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... Send *amaBear a private message | | | *amaBear's profile:For starters, I have a Masters degree in Community Counseling - although I have never been in this capacity as a paid professional. I think that my main objective in answering the questions, is that I have a lot of life experiences and feel that I can bring some honest answers to the concerns. I was divorced young, left with four children to raise as a single parent, had to go to school to learn a profession to keep me off the welfare rolls, found it necessary to move to a new town to "start over" upon the completion of my training, and have been successful in raising my children to adulthood, and have enjoyed most days of my long life. I live in the Midwestern United States. In 2009, my former husband died and now, I'm told, that I am a widow. I have not let a broken marriage, nor a man who did not want me or his family, stop me from becoming a very successful woman! But it did not happen over night. |
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My girlfriend wont attend any occasions that my second ex will be at! What can I do?
Q. I have a girlfriend of 1.5 yrs now. I also have a couple of ex's and three kids. Two from my first and one from my second. The kids from my second wife are friends and are close. The kids have known her for a long time. I am friends with my second ...
A. 25 June 2011: At your age in life and with all the single and unattached women around near your age, I suggest you look for a new and more reasonable girlfriend! This is your Past and surely she knew about this before you two got so cozy. Your children and the ... (read in full...)
My BF doesn't want to go for my niece's christening and doesn't want me to go either. If I do, he would break up with me. What should I do?
Q. What would you do if you were me? Hello. Some advice please. I come from a very close family and we are not religious at all. My sister however has decided to get my niece christened. When my boyfriend found out about this he was totally against ...
A. 25 June 2011: Grab your coat and hat and go to the church for the Christening. Leave the bf in the dust. You do not need this guy. Your family is very important over the course of a lifetime. Be grateful you have a close family. And, my suggestion is to find ... (read in full...)
How can I rebuild my trust with her after I know she's cheated on me?
Q. Ok so I confronted my girlfriend about everything she's been doing and all her lies. She told me everything. She spilled her guts and now I know everything. I have a new issue that I would like help with..How can I rebuild my trust with her after I ...
A. 14 June 2011: Obviously, you enjoy being hurt by the one you profess "love" for. Look around you and find another girl who will be true to you. It hurts to be betrayed as you well know. You DO NOT need this. Look for someone who is affectionate and reciprocal ... (read in full...)
Can a 20 year age difference really make him feel that insecure?
Q. I have had a friend for over 8 years now. There has always been an attraction between us we have never acted on it. We never really discussed age etc it was never an issue. I knew he was older than me (he is a young looking active attractive man)but ...
A. 10 June 2011: As I read your letter, it was as though you were trying to convince yourself that this guy was "the One" for you but older. You say he is a friend of 8 years and you have not acted on your attraction for each other. Something is amiss here in my ... (read in full...)
Did I do something wrong? Why is she acting this way?
Q. So on a Saturday night we went to the movies, and we ate pop corn together, bought a couple of drinks, she held my hand and laughed at my jokes and finally we kissed. But we have no relationship yet. On getting home she SMS me that she had a fun ...
A. 10 June 2011: There are lot of other fish in the sea. My suggestion is to move on. This girl says one thing and does another. Is this what you want in a relationship? It's pretty clear she is not interested! Sorry!... (read in full...)
I just found out he married me so he'd have a caregiver in his old age
Q. I just need some advice. I am married to my husband who is almost 28 years older than me. Dont think other things, i do love my husband very much. We dont have child, but i do 2 from the first relationship and he got one from his first marriage. We ...
A. 10 June 2011: You have one of two choices - to stay with your husband knowing what you do or to go while you are still young! Your husband must have some feelings for you to hang around for over 10 years - maybe just not on the same level as you. But, heed the ... (read in full...)
He broke up with me because I have an autistic son, even though he knew about this 2 years ago when we met!
Q. My boyfriend just broke up with me after a two year relationship. We both loved and cared about each other very much. He is 56 and I am 49. We both have been divorced for 10 years and he has a few grown kids still at home (3 that are out of ...
