A
male
age
51-59,
Kyle007
writes:I will say this very bluntly, honestly and confidently, that the main thing (and perhaps the only thing) that will keep you sane in the realm of dating, sex, marriage and romance is to maintain your integrity and moral standards.Some people don't like to hear the words "morals" and "ethics". Some can't even stand the word "rules". These people are also going to be the ones you have the most trouble with.But there are reasons for ethical guidelines in relationships. They ensure that you know what you are getting into, that things will function well, and are essentially agreements made between you, your partner and the society we live in.Now some say that sex before marriage is wrong, and some people say homosexuality is wrong and that those are moral standards. I am not going to touch on those things, as the standards I am going to discuss here are more universally agreed upon.Now, the #1 thing to discuss here is the issue of cheating. Straight or gay, married or unmarried, black, white or Asian, cheating is just plain wrong. The act of sharing affections with others than your committed other is indisputably wrong. You make an agreement to be monogamous and then you break it. Anyone who disagrees with this has no business in a relationship.Now what seems to be the subject of relentless argument are the degrees of cheating. Is it OK to look at porn? Is it OK to have cyber sex with someone else? What about just having a fantasy?My take on it, all but the very last one can not be tolerated. Because the porn and cyber sex involve real actions in the real universe and involve intentions that stray from your partner. If there are exceptions to this, it needs to be an agreement that the two people make together. There are couples who watch porn together that I know of. But I don't know of anyone who tolerate cyber sex.As far as fantasies are concerned, forget even trying to make someone never fantasize about another partner. A man or a woman who is truly completely in love theoretically will never do this, but it is a totally unrealistic expectation. A don't-ask, don't tell policy is best on this one. And if you ever find yourself involved with someone that insists you only be attracted to them and/or only think of them, then RUN. Why? Because, the only right you have in this world is the right to your own thoughts. Period. I will actually write another article in the future on this subject alone.Now since I have become an "Agony Aunt" on this site, I have seen countless questions about partners who flirt, who hang on to friends that are in love with them, exes and etc. I want to address this as well.If your significant other is seeing socially someone that has expressed romantic interests in them, they should respectfully end that relationship with the other party. This is just a recipe for insanity. You are a man who has a girlfriend. Her guy-friend's crush on her is an intention that runs counter to your relationship. If she is continuing to be around him, its not OK. And don't buy into all the garbage of "we are not going to do anything and you have trust issues". Its basically one woman intentionally or unintentionally leading this man on, or having a "back up plan" or just flattering herself with all the attention. These other people will be happy when your relationship is in turmoil, will be the ones that your significant other goes to when she feels that you aren't supporting her enough, and just complicate things.If a friend of yours came up to you and said "A lot of people around here don't like you, but don't worry, I stuck up for you" you might wonder who was not liking you. And let's say this person regularly comes to you saying such and such of his friends say bad things about you. Well, this person is remaining friends with someone who does not like you, supposedly (just as a note here, people who say things like this are not to be trusted and they could be outright lying) and really, that friendship is disrespectful to you. Real friends don't pass these things on, and if someone said a bad thing about my wife or best friend, I am not hanging out with them any more.The above is a good parallel to the woman who hangs out with guys who are attracted to her. Don't tolerate this in your partner and don't practice it yourself.And don't tolerate flirting.And I don't recommend that you or your partner carry on any kind of relationship with an ex. It does not matter how amicable it seems on the surface. Exceptions to this of course are shared custody, co-workers and other unavoidable situations.Now a lot of other things I have seen on this site have to do with simple manners.Return people's phone calls. Return emails. If you can't get over your ex, just want to be friends, aren't attracted to your partner anymore or any of the other things that get in the way, please please just tell your partner!!!!! If you want to end a relationship, tell them, don't just ignore them. Relationships need a lot of attention and communication to work.Anyway, here are only SOME guidelines, there are too many to go into on one simple article, but thinking with these you can pretty much figure the rest out. Agree on what is right or wrong in your relationship and stick to it. And beware of those who disagree with the most fundamental concepts of decency and respect that I have laid out in this article.
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