A
female
age
30-35,
*arasu10
writes:ok so me and this guy dated for about 2 months then he ended it because he said he didnt feel the same. it was very rough on me for some time, but me and him ended up becoming very good friends. whenever we talked we would talk for hours on end, which is still the case today, and not get bored. about 2 months into this friendship he moved in with another girl. at this time i just saw him as a friend still, or so i thought, so i was happy for him. then we'd get into our "4 hour" long convos and he began telling me that they're always fighting. me being a good friend tells him that itll work out even though in my head i was thinking get out now. just a couple nights ago i was at a party and i had been texting him the whole day and i kinda sorta slipped out that i missed being with him. i didnt realize til after i sent it that it was true. he sent me the same thing saying how much he misses me and how perfect i am and how he's not happy at all living there. it baffled me. im currenty dating somebody as well and we're talking about moving in together, but i dont think it's fair to him if i still have feelings for my ex. what does my ex telling me all that stuff mean? and what do i do about the current guy?
View related questions:
moved in, my ex, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Tomas +, writes (9 March 2009):
My gut instinct? I'd ask the ex if he wants to date you, to try again.
Not as in, "I'm asking you to try again"
But rather, "I'm close to someone, and I also still have feelings for you, and if this thing between us is going somewhere, I need to know so that I'm fair to the guy I'm with."
If you were about to get married to your current guy, I'd say that you are going too fast. Merely talking about Moving in? Eh, maybe too fast, but it depends on the circumstances.
And notice as well that I'm not suggesting you tell your ex that if he is interested, you will break up with your boyfriend.
Rather, it is easy to tell someone you miss people (I miss lots of people) and that you think they are great (I think lots of people are great) and that you aren't happy where you are right now (I'm not doing cartwheels). That is not the same as stating intentions.
You need to figure out what his intentions are, and if they are serious, or might become serious, then I think you owe it to your boyfriend to slow down. If you want to date both, then you have some unresolved feelings towards an old friend, and maybe you want to explore those before you make any further commitment, better to understand those feelings now rather than later, and you understand that if you cn't make that commitment to him yet, you can't expect any more commitment from him. But that you are still interested in him (if you are), etc.
The main thing is, I'd suggest you avoid (1) overreacting to idle nostalgia and torpedoing your current relationship, and (2) knowingly starting anything with your ex without making sure that your current boyfriend has the right expectations about the emotional and physical exclusivity of your relationship. That's all you owe him, but you do owe him that.
|
