A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am a single 22 year old woman and enjoy sex. I have had sex with a total of ten guys since i was 17 and can go a few months without any sexual interaction. Yet i am worried i come across slutty when i do go home with someone. I am always safe but i do worry. I enjoy sex but would hate to think i would have a reputation. I would love someones insight! Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Gabrielle Stoker  +, writes (12 September 2014):
 You need to decide how much it affects you. I'm not a good example, being actually quite worthy of being called a slut, but nonetheless, I think you should accept that while you may not always fit in with society's expectations - which are unrealistic - regarding acceptable sexual behavior, it would be unfair to deny yourself something that you can enjoy safely.
Be discreet, be safe, stay within your personal limits.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2014): I was often called a slut when I was your age for no good reason. I was called by male or female but I used to laugh in their face,because the girls who said it were probably jealous and the odd guys who slammed me, couldnt get a shag it was quite simple to work out. Look any full bodied mind worth taking any notice of, would not be name calling in the first place and they would be far to busy getting layed themselves.Get used to the peevy prudish jealous ding dongs who want to be nasty who think they are perfect human beings.Regarding reputation, no matter how well we try to MAKE keep OR have a good clean reputation, if we don't mess it up ourself some prat does it for us. repuation I have had many UNTRUE repuations and I have not had to do anything to earn them. My best advice would be just be true to your self, don't live for votes, live your life as you see fit.Reputations good or bad are often built on untruth anyway.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 September 2014): Women slut-shame other women FAR more often than men slut-shame women. Men usually don't give women a hard time for it. We just don't care if they aren't dating you. But we also may not think a promiscuous history is very attractive when we want a long term partner. And we have every right to feel that way if we want. Your sex life is your choice. If you don't like what you are doing then stop doing it. If you enjoy it then keep doing it. But please don't complain if it turns some people off in the future. Your sex life is also your responsibility. A past criminal history does not get erased just because the person stops committing crimes. Neither does credit history, education, job history, etc. You can't expect people to disregard your past sexual history later just because you don't always do it or you stopped doing it.
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A
female
reader, Behavioural Analysis +, writes (10 September 2014):
 I don't agree with "slut shaming" but, because of the way people are, you have to be prepared to have a reputation if you sleep around.There's nothing "wrong" with it, per se, but there will always be people who don't agree with that lifestyle and even many partners who wouldn't consider you if they feel like tens of guys/girls have been all over his/her love's body - another thing you'll have to accept that may happen because of the life you're choosing to live. However, it will just make it harder to find someone, not impossible. I know people who wouldn't date someone who has been around a lot because it's not who they are or ever have been, so I wouldn't call that judgemental (as long as they aren't nasty about it), but it just wouldn't fit with their "morals/values/standards", for lack of better terms. There are quite a lot of people who wouldn't mind your action, but probably only a few who would like it because most people don't want to think of their love being with lots of other people, but it still means you won't have to be alone forever or anything like that.From the little you've said, it sounds like you're worried what people would think, rather than anyone actually saying anything about it yet? If so, maybe that's your conscience/guilt talking and it's just saying this lifestyle isn't for you any more? Unfortunately, you'll have to pick: do you want to keep having one night stands and "friends" with benefits, but have to deal with this feeling still, or do you want to stop this feeling or anxiety by not have sex with random people? It's possible to still have sex with random people and not feel anxious about how badly it may reflect on you, but you have to be a certain type of thick-skinned person to successfully do that and I don't think you'd be worried about it if there wasn't a part of you, no matter how small, who felt like what you're doing could be bad/wrong (for you).I'd suggest taking a break from it for a few months and seeing if it makes you feel any better, then decide what you want to do :)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2014): I can relate here because I often worry about the same thing regarding myself. My numbers are slightly more than yours but similar, but when I have made a genuine effort to meet someone nice for a relationship, I have not really gotten anywhere.
People will always judge you no matter how you act/look/behave. Try not to worry about what they think, and think more about what you want. I know it isnt easy to find someone nice for a relationship. All I can say is always use contraception x
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A
female
reader, Euphoric29  +, writes (9 September 2014):
Dear OP,
It's possibly true that some people will judge you based on the number of sexual partners you have. To them, having slept with 10 guys at the age of 22 will make you a slut. But you know.. in some countries women are already considered sluts for showing their faces, or revealing their shoulders or knees. Or having sex before marriage. There are all kinds and shades of conservatism out there, OP, and in a huge part of the world your life would be unacceptable. That's a woman's reality until this day. And some people would have liked the same amount of experience as you, and call you morally inferior out of envy.
But what matters is how YOU see it, and the people you love (because their opinion will really impact on you, apart from your own). What are your values and opinions? What are your goals? With what people do you want to get along? What do your friends think? Would your parents judge your lifestyle or not? Are you happy the way it is.. or do you hope for something else?
Personally, I prefer to have sex with someone I love and trust, but I had some one-night-stands or FWB scenarios and that was okay as well. But the older I get, the more serious I am taking intimacy and the more selective I have become about the people I share those special moments with.
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (9 September 2014):
 You kow what, "reputation' is a word for what others think...What you think of yurself is all thats really important. You saidyou feel a little slutty. Ifthat makes you feel bad about yourself then alter your behavor, otherise scw the world(pun intended).
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A
male
reader, dougbcoll +, writes (9 September 2014):
 My insight is these guys you are going home with are out just for one thing. to get what they want and think of you as a few minutes pleasure. " i enjoy sex but would hate to think i would have a reputation." if you are thinking about it and still having sex with random guys, it is not bothering you too much. or you are starting to wake up and see how it may impact your life. the problem in the future may be when you do find your Shinning Knight, will you be embarrassed or haunted to tell him of your exploits? will you be honest with him? will he be able to handle it? will your sex life limit the choice of guys that may accept your past exploits? you need to think of these things. you need to think of the future and how your actions can effect it. everything we do in life effects us, and other people for the better or for the worse. have self respect, and don't be easy. you will draw different type of guys to you that will respect you , or want hang around very long.
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A
female
reader, WhenCowsAttack +, writes (9 September 2014):
There is nothing wrong with enjoying sex. I enjoyed sex with many different men in my youth, and eventually settled with the man of my dreams, who enjoyed sex with many different women in his youth. Now we just enjoy it together. :-)
I hate the way women are slut shamed. It's wrong. I wouldn't change a thing about myself or my past. As long as you are being safe I don't see the problem. I say carry on until you find someone you want to settle down with.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2014): Maybe it might be time for a meaningful relationship. If you only go out to find anonymous/random sex-partners and you aren't very discreet about it; you can't avoid gossip.
Your guilt is just your values reminding you of the type of person you really are. That little angel on your shoulder.
You're above irresponsible behavior, and your conscience is just keeping you in check. Listen to it. Someday you will find someone you will want to commit to, and you don't want too many winks in your direction. Don't let the double-standards of society concern you; listen to the that part of yourself that governs your character and behavior. Sounds pretty much like you are.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2014): You are not the first to go against standart society rules without a reason to do so. If you want, you can do it.
Reputation is something created by society and bothers you only if you care.
If you do care, than you'll have to stop acting "slutty", otherwise just do what you do.
There is nothing more to say.
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