A
male
age
51-59,
Kyle007
writes:You have the right to your own thoughts.You can think of whatever you want, good, bad, smart,stupid or silly.If someone tells you how you should feel about something, or think about something, you can accept or reject that, whether openly or quietly. Generally speaking, though, no one should really tell you how you should feel about something, but some people will do it anyway. Watch out for those people!This may be the ONLY right you have. Think you have other rights? No, you have a set of laws and agreements and punishment for those who violate those laws. You may have the “right” to your property, but if someone burns your house down the house is still gone, even if the police arrest the guy who did it, and he spends his life in jail, and the insurance company buys you a new house, you still lost that property. So actually, come to think of it, your thoughts are also the only thing you own. Mother Nature licenses you to have a body, and the state licenses you to have and drive a car. Both can be taken away. See the last segment of George Carlin’s HBO special “Its Bad for Ya!”. It is an excellent and funny routine he does about your “rights”.Others can enforce thoughts on you, but your thoughts are still there as well. After all, not all of the thoughts in your mind come from you. But you still own them.The wonderful thing about the mind is that you can work without having to stress your body, make plans without having to make promises, and keep all your creations a secret if you so choose. It is a vast universe of creation in such a small space. Creating and imagining in the mind is the most wonderful thing of which we are capable.Freedom of thought is essential to problem-solving skills. You can’t just decide to have “appropriate thoughts” all the time. Cops have to think criminal thoughts in order to second-guess criminals.Don’t ever feel bad about what you are thinking. And that’s just my advice. Actually, it’s your right to feel bad if you want to.Now, why am I getting so philosophical on a relationship-advice website?Because, if you ever felt guilty about something that you are thinking about, like you want to cheat on your spouse or partner, or you wanted to steal someone else’s boyfriend or girlfriend, you think of killing your ex, etc. Just realize that you are exercising your right to free thought.Try this: think about killing someone. Think about burning down a building. Actually, whether you want to or not, just my writing this and you reading it puts the thought into your head. Should you go to jail for these crimes you committed in your head? Absolutely not!It is unfortunate that Mother Nature didn't program us so that when we got together with someone and bonded that we would cease to have any sexual thoughts about anyone else or find anyone else attractive.When you consider how over-sexually stimulated our society is, it’s almost impossible not to have sexual thoughts about others. It is our actions that determine our morality, not thoughts. So just don’t act on your thought if it leads to immorality. Simple. And anyone who tries to control your mind has to go. The worst girlfriend I ever had constantly made me wrong for even the slightest thought of anyone else or even if I looked at anyone else and said "You BETTER not be thinking of anyone else but me".Guess what? This girl ended up cheating on me. She was assigning me HER problem.On the other side, I had a wonderful lover who never directly addressed me on it but said "When we have sex you are thinking about women's boobs" and I forget the context of that comment, but it was a hint that she was not worried about what went on in my mind during sex. This woman you could say was secure in our relationship and secure with herself.Unless you are yelling out someone else’s name during sex, only the most controlling, manipulative person will try to make you feel guilty about sexual fantasies involving other people. A don't-ask don't-tell policy is best on this one.In your heart of hearts, would you rather (in real life) be with this person you are fantasizing about? If so, that is a different story, and really a different problem entirely.Got a crush on someone other than your spouse? This is strictly between you and your own conscience. I think a good guideline is that if it’s just a fantasy, fine. But if you find yourself taking action on this fantasy in the real world with your target of affection even in small steps like buying gifts for them, touching them, mild flirtations, etc then you got a problem.Pornography is different, and I don’t even want to address that subject here other than to point out that indulging in pornography is not strictly thought. It involves interaction. I don’t want anyone using this article to justify the use of porn. And I don’t want this paragraph to literally be interpreted as “don’t do porn” either. If you want to discuss that subject, here is a good place on this site, my favorite article on it so far is : http://www.dearcupid.org/question/is-pornography-cheating.html but please, no porn-related responses on this article.In my previous (and first) article here http://www.dearcupid.org/question/maintaining-sanity-in-a-dating-world-gone-mad.html , I talked about the importance of morality in relationships. And it is very important to follow rules and moral guidelines to be happy in relationships and in life. And on the complete opposite side of the coin, to have happiness in your mind, you have to acknowledge that there are no rules. Ironically enough, you won’t ever be able “rule” your mind until you understand that. What about “The thought precedes the deed”? Yes it most certainly does. It’s also true that the thoughts you are unaware of or are trying to repress are the ones that cause you the most trouble. So don’t be afraid of your thoughts, any of them, or you will never be able to control your mind. Oh, and by the way, control your mind the way you want to, not the way you think you should.Controlling your thoughts and taking ownership of them are both essential to your sanity. Now, the bugger of it is, is that not all the thoughts in the mind are yours originally. I mean, you did not think up TVs, cars, geometry, or even sex all by yourself. But those thoughts are there anyway! Take ownership of them, don’t be afraid of them. Say that these thoughts belong to you even if just by the virtue of the fact that they are in your mind. This is important, because the only way another can thought-control you is with a thought that you have not taken control of yourself.Think of this, you become sexually preoccupied with someone else. It becomes uncontrollable. You hate yourself for these thoughts, you fear them, you try to repress them. Well, whoever or whatever put that thought in your head now has control over you, even if just your thinking. This could be by virtue of sneaky things this person did to try to seduce you, pheromones, or just the fact that you are genetically programmed to be attracted to the opposite sex. Control the thought as if its your own, and you are no longer being manipulated by Mother Nature or anyone else for that matter. Even if there is a Devil that puts evil thoughts in your mind, you still need to do this! Imagine stealing and owning thoughts from THE DEVIL himself! And in your own mind, fully acknowledged and controlled by you, they are capable of hurting NO ONE. And the "Devil" no longer controls that thought, or you for that matter. That is freedom, my friend.You have a right to your own thoughts. This has always been true, but it’s good to be reminded of it. It is not something that is given to you, it is something you discover that you have.The real happiness in life and the happiness you think you are going to get from life are often two different things. Why not obtain happiness from both your thoughts AND life?The happiest day of my life was when I declared to myself that I can think whatever I want, whenever I want about whatever I want, and that my mind is a vast universe of mine and other’s creations, that has no rules whatsoever and does not even need to be consistent within itself.I have more to say about this, but I will integrate it into future articles. I don’t have the inclination or the time to post an entire book here on this site right now.I wish you all very happy thinking!!!!!!
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