A. 10 June 2011: Oh my, what a change of thinking on his part. Be glad that this came out before any more time has passed. Yes, a special needs child needs time, attention and love. If this guy cannot be a part of this, you have to give him credit for saying so! ... (read in full...)
Should I be with this guy or not?
Q. Hi, I'm in a long distance relationship since 4.5 yrs.. My bf is nice and caring but he doesnt put in the extra effort that is required in a long distance relationship. Initially i used to send him hand-made cards or few other personalised stuffs.. ...
A. 27 May 2011: It doesn't sound like you have that much going on in your life with this long-distance bf - nor even a very serious relationship after 4.5 years. My suggestion is to make yourself available and find someone closer to your hometown. Surely, one of ... (read in full...)
My old lover has come back and asked me to be with him forever, should I take him back?
Q. dear friend, i have to talk to you for an advice, after 2 years brek up of my lover , he returned to me and asked me to be with him foreer, but before this i am going to tell you this short story what happend in the past, he met me at my school ...
A. 27 May 2011: Jeta: there are several questions that need answering before you should even consider a future with this guy. First, you mention he got married - so is he divorced and free to be involved with you? Next, children. Do you have children? Would ... (read in full...)
Why did my youth leader reveal this in front of everyone?
Q. Why did he have to do that? I feel so bad.:(? ? ? Last week I went to a prayer meeting with the youth at my church and when we were praying the youth leader said the Lord revealed to him that I've done something physical and the Lord has giv...
A. 15 May 2011: My suggestion is to change to another youth group and/or another church. How cruel of the youth leader to single you out in front of the group - and worse yet, to later say he could not remember what the Lord told him. This is hooey! You are old ... (read in full...)
Does my partner have commitment issues? Should I just bide my time and see what happens?
Q. Hey all, I need some advice...I've been with my partner now for just over a year, everything is amazing, great, etc etc...we have a long distance relationship - we live 50 miles apart. I have to do all the driving all the time to see my partner ...
A. 9 May 2011: Whoa! you are a grown woman with a child, an ex you are living with in the same house, and a guy also in the picture but 50 miles away. It sounds like you need to be on your own for a time. Get a job, rent your own space, get on with your life. ... (read in full...)
He seems to be hiding something.........
Q. My boyfriend and I have been dating for 4 years now and for about the last year hes been very secretive about his phone. He never used to care if I messed around with his phone but now all of a sudden he does. I have questioned him about it a few ...
A. 9 May 2011: Why is it necessary for a young woman to know who and when her supposed bf has been called? I'd move on to a guy who's "not married" to his phone. Simple as that! But learn a lesson from his behavior to let a guy have some privacy if it's only ... (read in full...)
Should I tell my teacher the truth or continue a painful lie?
Q. for the past year i have had really strong feelings for my old teacher it started off as a stupid crush but its grown and it feels like love, i have told him my life stories like my personal family life and he knows i am in love and he has been very ...
A. 9 May 2011: Obviously, you only care that this teacher knows how you feel. Judging from some of your poor English, i suggest you put your energy into getting smarter - so when you get to college you will do well! I am not going to give any suggestions about ... (read in full...)
He treats me horridly and then blames me for his behaviors!!
Q. What is wrong with him. I am a 36 yr old woman, my partner is 42. we have 2 children 3 and 6 yrs. We dont currently live together as we had broken up some months before. We were recently getting along better and had started to become a family again. ...
A. 7 May 2011: What is wrong with this man? What is wrong with you to stay in this bad relationship? You have two children and they do not need to witness violence between their parents. I'd think the stint in prison would have gotten him to think a bit ... (read in full...)
My husband is back in contact with the woman he cheated with...5 years ago! Any advice?
Q. My husband cheated on me 5 years ago and the woman he cheated with fell pregnant. He broke it off with her after I found out and forgave him after being seperated for 6 months. Now 5 years later I discovered that he was in contact with a woman ...
A. 7 May 2011: Obviously, this guy cheats! His word is not good! And, I suggest you seek a professional marriage counselor to help you sort this all out - that is, if you want the marriage to continue.... (read in full...)
