how he ruin his marriage by cheating and having wandering eye.-He touches me differently, talks to me like differently. He says loves me and wants to make it work. I only say i love you first and sometimes I don't get it back.-He says my little 17 year old sister is hot. (He is 26 and I am 23)I could just be paranoid. I don't know. A little about him. He has a great poker face and is a skilled liar. He will only admit with sufficent evidence. Even then he tries to make doubt myself and my findings. He is gemini. He is mind and heart is not home. Its somewhere else.
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at work, cousin, escort, I love you, liar, moved out, sex life, smokes, underwear Reply to this Question
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female
reader, ScorpioStings +, writes (1 July 2009):
ScorpioStings is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHe says he wants to make it work and wants me back home, but why would he say this and act another? I am confused. Why would he be nice to me and then when I ask a question about anything go into defense mode? Maybe I am just a paranoid shrew. All I know is my kids are first and that's all that matters.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2009): you are very obsevant. yes, he is up to no good. he is not in love with you. he i enjoying his life and wants freedom to do as he pleases. the suddenly not wearing the wedding ring is also a dead giveaway. i think it was GrimmReality who used to say........" kick his ass to the curb?" it is very apt here.
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A
male
reader, mytwocents +, writes (1 July 2009):
 Unfortunately, I don’t think you’re being paranoid. I’d hate to say it, but it seems like the only evidence you DON’T have is pictures of him in the act. In other words, it doesn’t look good. If he hasn’t already cheated, he probably has every intention of doing so.It might be a good time to take inventory of your situation and make sure that you and your kids would be okay without him. Then start snooping around. If you just confront him, he'll just deny-deny-deny. This is the type you have to catch red-handed. But, you never know. Maybe his eyes have JUST started to wander, and you can lure him back into the light. Hope for the best, but plan for the worst.
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A
female
reader, ScorpioStings +, writes (1 July 2009):
ScorpioStings is verified as being by the original poster of the questionUpdate guys: I called him today and questioned his whereabout on the 26th (when he received the text msg about the hotel) This is how it went.I was calm throughout the convo and didn't not get excitied. His tone when he answer is dim and dry. Simple hi. And no I love you or profess of love. I guess it is over.Me: How would u feel if I sent a text msg saying I was at a hotel at 1:50am?Him: I would be supicious, but wait until I catch you in the act.Me: So why did u send him that text?Him: I didn't want to make him feel bad that "Leo" picked me up instead of him.(leo is the new friend who he confess cheats on craigslist)Me: but you orginally told me "fred" your cab driver friend dropped you off at home not leo. Who took you home?Him: Wtf? (Curses and screams) oh now you want to play lawyer, Stop with your fing lawyer talk. If you don't drop this cheating accusations I qam leaving you. Your paranoid (clicks the phone and shuts it off.)
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A
female
reader, Karlin24 +, writes (1 July 2009):
 Regardless of if he's cheating, if his mind and heart are not at home, then forget him. If he doesn't want to be with you, only you, and if he doesn't make you feel special and important to him, than why would you want him? The person you plan on spending your life with should make you feel good about yourself. Even if little sister is hot, a man who loves you truly will tell you that she doesn't compare to you, which he will honestly mean. It sounds like he's either not mature, or not the right man. Either way, it's a no win situation for your happiness.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2009): Whether he is cheating or not...there is a huge lack of trust in your relationship!
I definitely go with my gut in situations like this...so, as Daniel said...If you think there is something going on there probably is.
He isn't doing anything to maintain the marriage...I think you have done the right thing by moving out.
I wish you the best!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2009): It sounds like he is doing something out of the ordinary. But, if my wife Moved out and left me, I would probably try to move on also.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (1 July 2009):
 My gut feeling is that yes, he's cheating. Gut feelings can be wrong, however. And, you don't need speculation, but certainty. I am sure doubts are killing you, because, on the one hand, you love the man, and, on the other, would hate to lose him, and you would hate and find unbearable to be cheated on.
You already left the home. I have the feeling that you acted on more than suspicions. Many of his comments seem, at the very least, uncaring. I do think his mind is elsewhere.
I believe that, if you have the feeling that someone is not dealing with you in a clean way, you should do what you did.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2009): If you think there is something going on, then there probably is. Our bodies recognize changes in behavior and relationship before our mind does and your gut is telling you something with your husband is not right.
You moved out. I am not sure what your questions are, but you obviously have gotten to the place where you no longer trust him and have left him, so now all bets are off.
Since there are children involved, I think you owe it to them to try and work on the issues in your marriage before deciding to leave for good. Tell your husband that you expect him to go to marriage counseling with you so that you can deal with this before disolving your marriage.
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A
female
reader, poison ivy 2009  +, writes (1 July 2009):
 Honey,
You've itimized 13 signs!!!! If it was one or two maybe I could say you're paranoid, but 13!!! I really think you have a valid reason for your concerns and you nee to straighten things out. If he cared about you he wouldn't put you down or comment on other women with you, and that thing about your sister is SICK!! He needs professional help. Two chices:
1) You walk away and hold you head high. You have 2 children to protect and obviously you don't want this influence around them. or 2) You could confront him with your proof and hope he admits to his problems and seek professional help. Your choice, but the signs you're explaining is not paranoia, it's a lying cheating bastard!!!
Hope that helps.. No matter what do whats best for those kids..
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