A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am a 13 year old boy, when I masturbate, I think about boys feet. I know I have a foot fetish. When I look at girls they don't turn me on... I tried to watch a hot girl on tv and masturbate but I couldn't, Am I gay? I really don't want to be gay, I am stressed out because I didn't tell anyone about this, and I'm thinking about my future. I don't want my family to know if I am gay, (if I am) ever since I was small, I have always thought about getting married with a girl and raising a family.Is their a way to be gay but get married with a girl even though if I won't be sexually attracted to her, I am sure I will truly love her for what's on the inside. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, loving arms  +, writes (7 March 2009):
slow down a minute....... Your last response sounds like all doom and gloom. Just wait a minute. You are 13 and have years yet before worrying about what you will or will not be when you are a man.
No-one knows the future babe, maybe just maybe there's a girl out there worrying and stressing just kike you. Maybe she thinks she'll never be a mum and wife. Then maybe you guys will meet up, love each other as firends, marry have your children then continue with your gay relationships outside of your home. Anything is possible. So, enjoy your life and be happy darling, what will be will be. You sound like a lovely young man who will one day grow up to be a lovely caring dad, who understands and listens to his children.
Good luck xxx be happy xxx
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 March 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionso i guess, what most of you are telling me is,
eventually, if i do turn out gay, most likely i will be with a man... and that a women wouldn't want to be with a gay guy.
i don't have anything against gays or bi, its really stressing for me to deal with the fact that i am one and knowing i wont be able to become a father...
i wouldn't even know how to tell my parents
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2009): At the point that you think a relationship wont work out will surely be,before you have kids,use protection before you make a final disision in your relationship,make sure that it is a long relationship so you'll know what your geting into.Probably in your 20s is when you'll make your final choice,unless you get with a guy before than.You'll throw your self off,many people say,have sex with guys and girls until you figure it out,but in your case it sounds like you wont to have kids and a wife,so to trying both may hinder you,b/c of your disirers for your future. At one point though you may give in and not care about the consequences of being with a guy,but remember it may cost you a family in the end.Question do you wont a family,yes or no.Yes,then go with that disrer and have a family.no, means being I wont a guy.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2009): I think that if you have a wife and tell her that your gay, she'll say why are you with me then,and not a guy.B/c I want to have kids wont be much of an answer.Shes in the relationship not,for a guy thats going to leave her one day for a man.Just think about it what if your dad said that to your mom it really wouldnt go over well,and I dont think i would go and tell my future wife hay I gay.Read other profiles on her about how either a girlfriend/wife reacts to thinking or knowing there husbands gay.It doesnt go over to well.That persons in the relationship for you not anyone els and if you tell her that,it implys that you dont love her as a wife but as a friend,a person who will bare your chilren.You may as well spit in her face,hello. Think of everything you do or say b/c it will have a good or bad reaction,especially think about this before you go forward in your life.
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A
male
reader, Tomas +, writes (6 March 2009):
Without meaning to offend those who dislike the idea, acceptance of homosexuality has been increasing steadily for decades. Things like civil unions, which would have been unthinkable in most places twenty years ago, are often proposed by opponents of gay marriage as a suitable alternative.
Relevance?
I believe that in another 20 years, it will be "normal" in much of the US for gay couples to adopt children. This is already perfectly legal in the United Kingdom, and to varying degrees in the United States.
So if you were to grow up to be gay, and you fall in love with a person of the same sex and you both want a family, one possibility is that you could adopt children who need a family, and raise them in a loving home.
While anything is possible, I think it is unlikely that a woman would marry a gay man to have a child with him, rather than have a child with someone who wants her and is less likely to want to be with someone else. And pretending to be "straight" and getting someone pregnant could lead to heartache for everyone involved (children included).
I've heard of cases where a woman friend of a gay couple may carry a child for them, but that's one heck of a friend and not something I would plan on.
The main thing to remember is that children need an environment of love to grow in, so people who are gay are (I believe) best able to raise children in a committed same-sex family.
Though 13 is waaaaay to young to worry about this (and though a male foot fetish does not count as homosexuality in my book), for those interested, you can find more information on gay adoptions at:
http://gaylife.about.com/od/gayparentingadoption/a/gaycoupleadopt.htm
Relax, and enjoy your teenage years.
Best of luck.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks, but if im gay, how do i produce kids... its so scary thinking the fact that i have a possibility of being gay...
if i am gay... once im older, do you think i will eventually get a wife that understands the fact that i am gay and is okay with that, and raise a family with me?
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A
female
reader, loving arms +, writes (4 March 2009):
No-one knows what the future will be mate. You might be gay, you might just be experiencing new things. right now just carry on as you are. If in time you are gay then it really wont matter and if you are straight or bi then that'll be ok to. You will adapt, family, friends even the ability to be a parent will all still be there.
Just enjoy being a teenager, enjoy living, we grow up and have to be 'adult' for many many more years than we get to be kids having fun. So put your worries away and just enjoy being you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI think I'm gay... i am 13 years oldReasons:I have a gay foot fetishWhen I masturbate, I think about boy's feetI think some boys with muscles are hotMost of my friends are girlsAm I really gay???
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2009): You're doing it again my friend. 4-5 years is a loooooong time to worry if your body will 'respond' to a woman. Like Tomas said, the urges are stronger when you're a man. The way I see it, you're doing very well, and are very normal. You are 'starting' feelings for this girl, just let nature take its' course now. ENJOY the time, and don't put sexual pressure on yourself. Other kids do, and make a mess of their lives. Love to you!