My boy friend sometimes just walks off and leaves me alone in a bar. no explanation. what do you think I should do about it?
Q. I dont know whether to stay with my boyfriend or not. Sometimes, when he gets in a mood, and we have been out in a bar, he has left me on my own at the bar. It's happened a couple of times. The first time it happened, he left but then came back a ...
A. 4 May 2011: Time for you to walk away from this guy. He sounds inconsiderate, moody, and non-caring! Do you need this? If so, it does not sound like much fun!... (read in full...)
He's gone most of the time, I'm ready to leave. Thoughts??
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for 12 years now, during that time we broke up 3 times cause he had cheated on me, and yet i still took him back cause i love him or so i think i do. Im 31 years old now and we have one child together and another one on ...
A. 4 May 2011: Sounds like you have a 16-year-old on your hands! Now, you have another child due in a few months. You will certainly need more help than you are presently getting from your boyfriend. This will be a tough decision for you to make regarding your ... (read in full...)
I understand that the ex will be in his life, but isn't this going too far?
Q. i love my boyfriend so much and we have split in the past and i hated it, all i did was cry but i think hes cheating on me. he has a baby with a pervious realtionship and i do understand his ex will always going to be in his life, but recent...
A. 3 May 2011: Why put your heart and hopes into this relationship? This young man has a child, and I wonder if he is paying support through the court to support the baby. If not, he should be. Please seriously consider what the future will be for you and he ... (read in full...)
I'm not ready for a child, but I don't want to regret my decision.
Q. Hi aunts and uncles I need some advice. I am 20 years old and just found out I'm pregnant and would really appreciate advice hopefully from people who have had or know of similiar experinces. I have a job that pays very well I make over $1100...
A. 2 May 2011: My sister got pregnant at a young and unmarried age. She chose to have the baby and give him up for adoption. That would be a better choice than abortion, if you are having doubts. Good luck!... (read in full...)
I love my therapist and she's helped me so much, but my wife is jealous
Q. Hi. Hope I can clarify my feeling. I have been in therapy with a lovely women therapist who I had almost immediate connection. I was very vulnerable and so taken by her honesty and style and her insights. My marriage has always been pretty ...
A. 28 April 2011: I was of the belief that what goes on in a therapy session, stays there! So, how is your wife finding out all the info - unless you tell her. Maybe you two should go to a couple counselor and work on issues first Then, you can delve into som... (read in full...)
Should I really consider having a fling with an unhappily-married woman?
Q. I am having a real struggle with my conscience and really need some advice. I have been single for over a year after a break up of a 10-yr relationship. I have found dating hard because I don't want kids. Anyway, last weekend, I met someone who ...
A. 28 April 2011: Your third sentence should be the wake up call you need, re: a fling with this woman. Reread your letter where it says you do not want kids. If down the line she's free and you two get together, what does she do with her kids - will you want the... (read in full...)
How do you break the ice with a hesistant man?
Q. I met a man through my previous job.(He was my ex-boss). A strong attraction built up between us but neither or us took it further or even verbally said how we felt about each other. He was the biggest flirt and did all with his body language and ...
A. 28 April 2011: You mentioned that the guy is your ex-boss and you asked him to be a professional reference for finding a job. This favor he has obliged you. Now, move on to your new job and enjoy your life. Life is too short to try to flirt and get something ... (read in full...)
My mother in law is so controlling...am I being unreasonable?
Q. im married traditionally, my husbnd doesnt work. i live with him and his mom. his mom is so bossy that she controls him more than anyone. he is now so dependent on her that he cant find a job. how do i get him to trust me more than he trusts her....
A. 28 April 2011: Surely you knew this woman was somewhat bossy prior to your marriage, didn't you? I do not know how you can expect to have your husband trust you more than his mother, as she has been in the picture a very long time. What do you contribute to ... (read in full...)
I feel like my parents are taking over my life sometimes
Q. My parents are driving me crazy!!! They hardly ever even let me out of the house and if they finally say yes then they're nosy about it. I know theyre my parents and they just love and care about me but it's starting to get old. I never get to hang ...
