A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Dear Cupid,is it inappropriate/creepy for me, 20, telling a 14 year old girl (albeit mature), that i think she's beautiful and if i were younger, i would ask her out? opinions to be appreciated Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2009): She's too young. I was that age and seeing a boy your age, he was just using me for sex and i got emotionally attatched to him. Shes too immature emotionally to deal with any relationship, particularly one with an older guy who knows a little more about the world. Trust me, she'll just get hurt in the long run if you pursue it.
A
male
reader, mytwocents +, writes (28 May 2009):
 I'm going to be honest here. I don't think this is an issue of appropriateness.
Pretty girls (even young ones) hear that they’re pretty, one way or the other, on a daily basis. If she doesn’t already hear it, she will very very soon. I don’t think she NEEDS to hear that she’s beautiful. It’s really just stating the patently obvious. It's like saying, "you're a girl."
The various pretty girls I’ve known well over the years actually get tired pretty early in life of hearing the same thing. They don’t want to say it, but they've admitted to me that on the inside they think, “Don’t you think I KNOW that I’m pretty." Or, "I KNOW I have a nice whatever. Can you notice something else?” For example, my current gf has BEAUTIFUL eyes. Everytime someone comments on them, she tries to be polite, but she pretty much rolls her eyes at them on the inside. It's not arrogance. It's just predictable.
So, unless you have some kind of secret intentions (or hopes) with her, and have some observations beyond her physical beauty, I wouldn’t say anything. You already think (correctly) that 14 and 20 is a pretty significant gap. Why open the door if you actually don't have intentions?
I'm all for dating younger girls (even risking it when it's in that gray area), but this one might be out of reach, my friend.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2009): Be careful not to cross any boundaries here, but it's fine to deliver the compliment as long as you're not anticipating anything on any sexual level-period. Do not say it as an act of persuasion. You could say it like you would say anything is beautiful, a flower or a painting or a poem.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2009): I had that happen to me when I was 14, and then had several men try to force themselve on me. After that thought it was totally creepy if any man treated me like anything but a child. The only time I was flattered and not creeped out, was when a man was EXCEPTIONALLY good looking (I know, shallow).
So, what I am saying is it is really up to the girl as to how she interprets this. Perhaps she needs the complements because she doesn't feel she is pretty? No one knows how another feels.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2009): I think it is flattering, as long as you don't constantly say it. Then it could start to sound like pressure. It also depends on her reaction. If she seems to love the comments, then it may be nicely boosting her self-esteem! But if she goes quiet or seems uncomfortable, then I would advise stopping saying it, as she may feel uneasy.
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A
female
reader, summerslady21 +, writes (28 May 2009):
I will honestly say it is inappropriate if you have any Intentions with this child! Creepy yes I have 2 girls and that is my biggest fear puberty! I know what boys\men think. Just any other thoughts you may have keep to yourself! Do NOT act on anything you might feel!
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A
male
reader, ArmyMedic  +, writes (28 May 2009):
 It's a little creepy to be honest!
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (28 May 2009):
 It's only creepy if you DO ask her out.
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A
male
reader, anoms +, writes (28 May 2009):
 that was a very good point posted in the previous answer. by the time i was about 9 (before puberty of cource) i had much older women in their 20s an 30s telling me how goodlooking i was allll the time, and i was totally flattered.. did i call them pervs? or pedo's? of cource i frickin didnt! if you ask me this girl will certainly be happy, but anyone else will push their politcally incorrect jargon in your face im sure. but after that its up to you to walk away if she shows an interest, gudluk
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2009): Ello mate
Of course it isn't, despite what anyone else will say. As long as your intentions aren't SEXUAL, then i should think that she'll be flattered and you've probably made her day. Older girls used to say i was cute when i was 14, THEN I GREW UP.LOL
Good man, keep up the good work!!!
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