A
female
age
30-35,
*hrissy121005
writes:is there a good reason that people have to find out u've had sex? because i want to have sex with my bf, he wants to have sex with me, but we r concerned about getting caught and him going to jail since he is 18 and im 15. but i thinks its impossible to get caught cuz where we r going to do it, NO one will see us, and trust me, NO one no's that we r together since are relationship is illegal. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, r4nd0menough2luvu +, writes (31 March 2009):
 Hey just relax. Think about it. I know you love him. But he loves you and you love him. HE can just finger you and stuff. You guys don't have to have sex. If you do this you guys wont get in trouble.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2009): Ahhh, sweetie... you're so young that you don't even realize what kind of power *do* you have.
You say, "but he has the final say in this" but then you say "and telling someone would get him in jail, and he would get killed by all my friends that see me like a sister". Which are very conflicting statements.
Don't you see? You HAVE the power. You have the power to send him to jail, if you want to. The final say is YOURS, it always is. The reason you don't think it is, is because he's screwed up your thinking. He knows that if you tell one person how he's treating you, he's done for. So, he convinces you that you are powerless... that you need him... that you can't be without him.
Bullshit. You had a life before he came into it, and you'll have one after he gets out of it. You need to take back the power that's yours and break it off with him. You say you're too emotional and weak? Nonsense. You're stronger than you think. Will it hurt and will you miss him? Hell yes. But that's life... and trust me, you'll go through that over and over again in this life. And you will come through it ok. Women before you have done it, and you can do it too.
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A
male
reader, answeringmachine +, writes (27 March 2009):
I know you don't want him to go to jail, and that you care about him and emotionally attached to him. Unfortunately, what he's doing to you is very wrong and I want you to know that he doesn't control you or have to have the power over you. You need to make a decision here that is best for you, because he's leaving and that will leave you by yourself with whatever happens.
You know he could go to jail if he does that with you and because your parents would have a problem with him too, and he knows it too, so you have more power than you think. I doubt he wants to go to jail either, and if he realizes that you know you could put him there, he should back off.
But you have to tell someone if you feel unsafe beforehand because you want to have backup in this situation so he can't continue manipulating you. I'm very sorry this happend to you, I know it's a hard situation.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2009): just read your follow up (note to self always read the followups first)
you do have a choice - if you don't you are his slave. You aren't. You are you - a fine and fabulous woman.
Dump the low life and live.
Star.x.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2009): yes its illegal
its not worth it - he will screw you get his vriginity breakers badge, dump you and move on. And if he is very bad or even just unlucky pregnant and with a dose of clap.You will be left alone.
wait. it will be soo much better for waiting till you are older. that way you will know if he just wants you for sex.
Star.x.
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A
female
reader, r4nd0menough2luvu +, writes (27 March 2009):
I don't think people should know oly if you want them to know. This is your own life. But i think you should wait t'll your older so he won't get in trouble and you won't either. Because you don't want to make your bf go to jail. So it think you should w8. And having sex isn't the only way of showing you love each other. Also if he truely loves you he will wait until your older. If he can't wait and says he loves you but want to hve sex. He is just useing you for sex. So i think you should w8.
PS: but it is your choice. Follow you heart what is right.
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A
female
reader, cls1990  +, writes (27 March 2009):
 i lost my virginity at 14, it was the worst thing i ever did.
i have regretted it since it happened.
and if i could go back in time i would have stayed a virgin untill i met my partner im with now
Cx
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (27 March 2009):
 The reason you are so emotional is because you are so young. Kids are emotional because they lack the maturity to reason things out. Hense that is why we have laws about this sort of thing. But not to worry it's a temporary condition.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (27 March 2009):
Well if you like being all emotional and miserable then you are stuck with him.
Hopefully he will choose to use a condom when he makes you have sex or you're going to be stuck with his baby when he swans off to the marines and leaves you anyway.
It's your choice. Get a life and be happy, or, be miserable and stay with him.
Good Luck!! xx
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2009): Chrissy, you need to grow up here. Your friends are not going to kill him and neither are your parents, stop being a drama queen.
This is your life and you know this is an unhealthy relationship for you and you cannot let him control you and force you or talk you into having sex with him when you know this is not good for you....he is leaving you...get that through your noggin.....accept this and ask for the help you need in staying away from him until he leaves...if you can't see through this enough to protect yourself, then ask for help from your parents, not your immature peers/friends....your parents want to help you, and no they are not going to jail over it and neither is he going to jail. He hasn't done anything yet.....and you need to say so when you ask them for their help.
Like I said stop being a drama queen and do what you need to do to take care of this.
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A
female
reader, chrissy121005 +, writes (27 March 2009):
chrissy121005 is verified as being by the original poster of the questioneven though i no its not healthy, i still want him, its not easy just breaking up and not going back. cuz i have broken up with him twice, and he broke up with me once, and somehow i still go back.im just such a emotional person, i just cant let go of him. so i admit that im a little girl, but ending it with him, and not going back, isnt an option for me cuz im just not strong enough to do that.and telling someone would get him in jail, and he would get killed by all my friends that see me like a sister. my parents would kill him and then kill me for going out with someone behind their backs. so things r just to complicated to end it
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2009): Where are your parents? Tell them about your abusive relationship with this guy, show them the article and ask for their help...stay away from him....it isn't hard, don't be alone around him ever, stop answering his calls, his texts emails and first tell him that you can't see him anymore, you don't want to have sex, that he can be prosecuted by your parents and they know about it! You are underage. ....that should do it, you don't need him, and you will be relieved when he goes away and out of your life!