A. 28 April 2011: Well, you do have to abide by their "rules" as long as you are under their roof! I'm certain they have your best interests at heart. Are you getting good grades at school? Do you participate in extra curricular activities? Do you have girl frie... (read in full...)
The dating has been going well, but no intimacy?
Q. I have been dating a guy for two months. He is 41, twice married and has five children. We see each other about 3 times a week and everything is going well with one exception...no physical intimacy! I have asked him about this and he has reassu...
A. 28 April 2011: What is the big rush with this guy? He cannot be any more clear than what you have told us, can he? He has 2 ex wives to contend with, and five children. Just spending time with his children takes up a lot of his free time. And, you have only ... (read in full...)
Been seeing him for three months -- is it normal to pine like this on the weekends?
Q. Hi ants how r u alll. Need some help here. Ive been seeing my boyfriend for 3months now and things are goin so well. He adores me and same goes for me. We work at the same company so during the week we see more of each other and still chat often. ...
A. 27 April 2011: Where is this bf on weekends? Have you asked him what he does? Could he be involved with another person, married, engaged and not available? If so, I'd move on and find someone else. To answer your question on how to do chores, etc. and keep ... (read in full...)
He doesn't want a relationship but I've fallen for him!
Q. Hi, ok, so I'll try keep this very brief. I'm 30, met a guy in a bar last month, his 27. Gorgeous, funny and yum. We get on great. However he doesn't do relationships and made it pretty clear... But we started seeing each other. Were both pretty ...
A. 27 April 2011: What part of "he's not into relationships" did you not understand? I would put my energy into finding a job, moving to grandmother's place, and then work to get some self-esteem back! Also, if you can fall for someone so quickly, I question how ... (read in full...)
He wont holiday with me through fear of upsetting his kids, is this weird? What do you think?
Q. hi it's me again...well this Easter holiday my lovely bf of almost 1 year has decided to spend this holiday without me...he says manipulatively 'well hon you have plans with your family.' (which i asked him to join as he always does)he also states ...
A. 26 April 2011: To Matureflowerx: Your feedback was excellent, truthful - and not too harsh. I said similar info. Now, if this gal just heeds our feedback I think she may enjoy her relationship with the guy. But, I think she needs to move on and find someone ... (read in full...)
He wont holiday with me through fear of upsetting his kids, is this weird? What do you think?
Q. hi it's me again...well this Easter holiday my lovely bf of almost 1 year has decided to spend this holiday without me...he says manipulatively 'well hon you have plans with your family.' (which i asked him to join as he always does)he also states ...
A. 26 April 2011: To Matureflowerx: Your feedback was excellent, truthful - and not too harsh. I said similar info. Now, if this gal just heeds our feedback I think she may enjoy her relationship with the guy. But, I think she needs to move on and find someone ... (read in full...)
Very stressful life with boyfriend and my special needs daughter! How do I deal with them?
Q. Hi I am having a time with my special needs daughter she is 18 and my boyfriend of 5 1/2 months first of all they both like one another and he does a lot for her and I now he is demanding a very very clean person and set in his ways, my daughter is ...
A. 26 April 2011: Are you certain you need a boyfriend in the picture until you get your problems with your daughter settled? Sounds pretty chaotic for all concerned. And I do not know where his twin sister comes into the picture. But, you owe your daughter a ... (read in full...)
I'm trying to hold the family together but wife is making it very difficult
Q. Hello, I am at a stuck point in my relationship and not sure how I should handle it, I am fighting to save my marraige and family but are being walked over and feel verbally abused. We are liveing in separate rooms and have a 4 month (her id...
A. 26 April 2011: It does not sound like you are going to win this tug of war! For your own mental health, move on to someplace you do not have the hassle 24/7. You mentioned kids - yours, hers, yours together? I do not think you will begin to make a dent in your ... (read in full...)
He wont holiday with me through fear of upsetting his kids, is this weird? What do you think?
Q. hi it's me again...well this Easter holiday my lovely bf of almost 1 year has decided to spend this holiday without me...he says manipulatively 'well hon you have plans with your family.' (which i asked him to join as he always does)he also states ...
