A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I dated this guy for 2 months, we had sex on the first date and continued to date for several weeks. i was unsure about him the whole time, and he kept hinting that i could see him and date others. about two months in, he became a bit distant and very short with me out of the blue. so finally i let him know how angry he made me, and we ended the dating because he said his interest faded--whatever, rude. while we were dating, i hinted i wanted to be in a relationship, and maybe that freaked him out.soo..i told him i wanted to be friends with benefits and he said ok. we connect in bed well, and i do like to be around him sometimes. i just find it odd that after i told him what a horrible jerk he was and then asked to be FB, that he was like, whatever that's cool. if he wanted to be rid of me, wouldn't he just say no to the FB? does that mean he still likes me as a person, (not as g/f material of course)? and did i ruin it early on by sleeping w/ him on the 1st date? i'm very confused by what he wants.
View related questions:
friend with benefits Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, fuglyone +, writes (21 April 2009):
 Umm...at the risk of maligning decent women out there, if a woman thinks she can get some nook no strings, she often will.
A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (9 March 2009):
I'm not sure what you actually want here and I'm not sure you do either. Do you simply want him to be a guy you can call for good sex and no strings? Or do you want a boyfriend?
If you offer a guy no strings sex and he knows you REALLY don't want him as a boyfriend as you told him you don't like him, then OF COURSE he's going to come round for a good time. Especially if it means he can let go and actually enjoy sex with you.
It doesn't matter that you were mean. Guys can very easily separate the fact that they don't like you as a person, but that you have a hot body. This is why porn stars generally don't talk much or show any personality in their videos.
When it comes to sex, he will just take you at that and then go home.
Use him, have fun, use condoms and don't try and analyse this.
He'll be great every week or 3 till something better comes along for either one of you.
Good Luck!! xx
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 March 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionyes, this is probably true. but after all the names i called him and told him what a horrible human being he was, why he would even want to talk to me? wouldn't that be a turn-off?
the thing is, i initiated the FwB idea, I'm always the one who solicits him for sex, and he seems to just roll with it. i've heard from other girls he dated that he didn't seem to enjoy sex that much.
so maybe that's why i'm really confused!
...............................
A
male
reader, Tomas +, writes (9 March 2009):
At the risk of maligning many decent men out there, if a single guy is not in a relationship, and a woman whom he finds sexually attractive is willing/interested in having sex with him, he will often take advantage of that opportunity, regardless of whether he has any interest in a long-term committed relationship.
I recognize that sounds awful to a lot of people.
But if he wants to have sex, and has no "partner material" people around, and he thinks she thinks the same way, then he may view the situation as two people acting as "placeholders" for someone special, until that someone comes along.
Think of it like roommates, someone to help out with the rent.
Sorry if it sounds awful, but you said you are confused by what is going on, and I think that is what is going on. He's just interested in the sex, and your offer of FWB tells him you are just interested in him for sex.
Guys are totally capable of having sex independent of their feelings about a person. In your case, it sounds like not angry sex, or pity sex, or revenge sex, but rather convenience sex. He likes the way having sex with you feels. He hopes you like it, too, enough to give him that opportunity. If he found someone he really wanted to be with, I expect he would stop the sexual relationship with you and just be (casual) friends.
My best guess, hope it helps.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 March 2009): He is a normal guy, he wants nsa sex!! That's what all guys want....it's a dream come true.
...............................
|
