A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:why is it easier texting and communicating via social media/email etc than talking face to face with some people? could be anyone someone you have recently met, or someone you already know.things are awkward face to face, or their maybe silences.. you talk and then you run out of things to saydoes this mean you don't "click" or connect with them..? you are more an acquaintance than a friend?why does the conversation fall flat? I dont want to be a person like that.WHY does it happen?? yes its easier but why? and how can I make it not happen.Im quieter and at times self conscious, but like conversation and I do know how to talk to people, Im not socially inept!I have read this can happen to anyone regardless of age or personality.please help..!!
View related questions:
text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2014): I guess you have a chip on your shoulder about something or other. You are afraid of saying the "wrong" thing. You think too much about what you are going to say for fear of the other person's reaction. So you arrange your thoughts and plan your sentences. Perhaps it is coming off as contrived and it is creating a disconnect with your social interactions with others.
Try to be more spontaneous. Even if it is hard and you are scared. Kind of like jumping into a cold lake. Just take the chance and do it. Stop hiding behind a fake persona. Be yourself. To hell with whoever doesn't like you. It'll take a huge weight off your shoulders.
A
female
reader, Intrigued3000  +, writes (8 September 2014):
 I don't think this is a new problem. I think of texting as modern day letter writing. People wrote long, luxurious letters in the past, before telephones existed. The letters would be full of ardent expressions and beautiful descriptions, but I'm sure when they met in person, the awkwardness of conversing with one another would be the same as now, except when wine was involved:) Texting is just a quicker form of writing a letter.
Also with some people you connect with more than others, so conversation flows easier.
I've found that good conversations require a certain level of vulnerability, where you are willing to open up and share something personal. Most times this makes the other person want to reciprocate, and before you know it, you are having a meaningful conversation. I find that superficial conversation almost always tend to go flat after a while, but when you delve a little deeper, there is sustained interest and a great connection can develop out of this.
...............................
A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (8 September 2014):
 oops, I made a poor assumption that you were much younger than me. You are listed as in my age group.
OK so an honest answer to your question. The main difference between texting and face to face talking is that in face to face talking you can't do what I just did. Go back and edit your words before you hit send. I can pause for 5 minutes between sentences and you won't know. The ability to edit covers many of the common social mistakes.
Now that you understand that you can see where the danger lies. I can also go back and edit out poor grammar, spelling, bad breath, or anything else I think might offend you.
In short you find texting easier because it is one dimensional where as a dinner conversation id 4 dimensional.
FA
...............................
A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (8 September 2014):
 Eye to eye(or even voice to voice) communication requires an itensity of the human spirit and a more realistic expectaton of truth than texting. With text communication one may take time to compose thoughts and bend the words to reflect seemingly true emotions when being parsed with sarcasim or even lies. It is so much easier to fool someone with words on a screen than to have body languge or vocal variences that give away other meanings. This gobly-gook, semi-official sounding explanation could never have been transmitted in a face to face situation lest I burtst into laughter. however, there is some truth to it. Why else would FB be so well used as a mode of communication? Need to keep it real so talk to those you care about and text those who are to remain nameless.
...............................
A
male
reader, Mark1978  +, writes (8 September 2014):
 Hello!
Think about the way people reply to posts on this site. I read a question I feel I can give a good answer too and avoid those I feel are neither within my experience or doesn't appeal to my kinky side. In order to ensure maximum humour, clarity, emotion or whatever I am trying to convey in my words, I can write and rewrite my response before clicking on "add your answer".
In an email I can take my time to find a from of words that is in keeping with the persona that others have come to associate with Mark1978 here on Dear Cupid...
Charismatic, intelligent, witty, concise, experienced, articulate, with a flair for language and a sprinkling of human decency, all organised neatly within a likeable and charming package of debonairness. These arnt my words, these are just a small selection of action verbs picked from random praise, feedback, metaphorical back pats (no sexual harressment please) and general niceness that other users have put my way over the last hour or two. If i'm not selling my emails skills to you then i'm obviously just too modest.
YET If one of you were to stop me in the toilet or while jumping out of an aircraft and ask me a personal question about love, commitment, contraception, long distance relationships or fisting, I would probably stumble over a cack handed reply in my awful Birmingham accent. That's not Birmingham Alabama folks, that's Birmingham here in the UK where people speak with the flattest of vowels, think "home" is pronounced "om" and hammer is pronounced "hommer". My ability to think fast in face to face social interaction is poor, my confidence at talking clearly and without mumbling limited and I do get greasy skin that makes me evade eye contact. Oh and I do get easily distracted and in conversation do have a habit of repeat myself. I also have a Birmingham accent.
YET despite my lack of confidence and wit face to face, my horrid Nigel Mansell accent and breakdown of brain/mouth co-ordination when speaking, in texts or emails I can be smooth, clear and clever.
