A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I think my little brother is gay. For some time, I think I was subconsciously worried about this ever since I saw him listen to Britney Spears songs on my ipod. I'm not saying that's an automatic signal for homosexuality, but my reaction to that might have made him withdrawn about it. I remember asking him why he was listening to Britney Spears in a what-is-wrong-with-you kind of tone, and I'm sure there were more small incidents where I tried to make my brother act more like a guy. At home, he always closes shut internet windows when I come in his room, and today he even locked his door for a while and didn't open it right away when I asked if I could come in. When he was out of the room I checked his internet history and there are a bunch of gay porn sites that he'd been to. I'm totally okay if my brother is really gay, but I feel like this is something we have to talk about--especially since in my highschool (exactly where he will be going to after middle school), people cannot tolerate the one gay guy in the student body. I want to mention this to my parents but I'm scared I might get him in trouble for watching porn (he's a 6th grader), and I'm scared of talking to him in person because I might say something wrong and then he would never open up again.
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female
reader, darkprincess1992  +, writes (20 August 2010):
OMG! My brother is 13 and he's doing basically the same things. I've seen gay porn videos on our house computer, but thought maybe it was just like a virus thing, but I let him my laptop and now theres gay porns site on it.
Ive always been open about how I totally accept homosexuality etc, but even so, I feel kinda uncomfortable because he's putting on this act he likes girls etc.
I dont know if its a phase or not. But I guess, we can only love them and be there for them when it comes to that time if they ever come out.
Good Luck!
A
male
reader, fuglyone  +, writes (21 April 2009):
 Teach him how to fight.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2009): i thought the same thing about my little brother and it was true: he was gay. he is about 14 years old and i found out that he was looking at pictures of naked men. i told my parents and now they just kind of look at him differently.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 March 2009): To be honest with you, i don't see this as a problem. If yu were writing in saying 'i think my brother is a drug dealer' or 'my brother is a murderer' that would be something different! I know your only looking out for him, but let him do what he wants to do, and if he comes to you for help, be supportive and look out for him. Telling your parents may embarrass him, and more you if it turns out that he isn't. Again i know your only looking out for him, but you need to let him do what he wants to do, if he isn't harming anyone then it's nothing to worry about.
I wish you and your brother the best =] xxx
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A
male
reader, Ted-ster +, writes (7 March 2009):
Don't embarrass him. It's private; and you're invading his privacy. Send him messages (not over the top, and not in your face), that you think he is a great guy, and that you always be there for him, and that you love him (dont; say no matter what). He'll talk to you about it if/when he chooses. Otherwise, MYOB (mind your own business).
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 March 2009): He is very young, he is too young to know exactly who he is at this time. He is experimenting with likes and dislikes.
I agree totally with Tomas! Thank God we are now living in a time when the world is so much more acceptable to homosexuality.
I always suspected my older brother (2 1/2 years older than me) was gay...this was back in the day, when people weren't so tolerant.
I just found out recently that way back in the 70's, he confided in my dad, that he was infact gay. My fathers response was "Don't ever let your mother find out...it would kill her." Well he lived quietly with the secret for another 12 years. And then one day, He just got in his car, drove up to Connecticut (from Long Island) attached a hose to the tail pipe, and into the car...and was gone! This was in '82, when people were in a panic over aids, and homosexuality. He didn't leave an explanation. I believe he just couldn't live with the secret any longer! I can't tell you how I wish he could've held out hope, and was alive now, in this day and age to see how far we have come!
I miss him terribly (he was my only sibling)
I am a firm believer in "live and let live!" We all need to be accepting of our loved ones choices! If he would have just confided in me, maybe I could've given him the support he needed!
I can't bring him back, but I can support gay rights! And I do!
Your brother doesn't know who he is yet...but when the time comes please be there for him if this is his destiny!
I wish you and your brother the best!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 March 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionto answer Tomas's question, all the porn sites he's been on are gay, like every single one and thank you to Tomas, OtherStarfish, and Britt for your replies.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 March 2009): i think Thomas answer is perfect. But to add to it ...your brother is young so he is probably dipping his toe into the world of sex. It does not mean he is gay....just curious.
Star.x.
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A
male
reader, Tomas +, writes (7 March 2009):
Full disclosure: I used to play with my cousin's Barbies as a kid, and know the words to almost every Andrew Lloyd Webber musical. A mate once told me even in college that he was surprised I was straight, after seeing me dance with a woman.
And I'm happily married and just not turned on sexually by guys at all.
So the cultural markers like Brittney I'd ignore. The porn is more interesting. Was it only/almost exclusively gay porn? If so it's possible that he is gay, but by no means certain. If it was gay porn along with straight and giraffe and robot porn, then I'd ignore it.
Unless he is doing something harmful to himself or others, his sex life is basically his. Yes he's in 6th grade; back in my day that's when Playboys were usually passed around. The Internet makes it easier to get exposed to a lot more sexuality.
Anyway, I'd separate the issue of your brother's use of porn, from his sexuality.
Policing his Internet usage is your parent's job. If they have allowed him to use a computer in his own room, without supervision or review, then that's their call. Perhaps you could talk to them casually about whether they ever worried about your internet usage when you were younger, or your brother, just as a way to sense what their opinions or values are (such as "well nobody under 15 is even interested in sex so we aren't worried" ... then you can set them straight on that without dragging your brother in).
As for his sexuality, I think the best you could do is to let him get to know you as someone who is totally okay with homosexuality, that it is something that doesn't weird you out, or make you run to Mom and Dad, or get super-nosy nor withdrawn. *If* you can do it subtly, you can talk positively about people you know who are gay, or issues (Prop 8 in California right now) that concern gay rights and society's ambivalence towards them.
This serves two purposes. First, it lets him know your values, and makes you someone safe to talk if he does need that in future. Second, it raises his attention to the difficulties and prejudices that gay people face in society. As an added bonus, even if he turns out to be straight-as-an-arrow, he has a sister he can talk to and more empathy for the people around him.
Good luck.
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