A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have a boyfriend and we have been having sex quite a lot within these 18 months. The problem is, every time we have sex, we are just simply kissing and caressing each other's genitals. Then, my boyfriend will be on top of me and poopps! He comes when I haven't felt the sensation of sex yet. I've told him that I want him to explore my body and try new things. Believe or not, he hasn't seen my body yet (we have sex with our clothes on). He seems shy and yes both of us never had sex with our previous lovers before. I did a blow job to him once, hoping that he would go down on my pants, but he didn't. Until now, he still doesn't dare to explore my body even though I've asked him to. What should I do? I'm too shy to talk about this to him again.
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blow-job, kissing, sex life, shy Reply to this Question
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male
reader, FroggieGman  +, writes (8 March 2009):
Why are you still with this boob?????
You are wasting your time with a selfish, immature, jerk. Do you really think he will change? Ask yourself, why should he? He's only iinterested in getting his own cookies and the H*ll with you and yours. No foreplay, no kissing, touching, exploring??????
Sex is an art and art takes time to create. Stop allowing him to use you as his sexual recepticle.
In my eyes sex that takes less than an hour is a "Quickie." And my Lady always Cummmms first, second, and third before I even think about penetrating her.
Good Luck.
A
male
reader, Tomas +, writes (7 March 2009):
Once again I have to echo Emily. It's a golden rule that if you aren't ready to talk about it, you aren't ready to do it.
Not that you can't do it, but that you will almost inevitably end up in situations like this.
As to how to talk about it... first you can't sit back and just let things happen. For "shy" (which is a cute term), substitute "afraid". You're afraid you will say something wrong, that you will upset him, that you'll be embarrassed. You're afraid because you don't feel you know how to do it right.
Like anything, you (1) research and (2) practice.
Consider this part, dearcupid, the research.
Research says: when he climbs on top of you, push him off. Bathe/shower beforehand so you feel more confident about being naked. Shower together, and ask him to help wash you, and wash him.
Ask him if he has ever wanted to kiss you "down there". Tell him girls like boys who know how to kiss, and ask him if he wants you to teach him how. Make sure you understand your clitoris, and explain to him. ("But I'm shy!" ... shy girls get boring sex lives.)
You can use language as explicit or tame as you want. Share massages. Guild his hand to touch you the way you like to be touched. Tie him to the bed (is that the theme this week?) and rub yourself naked against him. Lower selected parts to his lips.
Basically if you want to have a more exciting sex life, you are going to need to take ownership of it. Know what you want, accept it, believe you are entitled to it. Be that person in front of your partner. Talk about what you want. Make specific requests and recommendations (some examples above), so it is easy for him to say Yes, rather than well-intentioned but fuzzy statements about novelty and exploration.
Where I'll emphasize things differently than Emily is to say that rather than make what could sound like an ultimatum (which you are entitled to make but which could raise defenses), instead say that you've realized something is missing, you want more, and you have some ideas how to get it. You want to share, teach, experiment (call it what you want) with him, and you hope he wants to as well.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, we-are-nowhere  +, writes (7 March 2009):
 being shy about this to lots of people is normal but obviously it is bothering you so try to find a way to open the subject again ,, maybe try and like stand up while u're making out and start taking a piece of cloths off at a time and pulling him closer u know invinting him to join and so on
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (7 March 2009):
You really shouldn't be having sex if you can't even speak to him.
Tell him that until you can talk about things, see each other naked, and have cracked the basics of foreplay first, there will be no more sex.
You should never be in a sexual relationship if you cannot be open and honest, other wise it is very dangerous for both of you and you may get hurt.
Always use condoms!!
Good Luck!! xx
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