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Terrifying nightmares about the male friend I love. What can I do?

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Question - (7 March 2009) 3 Answers - (Newest, 8 March 2009)
A female United States age 30-35, *illerbyte writes:

I keep having dreams about my best friend, who I am in love with.

I don't think he is romantically attracted to me and it may be why I am so deeply troubled by this, since every night I have a different nightmare about him. In my dreams he's always either dead or on the verge of death, and I can't save him or stop him from being killed. The deaths have varied from gunshot to the head to being poisoned and pretty much everything in between. So, I wake up very often horrified at what I've been dreaming about. It's making me very worried all the time and I don't know what to think. I see him just about every day and I have a dream like this about him every night. I don't understand. Why does this keep happening to me?

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A female reader, Killerbyte United States +, writes (8 March 2009):

Killerbyte is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Thanks, all. I think that will help a lot.

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A male reader, Tomas United States +, writes (7 March 2009):

I'd guess the dreams are your subconscious trying to deal with your fears of losing him, if you tell him how you feel.

Worrying is trying to make decisions without enough information. Persistent nightmares might be similar; your subconscious mind trying to deal with worries you avoid dwelling on while awake.

The easiest way to get them to stop, I would think, is to change the situation. Talk to him about it. Tell him you've been having recurring nightmares in which he dies, which is really upsetting, but you think it is because you fear losing his friendship if he knows how much you feel for him. And you don't want to lose him, but you do want to sleep through the night. Does he have any suggestions?

He can dodge the subject of your feelings and talk about the nightmares ("how did I die?"), he can excitedly zero in on the feelings ("how much do you feel?"), but either way you should know more - what he feels and that the sky doesn't fall - and hopefully that knowledge will change the dream pattern.

My 2 cents, hope they help.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (7 March 2009):

how often? at a guess its your brain discharging its thoughts in a confused muddle.

your friend is just a focal point of something you know, that you are comfortable with and the death scenes are really a point of change. I think its you that has decisions to make and you see them coming up. these wont be about him - but you...

ok that's my rubbish attempt at dream analyst Jung would be proud. Freud obviously disappointed that I didn't say sex once.

Stop worrying about it - before sleeping and go talk to him.

Hugs, star.x.

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