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A
male
reader, Tomas +, writes (2 March 2009):
Short answer, and you'll have to trust me (and other folks here) on this, but you'll know well before you are married.
Once your hormones really kick in (anywhere from ... dunno, 13 to 17?), something or someone will probably be giving you erections and making you feel head-over-heels heart-thumpingly in a crush over them.
You'll feel like everything else fades away, and the world will seem more colorful when they are around. And when they touch you, or you touch them, it will feel electric.
Marriage comes way after this. My advice is don't get married until your late 20s, because most people keep changing (as people) until 30 or so, and you just don't know yourself that well. But even in your early 20s, you'll almost certainly know. You'll have 5-15 years of dating to know whether kissing her or feeling her next to you makes your groin tingle.
It may sound weird, and you may think "but I don't know now, what if I don't then". But in practice, being young is like being full after you've eaten, and nothing really sounds that good. When you are 18, your body will feel starving, and something -- whether mac 'n' cheese or pizza -- will make you salivate. Our bodies just work that way, like every animal on earth. That's how species reproduce. It'll come soon enough.
13 is just a bit early.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you for the help thomas and anonomous!
also, at school, i have this friend, shes a girl. i like spending time with her, playing with her and just talking to her. we make each other laugh and stuff, i think that i like her, but i don't know.
and like you said before thomas,
"eventually you will find someone who makes you feel understood, and all that other stuff above, and you may have someone you care deeply about, and kids who depend on you"
what if once i find the girl that i feel good with, and we want to have children, im afraid that when we "do it" it wouldnt be sucessful
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2009): Thanks last poster for your honesty. (and of course Tomas for his insight.)
1st thing is to STOP worrying. You are a NORMAL boy trying to figure out sexual feelings and body responses. If you feed the fear, your mind 'captures' thoughts, and it's hard to let them go. Relax, relax, relax. You have alot of time to grow up and get to know girls. Your hormones are flip-flopping right now, so just tell yourself I'm not gay, I'm a normal kid trying to understand my body. One more thing, the last poster said don't go down the road of gay porn, it's putting in "specific" gay thoughts, and messes with your mind.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2009): I have the same issue I'm 20 years old and when I do meet the righ person I will be faithfull to them,and have her children.Thats me I have a fetish to with guys in suits but that me.I even watch gay porn thow I regret it b/c its adicting and I didn't think it would have such a hold on me,and I masterbate too.I've chosen not to be in any relationships up to this point b/c its just seemed like it would be a fling,hot,hot guys have come on to me but they were turned down b/c thats not the kind of relationship I wonted to be in,not only that but if I went for a guy at that point it most likely would have even more confused than I was at the time and every little thing that you do has an impact of grate porportion.It will only get harder for you when the acational short fling or even a relationship with a guy come along.Be strong,if a familys what your shooting for in your future you may even have more temtations than I had or the same either way it will be hard.I personaly have gotten overly involved with my church to keep me occupide sence I was having so many temtations it took my mind off of guys and placs I didn't want to go and if you don't really go to church get involved in something writing,vidio games,sports but if you cant handle bing in the sports enviornment.It is your choice thow really.Will you take a path like mine or another and if you go down mine try not to go into porn b/c its a hundred times harder to get out of porn than it is masterbation,not kidding!
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A
male
reader, Tomas +, writes (2 March 2009):
Hi Anonymous.
My short answer is, I think 13 is too young to tell. Not that there aren't people who know at 13 that they are straight, or gay, or bisexual, but rather I think there are a lot of people who don't know.
Sometimes there is a difference between what people think about when they masturbate, and who they fall in love with. I have heard of women who can fantasize about other women when masturbating, but enjoy sex with men more and are "straight". And straight guys can have fantasies that include other guys.
It is common to have more explicit and "kinky" fantasies when we are masturbating, than we do while going about our daily lives. And we spend most of our time (married or not) in those daily lives.
Two last things.
You don't simply marry a girl or a boy. What happens is you meet a specific person whom you love spending time with, who makes you laugh, whom you find you want to curl up next to, and you want to touch. It is a chemistry thing. So whether you find a specific girl (or boy) arousing, isn't the relevant standard. You make friends, and you find people you can't take your eyes off of, or you want to spend all your time with, and one feels the same about you. That's who you are with. Not a Girl or a Boy.
When I was 13 I didn't even masturbate. When I started, I did and thought things that I don't now. Your sexuality evolves.
I think it is safe to say that by 18 or so you will pretty much know whether a dozen girls or a dozen guys (or six of each) have caught your eye. At 13, just enjoy yourself.
But as to marrying, here is where (hopefully in 15 years or so) you will need to be careful. If you marry anyone you are not attracted to (for whatever reason; some do for money, or because of unwanted pregnancies), eventually you will find someone who makes you feel understood, and all that other stuff above, and you may have someone you care deeply about, and kids who depend on you, and you will have to choose between your heart and doing what you believe is right, and either choice will feel like the worst thing you've ever done.
Don't ever marry someone unless you are really, truly attracted to them, and love them.
And as someone who has a number of friends and family who are gay (and straight), I can say that in all cases, their partners make them feel loved and whole, and they would not trade them for the whole world.
So finally, don't worry so much about who you love; worry about learning to love well, and to be worthy of love.
Good luck.
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