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I've caught him cheating 3 times. What should I do?

Tagged as: Cheating<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (14 July 2012) 4 Answers - (Newest, 14 July 2012)
A female Australia age 30-35, anonymous writes:

The first time I caught him emotionally cheating on me was when I saw flirty messages that he exchanged with some girl while I was pregnant and excited to show him our baby's first ultrascan. The second time was when I caught him chatting and flirting with college girls online. The third time, again, I caught him flirting with college girls online. After each time I caught him doing wrong, he would profusely apologise and said wouldn't do it again. What do you advise me to do?

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2012):

He is cheating on you and obviously he is not going to stop this behaviour. You either continue forgiving him and letting him disrespect you in this way and continue to live in the knowledge that will find him doing this again and again, or you dump him and move on, giving your children a happy environment to live in. I can't tell you what is best for you, it's your decision, but you have to think of yourself and your children first. I would personally walk away because I could not continue in a relationship where I could not trust my boyfriend, and was always waiting for the next time I caught him cheating on me, but that is me.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2012):

"After each time I caught him doing wrong, he would profusely apologise and said wouldn't do it again. What do you advise me to do?"

Recognize and accept cold harsh reality when it repeatedly slaps you in the face and bites you on the ass: he's not going to stop doing wrong, his apologies are meaningless and his promises are false, and by continually taking him back based solely on his meaningless apologies and false promises you are in effect telling him that you lack self-respect, pride, dignity, brains and backbone, therefore essentially giving him license to continue treating you so callously, shamefully, and disrespectfully.

And, most importantly, if you keep taking him back then you will be teaching your child by example that it is normal, expected and acceptable for men to disrespect women and for women to allow men to disrespect them. Do you really want your kid to grow up to be like his/her father (if boy) or spat upon by someone like him (if girl)? He or she will live as an adult what s/he learned as a child.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States +, writes (14 July 2012):

Honeypie agony auntObviously he isn't going to stop.

So it leave the ball in your court, you can either live with a serial cheater or leave him in your dust and dump him.

I can tell you this, once you lose trust in your partner other feeling follow or are replaced with a sense of resentment towards both him and yourself.

What does your gut & your common sense tell you? Should this be OK in your relationship?

Personally, once can MAYBE be forgiven and worked through but 3 times? that should a lack of respect for you and a pattern of behavior on his part. And something I would not accept in a relationship, kids or no kids.

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A male reader, Kyle007 United States +, writes (14 July 2012):

Decide what's more painful, the thought of leaving him or the thought of staying with someone you don't trust, and take the less painful course of action.

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