A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi guys.I met a girl couple of months ago on her last day in my city. That evenung and thereafter we kept in touch on facebook chat. We havr gotten to know each other eell now after many chats and aldo now i have called her once and talked on the phone and we exchange messages on whatsapp. Just a week ago we got into a real emotional chat where she said she told me things she has never told anybody. She also said it would be great if i could be there with her. So did I cause i really like her. So last week i told her i was travelling around some places and a city close to hers is also om my list. She offered to come and show me around immeadiately. But the dates were a bit conflicting so i told her i managed to book an extra day. Now since the last weekend she has been very short on the mesaages. She still replies but not withthe same frequency. When i jokingly said was she scared to meet me, she said a little but put a hahaha on the end of the chat. I must add she just got a job and was stresded for that and also had friends visitng. Also the 2 days before she is coming to show me around she has two big exams. I understand that but i feel somehow that she is flaking or maybe she is really scared. Help
View related questions:
facebook Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2014): Dear female anonymous reader and others too...OP here !!I dont think i share ur perspective completely. Yes it is indeed overwhelming to handle things, but at the same time i can see that its not impossible to do it. Her exams are now done and her job does not begin this week. She still has time to hangaround with her friends as I can see from Facebook. Its not that difficult to make a few hours time for someone you really like. I did that; i made time in my trip to see her.I feel that she does not want to see me. Maybe cause she was never into me (would be real bitchy of her if that was the case as she made it very obvious that she wanted to see me) or she got scared to see me after I told her I was coming down.Why is it my onus only to be understanding? I flew miles and miles to see her only to be dissapointed.And just to test her , i offered to visit her to her town instead of she coming to the city near her place i am visiting. She completely disregarded that !!! And said she was sorry. If she cared, I would expect her to elaborate a bit atleast, not just a plain sorry. If i let her get away with flaking she will do it again. So i guess i need to freeze her out or just say "dont flatter urself. I am not mad, i barely know you. But I am dissappointed. Good luck with everything."If anyone has any suggestions pls let me know !
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 September 2014): You have to see it from her perspective. If I had ONE exam coming up, I would need to focus my time and energy on studying. If I had a new job, I would need to focus on learning the new job, preparing myself mentally, preparing what to wear, meeting new people, learning the ropes. If I also met someone new that I really liked, I would want to be cleaning house and preparing to meet them....and it would become all too much. I study with exams and I constantly feel 'conflicted' with the time my bf wants with me. I WANT to pass my exams and I WANT to put my time, efforts and focus into the assignments and study. When my bf pushes for my time, I feel anxious and more stressed. My thought is, you understand that you are feeling maybe a little rejected, and your anger is a reaction to how much you actually like her. If at this time you show her love and support and understanding it will endear you to her enormously. Tell her you are not mad, you are disappointed but totally understand. Tell her you would like to keep in touch while she gets through these events and when things become less hectic, you'll look at meeting up again.I suggest always assuming the positive, and giving the benefit of the doubt. If you are wrong to do that, eventually you will know, but better to do that, than assume the worst - and be wrong about that.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 September 2014): OP here again ad i see that my last post did not make it. SO here it is again.
She says she knows i am mad. (Which i dont think i really am). She says she understands that but she can just say sorry. Couldnt be worse.
DO i reply to that. How? Or do i shut her out completely even from messaging and facebook. Thx
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 September 2014): Op here again. And she said she knows i am mad at her. She understands but is sorry. COuldnt get worse i think.
What say u guys?
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 September 2014): Thanks guys. She flaked !! Told me she had to prepare for
The new job. I dont buy it.
I am thinking to completely ignore her from here on
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (9 September 2014):
 Just send her a friendly reminder of what day/day you are going to be there and tell her, hey if you have too much on your plate to hang out, that is OK, just let me know.
That way you have given her an OUT, that she can take or leave.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2014): HI guys OP here. Thanks for that. Her friend is already gone but i understand myself that exams can be stressing. As you guys suggested i might call her or maybe send a message saying its ok if she wants not to meet rigjt away.
Any suggestions on that. I dont want it eithet to sound that i am just blowing her off.
What do i say to her if its that she is only scared of her feelings. I can understand that because we have gotten close and its can be unnerving to meet in person again.
How do i? Thc
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (9 September 2014):
She does seem to have a lot on her plate, so if I were you I would let her know that you can postpone meeting up with her till a later date and see how she handles that.
She might feel conflicted about meeting you, it is really hard to say. Personally, if it was someone I really wanted to met I'd make the time. Though IF I had a friend staying at the SAME time as the meetup.. I might rather postpone meeting up.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2014): Maybe the timing is bad for her. Her friends may have come unexpectedly, exams were possibly stressing her; and if she is entertaining friends and studying, she may be a bit pressed for time. You sort of jumped at her and just said; here I come. You didn't really offer her the option or the opportunity to check her schedule before you sprung it on her. Remember she said the time was a little conflicting?
Things do come up; and she may just be using the time she has to get things in order in anticipation of your arrival. She did say she would like you to come; perhaps not as soon as you sprung it on her. Yes, she may be a little flaky and a little scared too. You are actually coming, and she was probably hoping you were making plans off into the future. Maybe not so soon. Possibly she was a little skeptical that you really would.
Give her the benefit of the doubt. Read your post, and look at the details you pointed out about her schedule. If that seems feasible, just give her a call and ask it everything is okay. Always give a person the option to bow out. She may be a little embarrassed if she hasn't had the time to prepare for you.
...............................
A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (9 September 2014):
 Or, maybe she regrets telling you whatever it was she told you that she's never told anyone. that subject may be taboo and she wishes she had never shared it. I guess it depends on what it was. Just meet up and ask her. Flakey? that's a bit harsh, wouldn't you say?
...............................
|
