A
female
age
30-35,
*ca9130
writes:So, I'm dating a guy, it's been only two weeks and I really like him, I would love to be his girlfriend one day. But, there's this other guy who's been almost stalking me since I broke up with an exboyfriend almost two months ago. I finally accepted to go out for lunch with him one day and I told him in specifically that I'm dating another guy and that I really like him. He told me it can be cool, we can be friends but that he'll keep trying. Anyways, he asked me out again and we went out and he even bought me flowers and chocolates. I, once again, told him I'm not intrested and that we can't be friends this way. He convinced me to give him a small kiss that night and to call him in two weeks to see if I feel different. After half and hour of sweet talking to my ear, he almost threw himself at me and kissed me. It lasted for five seconds (he was leaving me at my home by this time and we were in his car, so just as the kiss stopped, I left). I feel as if I cheated on the true guy I like. I hated this kiss and I don't want to ever see this other guy again, but the true question is: should I tell guy #1 what I did?
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broke up, flowers, stalking Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (9 April 2012):
 I don';t understand why you even bothers with this guy, so he brought flowers and chocolate, who cares, should jsut have told him, Dude, I am not interested, have a nice life and told him to take his flowers and candy and go home.
I'm sorry but Cerberus is right.
YOU need to look at your own actions here. You let a guy "sweet talk" you ( a guy you don't like) and then you get mad when he thinks he's getting some where? STOP playing games, honey.
A
male
reader, Kyle007 +, writes (8 April 2012):
Cerberus is absolutely right!!! Most posters I see on this forum I see are being wronged, some are wronging others. Stop acting like "all this happened to you". You made decisions that lead up to what happened.
Completely aside from guy #1 at all, you have to take responsibility that you led this guy on. Really, who needs to go out with someone to end something that didn't even start? A quick phone call or text saying "I'm not interested" is all you need. Geez...
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A
female
reader, cca9130 +, writes (8 April 2012):
cca9130 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI'm sure he can trust me, I've been drunk plenty of times and went out with my friends while having a boyfriend and nothing has ever happend. You can't judge me for ONE moment. It wasn't two kisses, it was only one and the "dates" weren't even dates, I told him straight to his face that I didn't want to go out with him. I told him twice actually, because he wouldn't stop talking to me. Now I know that I must be rude and I won't even answer his messages. I can say no and don't do things, I was trying to be polite, but it backfired and I was weak. The guy I really like can trust me for a more serious relationship and now that I know that I really like him and want something more, I won't answer to any other guy but him. The End.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 April 2012): "I didn't date him, I went to tell him that I don't want anything with him"
OP you went on more than one date, 3 overall isn't it? Or is it just the two? Sorry OP but going on numerous dates with a person is what I consider dating.
So you went on a date with him to tell him you didn't want to date him? How does that make sense? I don't know what it's like where you're from but generally girls I know don't go on dates with guys they're not interested in, they just refuse in the first place.
I didn't call you a slut or an easy woman, in fact I have nothing against girls who like to keep their options open and play the field. I find nothing wrong with that at all. What I meant by "the kind of girl he's dealing with" is the kind of girl who can't/won't say no in the sense this guy has been chasing you 2 months, instead of being up front with him and telling him you won't be meeting with him or going on dates with him you go on a lunch date, even after you tell him on this first date that you're with someone else he tells you he's going to keep trying and what do you do? You agree to another date with him, with chocolates, flowers and a kiss, then you agreed to call him in 2 weeks to tell him whether you changed your mind and meet him again at which time he mauls your face in the car (or is that the same night as the flowers and chocolates night?)
You see I'm not saying you're easy nor a slut but you are flaky OP. You say one thing but act the opposite. You say you don't want to date him yet you go on dates with him, you say you're not interested yet you let him pursue you for two months. You say you didn't want to kiss him but who knows? You didn't want to date him either but went on dates, you weren't interested either but you still let him pursue you.
All I'm saying OP is you have a funny way of dealing with unwanted attention. Nothing there except your words say you're not interested but how you acted is exactly how girls act when they're playing hard to get. They say they're not interested, yet they agree to dates, they say they like someone else yet there they are with you, a guy they know wants them, alone in your car.
The nicest way I can say this is you're the type of girl that doesn't deal with unwanted attention well, whether you're trying to be polite, whether you're trying to be nice and ease this guy down gently, you're not being firm enough to be clear in your intentions and you're leaving the door open for other guys to try it on, which this 2 month guy did lots of times.
You want some good advice OP? If you're not interested in a guy then don't go on dates with him, tell him straight up you're not interested and reject all his advances. That's it. That way you won't end up going on 3 dates and having 2 kisses with a guy you don't even like.
How can a guy trust a girl not to get into that kind of position again if she doesn't know how to get rid of unwanted attention? How can we trust a girl like that when she's drunk? Is she really going to stop those guys coming onto her if lack the assertion to get rid of one guy while sober?
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A
female
reader, cca9130 +, writes (8 April 2012):
cca9130 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI didn't date him, I went to tell him that I don't want anything with him. I know he's not my stalker, just that he pushed me a lot. I know that what I did is wrong, but it's not like I cheated. So tell me Cerberus "what kind of girl he's dealing with" is the best advice you can give? I'm no slut or an easy woman, I made a mistake and he threw himself at me, I didn't want to kiss him. I think I won't tell him because: 1. he's not my boyfriend, we've only been dating for two weeks. He went to the beach for four days and called me till the night he came back to town, who knows what he did over there. 2. it's not like this kiss was important to me. I don't care about this other guy and he almost stold the kiss from me. True, I put myself in the situation but I don't think it categorizes me in the "the kind of girl he's dealing with" section.
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A
male
reader, Kyle007 +, writes (8 April 2012):
Yeah, tell your "official" boyfriend what happened. Heloooo he told you that he's going to keep trying and you don't have the nerve/decency to tell this alleged "stalker" no?
You just like the attention, even though you don't like him. That amounts to using someone.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 April 2012): Sorry I forgot to add, this guy isn't stalking you at all. You see stalking is when a guy follows you around or won't leave you alone after you tell them to go away. This guy is just pursuing you and you're saying yes to him each time. You tell him you're not interested but you keep going on dates with him and now you have kissed him.
That's not stalking OP, that's dating.
"I don't want to ever see this other guy again"
But you will though won't you? You see you don't say "I will never see this guy again" You say "You don't want to" and seeing as you never wanted to but did anyway that means you will again.
Tell your number 1 guy, he deserves to know what kind of girl he's dealing with.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 April 2012): Yeah you should. He deserves to know that he can't trust you because you can't say no to guys.
You see even though you knew from the start that you weren't interested in this guy you kept meeting him for dates. So you're either lying about not being interested or too weak to say no. If I was your number one guy I'd want to know so I could move onto a girl with stronger convictions than you and one that isn't going on dates with other guys she claims she doesn't even like.
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