A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hey all,I need some advice...I've been with my partner now for just over a year, everything is amazing, great, etc etc...we have a long distance relationship - we live 50 miles apart. I have to do all the driving all the time to see my partner (see below)He has just moved in to his first home after living with his mum for all of his life. He is 30. I am a little older, I also have a 7 year old child.I recently suggested maybe moving in together as we are long-distance - the separation from him kills me, yet he says he's not ready to live with me. He didn't give any reasons, just said that it was a big change for him, which I understand, but I can't help feeling hurt that he doesn't want to share his space with me. He said it wasn't necessarily a permanent arrangement...but how long do I wait? Should I wait? I'm not getting any younger and I know that this is the man I want to be with, yet I wonder if he feels the same.Which leads me on to thinking that it will always be *his* space, his things, his house, his rules. Would I ever feel comfortable there?I'm currently stuck living with my ex right now as we cannot sell the house we live in, I have no family to move in with and I cannot afford to move on my own. I have to think of my son and what is best for him.Does my partner have commitment issues? Should I just bide my time and see what happens?Any help is appreciated
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long distance, move on, moved in, my ex Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 May 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI have no issue with being independent, I work hard and I always have so I am more than able to provide for myself...I am currently working part-time, however, I am trying to find a full-time a job in the town I want to be in - I've been trying for a year to do this! I am also taking qualifications to further my career.
I don't NEED a man to provide a roof over my head. What I was trying to say is that I know I have found the one I want to spend the rest of my life with, and where I'm not getting any younger, I guess I'm thinking sooner - rather than later.
A
female
reader, MamaBear  +, writes (9 May 2011):
Whoa! you are a grown woman with a child, an ex you are living with in the same house, and a guy also in the picture but 50 miles away. It sounds like you need to be on your own for a time. Get a job, rent your own space, get on with your life. Why are you so dependent on a guy to provide the roof over your head?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you so much for your response, that actually brought a tear to my eye! Very helpful indeed...It's good to see things from an outside perspective.
I haven't pressured him, I haven't said any more on the matter. I'm simply going to enjoy spending time with him.
I guess I just feel that I'm getting on a bit now and life is so short, I don't want to waste a moment with this wonderful man of mine.
All the best to you & thanks again:)
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A
female
reader, Dear Mandy +, writes (7 May 2011):
 HiI actually think your man is being sensible. He has just moved into his new house, his own house for the first time. I know after living with my parents and getting my first house, I didn't want to have any commitments for a while. I needed my own space, to truly find who I was. Remember living with your parents you had rules still, now he dont, he finally feels like a real man, and I feel he is being very mature about this, As you said he is not saying it will never happen, just not now. Also he is probably thinking of your child too. what if it didn't work out living together? you will have no home to go to, and your child will be very hurt in all this. I don't doubt the love this man has for you, in fact I think because he loves you so much, his taking things slowly to make sure its best for all of you. please don't be hard on him, and cherish these days, I think you will be very happy when it all goes right in the end. He just wants the best for you all, why rush something? If you pressure him into this, you may push him away. However you could suggest to him that maybe you could stay over at his every other weekend? that way you get to spend time together, and see how things go before rushing into to the deep end .I hope this has helped
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