As I write these words I have all the time I want to think about what to write, I can look up great words in my Ladybird Book Of Great Words and can try out a variety of expressions until I find those required to make someone loose control of their bladders or cry with genuine emotion. Its like rewording a film script. Not that there's much script in the films I watch of course.
People read my carefully crafted, well written and down right ruddy hilarious replies and think "By Jove he has done it again! He should be on stage!" Or they say "mark thank you so much for taking away my grief, sorrow and anger at the fact I will never see another new episode of Friends" Well face to face I don't have that time to look up fancy words, would have to find a very rapid reply to a question and cannot undo a mistake or avoid questions I don't like the sound of. Neither can I muse over whether something I am saying is going to be funny or not.
I used to find it easier to email someone at work than ring as I had a problem feeling insecure that I would be disturbing the person by calling them at a bad time or something. Whereas emails can be read/replied to at leisure. I also found, and to some extent still do find, ringing someone difficult. I would get flustered and hated asking someone to repeat themselves if it was a bad line or an accent that was difficult to understand. The latter is usually when ringing up about car insurance and end up being put through to a call centre in Um Al Quain.
I can flirt with the best of them in a text or email, bet your wearing a smashing blouse by the way, and can really be quite naughty or dirty! (When I say naughty or dirty I mean making sexual suggestions and getting excited, not picking my nose or not washing my hands after using the toilet) BUT face to face my attempts at flirting are dire. In a text or email if you get a bad response you can delete their number and escape. In a face to face situation on an oil rig or spacecraft you have no where to go. Your stuck with that embarrassment. If you are reading this red with rage and hating my reply and say as much in an email its not a big deal, if you were in the room with me know I would be thinking A: Why are you in this cupboard and B: oh crumbs what do I say now ive made a right tit of myself?
A randy text may end up having a snotty response, but its easier to take in written form than having the red faced, screeching person through a glass of Blue Nun over your head and create a scene.
I do think it is becoming a lost art to actually talk to someone well face to face. These days its all text speak, lol's and street talk man init. Safe. I saw a poster on a bus recently that said "R U PREGNANT (HAVING A BABY?) for support call this number....." for goodness sake!!
Honeypie is write - with so much reliance on digital media there is now a big barrier between us and the outside world. We have that force field of bullshit that means when we hear from Dean such and such from school 20 odd years ago they tell us they have their dream job, perfect wife, sportscar and Saville row suit. We chat online when happy and put "busy" as our status when we are fed up, depressed, pissed off or generally irritable all over.
Anyway that's enough from me as its now 00:12 and passed my bed time - night folks.
Mark
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (7 September 2014):
 Because most people don't really consider the fact that the person at the other end is another human being. You don't HAVE to pay attention to anything but the written word and how YOU interpret it, where as in person you are also aware of the person's body, his/her body language, tone of voice, your surroundings, other people around you (if in public) and your own safety.
On text/e-mail you ar NOT having to worry about the potential threat from the other person. So you can be "open" even if you don;t know him. This is honestly the biggest danger that people don't consider. This is how people end up sharing things they really shouldn't share with a stranger ( now this mainly goes for the younger (teen) generation) but it's still a false sense of security.
On text you PRESUME a person is being honest and telling the truth, because that is what we HOPE to hear/see. You can't "see" a lie on text when you don't know the person, you can at times, see if a person (in person) is lying.
I agree that EVERYONE should practise their social skills, whether they are 14 or 84. That means INTERACT with people in person. Whether it be the cashier, the neighbor or a total stranger.
Having pauses in a conversation I think is natural. It means you are taking IN what is being said (both spoken and unspoken).
I think people who rely on having relationships/friendship on text mainly are missing out on 90% of the other person's nuances.
...............................
A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan +, writes (7 September 2014):
It’s easier to talk using various forms of messaging services because you don’t necessarily see all of the person’s reaction, and because it doesn’t have to seem to flow in the same way as real-time conversation. You can write some-one something, they can think of what to say, read it over, then press a button when their content is perfectly crafted as they wish. You might be at the other end assuming they’re looking at something else, having a cup of tea, or whatever, whilst waiting for the reply. Real interpersonal interaction is more spontaneous, and it’s not as easy to control. The dynamics are more complicated: you’re reading tone, body language, expressions, all kinds of things. It’s also why people find emails and texts easier than phone calls. The truth is that messaging services are a very different thing to social interaction between people who see and hear each other. Don’t worry, therefore, that you find social networks and messaging easier, because frankly I think most of us do. And they have their rightful place in modern communication. Instead, don’t exclusively rely on them and make sure you practice good conversation in face-face settings and via phone to grow in confidence and skill. Like anything it takes practice.
I wish you all the very best.
...............................
|