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (27 March 2009):
Well if you are not grown up enough / strong enough to walk away from a man that you KNOW is horrible to you and you KNOW is manipulating you, then you are definitely not ready for sex.
The BEST lesson you can learn is you become a woman is to walk away.
Just don't call him, don't reply to texts and stay at home and with your friends. What is he going to do? If he gets nasty then call the police.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
female
reader, chrissy121005 +, writes (27 March 2009):
chrissy121005 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionits just i relized something just about 20 minutes ago. im in a emotionally and verbally abusive realtionship. my friend emailed me something that made me relized this, but i cant end it with my boyfriend. i dont have the power to, like i said, he has all power in our realtionship. i basicly do watever he says, cuz i dont want him to jail or anything so i just do w.e. he wants me to do.
i no it seems stupid, and that im immature, but with him i dont have really an option. im really mature with other boys and all my ex boyfriends, but hes so differnt, he so minipulating. so he has the final say in weather i do it or not, unless somehow i get him to break up with me beforehand.
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A
female
reader, wonderingcat +, writes (27 March 2009):
 One quick question, Chrissy: Why is he the one with the final say in this matter? It is your life too, your body, your sexual reproductive system, and your future when you become an independent adult. Please tell us that you are responsibly in full control of your body and that you are not to be dictated by anyone until you are in the age of legal consent. Even then, you are still in control of your body too.
Cat
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2009): Give me a break! He doesn't have the final say in this you do! It is your heart and your body that you need to protect. Honey, this guy is using you, he is a Marine for God's sake, he is leaving you....so don't do it, save your most precious gift for when you are older, more mature and are in love with a man, not a boy, who has proven that he loves you with time, attention, love and commitment, not a shag before he goes off to do whatever.....
Think!
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A
male
reader, Tomas +, writes (27 March 2009):
Just to be clear, when it comes to your body, *you* always have the final say in it.
Just saying.
:-) Take care, and stick up for what you know is right. That's part of being an adult.
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A
female
reader, chrissy121005 +, writes (27 March 2009):
chrissy121005 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks for the adive, im not sure what we r going to do yet. cuz we havent talked about the subject since we got back together. when we talk, well figure things out i guess. but now that i think about it, i probably shouldnt, since he is leaving to the marines this year. if i get to emotionaly attached after sex, its going to be a very hard time for me, cuz im just a VERY emotional person. but he has the final say in this.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2009): Don't be stupid. Your boyfriend is in the wrong. The reason sex with a minor is illegal is because girls your age don't have enough life experience to make good judgements about such things.....and your attitude that no one is going to know so we can't get caught is a prime example.
Your biggest concern should be your self respect and safety. I know it is cool now days to be a non virgin, but trust me you don't know what the repercussions are of having sex at too young an age. There is the risk of pregnancy, there is the risk of getting cervical cancer from the HPV virus and condoms do not protect you from this and your sheer youth is what puts you at extreme risk for this and no one really knows why. There is your emotions to consider, having sex brings up all kinds of emotions that you are not mature enough to handle. There is the strong possibility that once you have sex with this 18 year old boy, he will no longer want you, he will lose respect for you actually and brag to his friends that he popped your cherry....how do you think you will feel then.
Boys his age have one thing on there brains when it comes to girls, sex, and he will act as if he loves you or thinks you hang the moon in order to get sex. Sex does not make a guy stay, it doesn't make him love you, he can easily have sex with you and forget you, men are different this way than women, we strongly bond to a man after having sex with him, our brains are hard-wired to do this.
Talk to your mom about wanting to be sexually active, if you are hell bent on doing so, then get on the pill first be responsible, don't be another teenage statistic and lose out on your precious teen years and your future with an unwanted pregnancy....condoms slip, they break they have a failure rate....and that's called being a daddy and a mommy.
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A
female
reader, wonderingcat +, writes (27 March 2009):
Being "secretive" is almost always an indication that one should not be doing it in the first place. Unless, of course, it is for something nice and good, like, planning a birthday party, or a nice surprise, or finding out what your partner/best friends would like to have for XMas etc etc etc. Even these things, one usually will involve others to carry out their "secret plan"
So, that alone answers your question. You are being secretive because deep down you know it is wrong. And you seem intelligent already to know what is it that you are doing wrong.
The worst case scenario has already been painted by other aunts here. But what you need to know also is that if and when that happens, you too will feel bad because you have become part of this bad situation. And this is not a good experience that you would like to remember in your life, is it? You are a good person, so I think you too would rather remember experiences that a positively enriching your life as opposed to those that would "haunt" you in the future.
So, I hope you also be intelligent and smart and not do what you think is already wrong. Love is to be enjoyed and for people to see that you are happy. If this means that you need to wait for a while, please do so. If that means that you have to spend time with your boyfriend while "chaperoned" by other friends and family (e.g. in a mall, going out as a group), then you can do that too.
Please keep safe, and sensible like the good girl that you are.
Cat
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A
female
reader, minnie_me  +, writes (27 March 2009):
it isnt worth the risk you should just wait until it is legal because if u did have sex and he got arrested you would feel really bad. if he truly loved you he would understand. Good luck with everything!
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (27 March 2009):
Yeah, how many times do we get questions saying "I think I am pregnant, my boyfriend is 18 will he go to jail?"
And the answer is "Yep."
Not worth the risk.
If he's too ashamed to have you as his girlfriend in the open and wait for you to be legal, then he obviously was only after sex with a little girl anyway.
Good Luck!! xx
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