A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Dear reader,I have been with my girlfriend for nearly two years. She is 19, I am 22 and I am finding it hard to cope with her family.When I met her my gf did not want me to visit her house or family. This was due to her mum smoking cannabis and drinking daily. The house was a complete mess, bathroom sink filled up with 20 bottles of empty shower gel and a few beers cans.I did visit once and found it awful but I knew what it would be like, and have no issue with my gf being poor. She never ever asked or used my money. She is one amazing girlfriend.The council offered the family (total 5 kids) a new house earlier this year and I offered to help the move. The new house was much better and cleaner. I started staying at my girlfriends mostly in her room and got woken up everyday by her mum shouting so loud everyone in the street could hear. Long story short is, her family life is affecting our relationship. Her mum received a lot of benefits, yet the weekly shop costs her £30 for five kids!!!!! Rest goes on smoking and drinking.Me and my girlfriend has an argument today because it is the 3rd day of my stay and there is still no washing up liquid, dishes haven't been washed for a week. My girlfriend got shouted at for not using bleach or soap powder by her mum and than she sulks.Why would someone not feed thier kids properly and spend it on herself?Everything is soooo wrong in this house and it's put me off the relationship. I have tried to talk to my gf, but she is short tempered and argued just like her mother. I am good with staying calm and showing her a solution through love but she doesn't have much patience. Because of negative upbringing my gf does not want to study or get proper job and is always negative. After a year of trying she is still the same.I am not telling her what to do, but I am telling her she could help her mother. But constant abuse has hard wires her brain and she doesn't feel like there is any point because her mum will not give a shit if the dishes were clean but there was no alcohol.I personally only stay because my gf begs me. I eat out nearly three times a day, I try to avoid the house only to sleep. Just so my gf is happy. This was the final straw for me.....My gf mum has a friend who is due to be sentenced for sleeping with 15yr old boy. she also comes over to smoke and drink (gf mum pays for it) and she brings her bf (looks like homeless street begged)She paid for her friend to go court (possibly because her friends bf will supply her with weed) , after whole day away, me and gf were home for kids to come home from school . They didn't have anything to eat, I gave them a few quid each to go shops to buy food. 7pm thier mum rolls in the house, angry, shouting, fuming. I told my gf I am going out because I can't listen to kids being shouted at. So we went out, she asked her mum how she is and reply was 'FINE!'Turns out she was extra moody because her friends boyfriend didn't even give her any cannabis as we expected and she wasted the whole day for nothing. We came back few hours later and she was still extremely angry. We are all used to it, kids are so used to it they smile and carry on playing but for me, I can't take it.My mum and dad have always shouted at me when I done wrong, I even taken beats, but nothing I regret now as they did it to show me right and wrong. They were never strict but I always knew I did something wrong to upset them.I feel sorry for these kids who never do anything wrong.Sometimes my gf gets fed up too and says it's hard to bring up so many kids.I am sorry but she has an income so high I could be rich of it. Upto £500 per week is amazing. I live off £50 a week and still have better standards.I always thought I am being selfish and disrespectful but I realised maybe I have been blind?For sake of my love for gf I kept quiet. Because it's her family, I don't want to make her feel small. What would you lot do ? Be patient? I could really talk to someone , two years I been alone in this. I don't tell my parents or friends about the details because It's not as easy as moving on. I will break her heart.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (9 September 2014):
 I'd call child protective services and leave an anon message.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2014): I'm sorry but you have no right to sleep under their roof and tell them how to live.
She sounds like an awful mother but you have no right to judge her under her own roof. Call child protection services and don't spend another night there.
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