A
female
age
30-35,
*herlockian90
writes:I was wondering if anyone could give me an outside perspective of my puzzling situation. I'm 24yrs old and have what I assume to be a friends with benefits with a guy 16yrs my senior. We started hanging out 2months ago.we clicked instantly and it wasn't long before the tension was broken. He told me he wasn't ready for a relationship at the moment and I'm fine with that. I've set myself an expiration date for us of it doesn't move past fwb. But what's confusing me is that he likes to have me around constantly even if there's no sex involved. I've probably spent 6 out of the last 8 weeks living at his place. Sorry for the long rant but my question is this. He's been blowing hot and cold lately. One minute he can't get enough of my attention and the next he's being a bit distant. I'm not sure if he's withdrawing because he's developing further feelings or if we're just getting stale.
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male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (6 September 2014):
 Oh,oh...doesn't sound like he's gonna make permanent plans for you. Sorry to say this but FWBs are 'newspeak' for booty call. He gets all the benifits, you get all the heartach.
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (6 September 2014):
 Even when men who are in serious relationships blow hot and cold. They say that men need to recharge then bounce back like a rubber band. Of course some never do, because they are more considerate. He can have feelings for you, move you in and still not think a relationship is a good idea. The obvious reason being that he is 16 years older than you. Your relationship started as FWB, so he will have trust issues that you will run off as his sexual ability does not match up to the younger guys. FWBs can last for days or even years. You are considered a prize for him, so I don't think a 2 month brief relationship can run stale so quickly. He would not have move you in thinking that it gets boring after 2 months. Don't think of the live in situation as a commitment but rather a convenience for him to see you whenever he wants, also to stop you from looking at other guys. If it's getting stale, it's more likely it's from your side he's afraid. A relationship is more than liking a person and wanting them around. He probably thinks you want to get married and kids one day and he doesn't want the same. But you are so sweet to him he can't let you go either. You have to figure out what you want and if you are okay with this arrangement indefinitely. You have more power than you think. If an old man is looking for an age gap relationship one reason is that the liaison would not turn serious since there is an incompatibility issue at first. Commitment phobes always look for things that would naturally stop a relationship from growing further and in this case, the age. He's expecting you to let him go at any time because he doesn't want to waste your time. If this is the case the honourable thing for him to do is to be honest and not bullshit about saying he loves you. I know people are going to tell you never hope to change an FWB into a boyfriend but you never minded at first. Maybe you are developing feelings too. Sometimes people confuse us so it is important to think with a clear mind.
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