A. 26 April 2011: You did not mention the ages of his children. But I admire him for wanting to be a part of their lives - some men are absent in their children's lives. The hand writing is on the wall, as I see it. If he is only separated from the mother, then he ... (read in full...)
Should I tell my cousin how I feel?
Q. Well I'm a 14 Year Old Kid Now (teenager) i have this cousin who i Have a HUGE Crush on since i was about 5 or something! yes that long. so anyway , i kinda flirt with him , we make eye contact often and we have broken the touch barrier , once...
A. 26 April 2011: Well, you said it loud & clear in your letter - " i really want to tell him how i feel , but i can't , because we're family and stuff." You can enjoy this cousin but hands off! You cannot marry in many cultures. So, my suggestion is to enjoy the ... (read in full...)
I have doubts about my boy friend. He hasn't told his other girl friend about me. I love him.
Q. i'm 20 years old . i need help, because my boy friend told me that he hasn't told the mother of his child about our relationship. He says if she found out about us she would expect him to pay child support to her. i think he still with the ...
A. 25 April 2011: Do you really want to be involved with a guy with a child in the picture? And, one who is not paying support to the mother of the child? I suggest you forget about him and find someone with out all this baggage.... (read in full...)
B/f says he loves me and then runs back to his spouse!
Q. I am in a gay relationship and love the guy I am dating. The problem is he tells me that he loves me and cares for me and wants to spend the rest of his life with he, then he runs back to his cheating ,thefting husband. I love him with all my heart ...
A. 25 April 2011: Heed what dirtball is telling you! Why hurt yourself any longer over a guy who is not available? Time to move on.... (read in full...)
I've got 2 girls and 3 problems
Q. So i am a freshman in high school and there are two girls i really like. One has been my friend since like 2nd grade. The other since 7th or 8th grade. I hang out with both, and text them both regularly. I have three problems with this. First ...
A. 25 April 2011: Put your energy into your studies and forgot about the two girls for now. Keep them as friends. ... (read in full...)
His daughter is ruining our relationship!
Q. I been in a relationship for 4 years he's 59 and I'm 41. I have no kids, he has 2 boys and one of his girls is 35 years old and the other 32. The one girl is a pain; she's married to an army guy and has a daughter. Her boyfriend pays her electric ...
A. 25 April 2011: You need to move on in your life. I'd be darn if I'd do all you do for this man and be so neglected. Daughter or not! Something is amiss and you should not waste another minute of your life on this family! What goes on in their family is none of ... (read in full...)
How should I respond to his need for space?
Q. I'm not sure what to do about my relationship. One of my boyfriend's friends told me that my boyfriend told him that he thinks the world of me, but he feels ashamed because he doesnt have much money. His hours were cut down at work recently. Things ...
A. 25 April 2011: Well, I think you sound pushy. When a person has work-related problems, this can be overwhelming, especially with less income. However, your boyfriend needs to learn to talk to you vs. his friend relaying info. Let him sort through his life and ... (read in full...)
How do I be confident doing a strip tease for my man?
Q. Okay, so I have offered to do a strip tease for my man, I know he's very attracted to me as we often talk about our intense chemistry howeve this does not seem to be comfort enough for me! I know I'm in good shape but the thought of dancing alone...
A. 23 April 2011: I suggest you wait on this until you feel more comfortable. You did not say how long you two have gone together. But, why is it necessary to strip when you are not comfortable? This is nuts! And, would he enjoy this?... (read in full...)
I think my boyfriend is shooting blanks
Q. Hey guys I need a little help... Me and my boyfriend have been trying for a baby for 3 months now and wev still not got pregnant Im 21 and already have 2 kids from a previous relationship and my boyfriends 30 and doesnt have any kids Iv been pr...
A. 20 April 2011: Maybe a wedding ring on your finer would help the matter! This is a bf, you said. Does he want to get married? There is no mention of this. I think with two chiodren already and trying for a 3rd, you and he should tie the knot. Kids like a ... (read in full...)
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