A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend of 4 months says I'm his... therefore so is my body, supposedly we love each other. He says he does, his hands are always all over me, alone or not! Once we are in a private place and he wouldn't stop! I don't mind that but I do mind him sticking his hand down my panties, I tell him every time but still he is convinced that I'm his girlfriend so I'm his, my body is his!How on earth can I get him to understand that this is my body, that he should respect if Ii don't want him doing that to me. Loving him and being his girlfriend doesn't mean I'm totally his. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Meat ball +, writes (28 August 2016):
In a healthy relationship, both members must consentingly give up partial ownership of themselves in a lot of love relationships. Not necessarily their bodies, but their being. This is fine as long as its not oppressively controlling. This only works if both parties do this in a healthy way. If one person doesn't give up partial ownership of themselves, u should give it up to them. The exception is healthy strick dominant and submissive relationships.
A
male
reader, artian  +, writes (10 March 2009):
 He sounds a little to excited and eager to me!!!!!!!Totally unacceptable!!!He needs educating rapidly!!!!! Tell him straight; You are smothering me!You do not own me! I do what I want when I want! Not when you say!I have control over myself and you are NOT my master! If we both enjoy the things we both want it will be better for both of us. Not just for him! Tell him he is supposed to make you feel comfortable and feel calm and respect you. Ask him... Don't you know how to treat a girl????Give him the ultimatum... Stop this animal way or its over!In fact, ditch him as soon as possible before something crazy happens and tell his mother why!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 March 2009): okay, he sounds dangerous to me. Has he been violent with you? If he says he owns you and you tell him no, I am concerned for your safety. If you perceive your safety may at all be in question- do not be with him again alone. This is not a healthy respectable relationship. You may feel some attraction and like the idea of having a boyfriend, but there is somebody better out there for you that will respect you and you need to get moving on.
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A
male
reader, Replacement  +, writes (7 March 2009):
 He is behaving unacceptably. If you say no, it is his responsibility to stop. Simple as that. Going further without your consent is assault. He does not own you, and no man should EVER expect their girlfriend to let him touch her wherever he likes, whenever he likes. That is not an acceptable demand to place on your loved one. When you love somebody you respect their boundaries and want them to feel comfortable and happy at all times. You do not claim ownership over their body and expect them to bend to your will. That is never okay. This man sounds like he could be dangerous, I wouldn't be surprised if he raped you one day, if he truly thinks he owns your body then that's the next logical step for his behavior to take. Next time he touches you when you don't want him to, leave the room. Tell him that your body is YOURS. He doesn't own a SINGLE PART of it. You decide when it is touched, when it isn't. Even if you're making out on his bed, you have every right to say No to anything further. If he can't handle just kissing you, that's his problem. Don't let him pressure you.
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A
male
reader, Tomas +, writes (7 March 2009):
"How on earth can I get him to understand that this is my body, that he should respect if Ii don't want him doing that to me."
Actions speak louder than words. You get him to understand it by (1) explaining that if he doesn't change his behavior then you don't want to be with him, then (2) if he doesn't change his behavior you stop being with him.
Unfortunately he is perfectly entitled to *want* a partner who lets him touch her whenever and however he wants. You can't force him to change that. You can only establish boundaries and enforce them.
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A
male
reader, ArmyMedic +, writes (7 March 2009):
 Even with your reply I stand by my answer!
NO means NO! It is that simple, he has to know the boundaries, and if he continues it is SEXUAL ASSAULT.
If I'm in the mood and my wife isn't I don't push her into it because that is RAPE! It doesn't matter how much you love each other, you can not force someone to do something they don't want to do, it's illegal!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 March 2009): hi , im the one who posted the question i donnu how u verify this so the code u gave me is 84CBZCA5FE
i know what i posted sounds awful and all but let me be fair and tell more ,, i do enjoy making out with him and all but he does take it to a level i dont want and when i tell him no he keeps on trying and trying the thing is he is not a bad guy .. and is it my fault ? cause i keep thinking maybe i give him mixed signals like going to his place and sleeping on the bed while making out and all that i dont know i really just dont know he doesnt strick me like that kind of guy ! ..
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 March 2009): Okay firstly, your body is yours! Whether you have been married to this guy for twenty years, or whether you have been with him for one day, it doesn't matter... again your body is yours! You dress it, you look after it, you decide how it looks, and you need to let him know that. Explain to him that you feel uncomfortable with what he is doing, and if all else fails don't let him touch you at all until he gets the message. I've been through this and would love nothing more than to go back into the past and tell him where to go, but i never did. I let him do what he wanted beliveing he loved me, when really all he wanted was to control me. Please stop him now before it goes further and your not allowed to do anything because 'your his'. Again, tell him how you feel, and be an independant woman! Go for it =] xxx
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 March 2009): I think he is suffering from some sort of compulsion and has a fear of losing you. It does sound like you dont love him as much so it might be a case of stopping the relationship right now. I can see if this goes on for more than a year it could end up being a stalker case when he beomes totally obsessed with you.
It is your body and no one has the right to invade your space.
I hope everything turns out fine and take care
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A
male
reader, ArmyMedic +, writes (7 March 2009):
This is sexual assault! It doesn't matter if he's a random, your boyfriend or your husband!
Tell him not to do it again or you will go to the police! And if he does it again go to the police, this boy is a SEX OFFENDER! and has no respect for you at all!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 March 2009): I think that he sounds very controlling
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A
female
reader, vamp-gal +, writes (7 March 2009):
 Hey!
I'm going to point out the obvious and say that this IS NOT right. You are in control of your body, girlfriend of his or not and if he can't understand that then he isn't worth it.
You need to tell him that you're not comfortable with it. If he doesn't like it, then that's his problem.
You may love him, but what happens if it gets out of hand? You say he does it whether you're in a private place or not, that is also wrong.
Talk to him and let him know that your body is yours and not anyone elses. You're his girlfriend, yes. But your in control of your own body and that's that.
Hope this helps.
Good Luck.
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A
male
reader, Ted-ster +, writes (7 March 2009):
.......and why are you with this guy? Still?
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A
female
reader, wonderingcat +, writes (7 March 2009):
 This is the 21st century, and you are in America.
You are the "owner" of your own body. You are not his "slave".
You are a human being, not a blow up doll.
If he does not understand the concepts above, then he needs to catch up several centuries worth of readings on history and human rights issues.
If, after he catches up on his readings, he still did not get it, then he is a lost cause, my dear.
Cat
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (7 March 2009):
This guy must have been brought up by baboons in the 17th century.
There is NO excuse for that attitude and to be honest he sounds like he could be dangerous.
He clearly has no respect for women and especially not you.
He sounds like a rapist waiting to happen.
These are massive danger signs hun, he is not stopping when you tell him to, and that is assault.
Please please please get out of this relationship before he forces anything else on you.
This is not how decent men act. This is not what happens when a guy CARES about you.
You may love him but you have to be strong and smart and walk away.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
female
reader, MonksDaBomb +, writes (7 March 2009):
 I don't like where this is heading. If a guy truly loves a girl, he loves her unconditionally and not necessarily just to get into bed with her. News flash - it is YOUR body, not his. If I were you I would get away from this guy as he sounds bad news. Either that or put your foot down sternly and tell him "No!" But I have a feeling this guy won't take no for an answer so it's best to just get away from him. Good luck :)
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