A
male
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Sorry for this boring question. First of all I'm not looking for sympathy, I just am tired of being emotional. I know people will say it's because I'm going through puberty or something but it is nothing to do with that at all. Basically I am tired of being the emotional one. The last relationship I had I was cheated on and I know people will say you are young so it's not important and you didnt love her or whatever but I did. We were together for almost two years and she helped me a lot. I couldn't think of a better person to spend my life with. Then I found on she had sex with another guy. I was destroyed I tried so hard to ignore It but I couldn't do that to myself. I became depressed and I really hated myself. My self worth went straight down the drain. After a long time of being depressed I bucked up the courage to speak to women again. I have finally found someone to talk to but I'm the emotional one, I'm tired of feeling so much emotion. I can't have sex with a girl and get rid of her. I know that's what most people my age is looking for but that isn't what I want. I want a girlfriend who cares and shows me that she cares. But I feel like I push girls away because I'm the emotional one. I feel so emasculated because of it. But I can't help it.So the question I'm really asking is, how can I change myself to not care? And should I change ?Thank you in advance,S
View related questions:
depressed, sex with another Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (5 September 2014):
 You should live your life fully. Feel joy totally and pain totally. The thing you can change about yourself is how to regulate it so that you can still function normal daily life. Having panic attacks is not fun at all. There is a saying that a man's purpose is to make sure a woman feels safe and a woman's purpose is to bring a man back to the source, implying a lot of them have been cut off from source in the quest of being masculine. Having emotions is not the same as being weak. The key is to find out how to respond to those emotions and how to make sense of it. If you are brave enough to look at unpleasant emotions head on and be aware of it, you float and you transcend but if you become afraid of it, you sink and drown. You can feel emotions and still be very tough. It is not a quality that cancels out maleness but rather makes you whole and human.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2014): I don't have an account but I am the OP.Thanks guys, I know this isn't the end but all you ever hear about is how guys are always the horrible ones in relationships. But it's not the case. I hate how widely acceptable cheating is. You see it everywhere as an everyday occurrence. I feel just more mature relationship wise then people my age because all they want to do is get drunk and have sex. I'd rather spend a night in with someone that makes me happy. I just don't understand.I'm not a shallow person I just want someone who will love me and not hurt me :(. I know I sound pathetic but I just don't feel like I want to trust anyone. Which is why I will never forgive my ex. I want her to apologise to any future girlfriend because she's the reason I'm always going to be that more weary. Even when I don't want to be. Again, You guys are amazing,S
...............................
A
female
reader, mystiquek  +, writes (5 September 2014):
 Oh sweetie...don't change. The world needs more people like you. I am much older than you but I truly understand what you are feeling. I too am a very emotional, sensitive and giving person. I have been hurt so very much in life by people that supposedly loved me and cared about me (family included). It hurts so much to love and not receive back what we give...BUT..you have to stay strong and know that there is someone out there waiting for you, looking for you, and DESERVING of you. Please don't think that all young ladies/women are bad and cheat. We don't. There's always a bad apple that will try and ruin the whole bunch, but remember that's the apple that you throw out!
Stay true to who you are. Yes, I have been hurt as I told you, but I also have been lucky enough to have been in truly wonderful relationships with men who truly loved me, cared about me, and put me first. Those are very sweet and happy memories and they made up for the bad times. I'm with someone now who cherishes me. Please don't give up. It may take a little time and a little weeding out..but there are nice young women out there..I promise. Don't turn into a bad guy because the girl was bad ok? You hang in there!
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2014): Young man, you'd be a trillionaire selling clones of yourself. You're what many women and girls are looking for, but they aren't worthy; until they know how to treat someone like you. They go for the bad-boys, the sexy ones with all the hot looks; and who treats them like sh*t.
They think that makes them desirable; and foolishly think they have the power to tame the beast in a jerk. Good news! They fail miserably at it, and learn the error of their ways. Some don't learn until they're beaten down bitter old bags. By that time, no one really wants them. That's their karma. Just like the guys who think they're so hot and god's-gift. They end-up lonely dried-up old farts; with nothing but a hand to keep them company on cold nights. Their past catches up with them. All the money and success in the world won't make them happy. They'll find someone and fall for her; and she'll take him down. That's his karma. That's because everybody needs love, no matter how tough they think they are.
You're supposed to be emotional and feel pain when someone has hurt you deeply, and has betrayed your trust. You can hide it, but the pain and emotion will still be there beneath the fake exterior.
There is nothing wrong with expressing your pain, nor showing women how you really feel. Just knowing when to tone it down, and knowing how much is too much. Going overboard just makes you a drama-queen. That is unmanly, and it's not even an attractive trait in women. Falling apart every-time your heart is broken, only means your shell is too soft. It will either thicken as you grow wiser, or keep cracks in it; because you've given-up and have little faith in yourself. Those cracks come from being jaded. Being pessimistic and cynical. Behaving as if life owes you something. There are too many people like that.
You also have to be sure that you pair yourself with someone receptive and understanding of the type of person you are. If you're 18 or older, you're well-past your puberty, but have a way to go to meet full manhood. So your inexperience leaves you somewhat vulnerable.
You have few battle-scars to toughen your skin. So every emotional obstacle hits you pretty hard. Learn to keep those good human qualities that make you caring, tender, and loving. Learn to guard and protect your feelings from people (both genders) out to tear them apart; or who will exploit you for them. Ignore those who make fun of you.
They envy your strength, and feel uncomfortable; because you make them look into themselves and see something lacking.
Lots of women pretend they want a man who is sensitive and compassionate. Who is affectionate and loving. Not all of them know how to deal with it when they get it. That's because "they aren't." They are over-entitled, conceited, poor examples of their gender; who set high standards of what they want and think they should have; but fail to meet them. They demean masculinity and blame all men for what they've suffered. That's their problem. Not ours. Good strong women and girls don't behave this way. They're precious jewels, and not easy to find. As most things of great value, not easy to get. That's why you have to be at your best when you find one. You are now being prepared.
You're supposed to meet and be with the bad girls. They have a purpose. They are not just causing destruction and breaking hearts. They are learning and teaching at the same time. You have to know who to avoid; and how to snap-back from their punishment. They are making you a man. No matter what your sexual-orientation. Women are necessary to form who we are. There is no survival without them. Good or bad.
So they are sent to prepare you. It's part of your learning process as you progress and develop into manhood. You will not always be as oversensitive. You will become tougher as you gain more self-confidence; and realize how to focus emotions. Who to open and offer your feelings to.
You have to learn how not to treat people; by knowing what it feels like to be mistreated. You have to learn to open up your feelings and share them. They may not deserve them or treat you right for it, but you've taught them that not all guys are alike. That we do feel, and as they continue down their path of destruction; they will look back and feel terrible how they treated you, and how stupid they were. What goes around, comes around.
You will change without trying. Maturity and experience will shape you; but your personality and character already have very good qualities that will bring you great rewards in the future. You need a few knocks and heartbreaks to prepare you for life. Life isn't always kind and forgiving.
You don't always get back what you give; and there are good people and bad people. If you're defeated too easily, you will not survive. Being in-touch with your feelings is a strength, not a weakness. Knowing when and how to use them makes you even stronger as a man, and a better human being.
I wish you much good luck. You must be strong. The pain subsides with time, and you will heal. Stronger than before. You are speaking from a bad place right now.
It is only temporary. You will literally outgrow it!
...............................
A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (5 September 2014):
 There are Two Rules in Life; 1. Never ever sweat the small stuff, and 2. It's all small stuff! See there all beter now?
...............................
|
