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... Send *opeful a private message | | | *opeful's profile:Hi - I'm 23 and live in Australia. I'm single.
I enjoy reading everyone's posts and seeing if there is anything I can suggest which may help them.
I don't think I know all the answers but I think it is important to look at these problems from a lot of different angles to try and find the best solution.
Sometimes I think it is important to play Devil's advocate and really look at all the issues and all the options before making a final one.
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Why would he be telling me that he thinks his ex is "fit"?
Q. I'm scared I'm being too needy with my boyfriend but I feel he is trying to make me insecure. The other day he told me he thinks his ex girlfriend is 'fit' and I don't know what to think about that. He said he's not gonna think she's ugly as he went ...
A. 14 March 2006: I would simply tell him that you understand he has exes and you don't have a problem with that but you don't really like to hear about them. Tell him that it makes you feel a little bit uncomfortable and that you don't talk about your exes to him.
... (read in full...)
I'm sure he has really changed, he may just be waiting for the right moment
Q. I would like people's views on whether people can really change. My boyfriend of just over 6 months has had a really 'eventful' past and I'm scared he'll turn out to be just like he was then. He's slept with over 100 girls, including a pros...
A. 14 March 2006: My personal view on this is you need to consider if he is worth the risk?
I would look at it like this - Is he worth enough to you to take the risk that he may have not changed?
If you believe he has changed and is sorry for his past behavio... (read in full...)
My life is a mess and I'm starting to cut myself. I need help!
Q. Hey I'm 14 years old, and my life is a mess seriously. I dunno what to do. My brother is 19. He lives with us and he's on drugs. He does heroin and other drugs most days. My family argue and it's like started to get to me. I've started cutting ...
A. 14 March 2006: Anonymously puts up some really good suggestions. You need to talk to someone about this, I know that is a really hard decision to make, but you really do.
Cutting yourself is serious but there is help available. Local councils and other local go... (read in full...)
I've never been round his house, met his friends, or his family, and he won't tell me where he lives!
Q. I have been in a relationship with a guy for about 7 months. I have never been to his apartment. When we first started talking to each other, he told me that he had a bad experience with someone keying his car and was not ready to tell me where he ...
A. 14 March 2006: this is not right.
(a) it shows no trust in you or respect
(b) its making you suspicious and harming the relationship
(c) it is not fair that he is always at your place - just from a financial view - ie. water bill, grocceries etc
(d) it is j... (read in full...)
What should I say to her?
Q. I'm in 7th grade and there is a girl who I really like. I've never had a girlfriend before and want to ask her out. The only problem is, I don't know what to say when I ask her out. Do I just say "will you go out with me" or what? ...
A. 14 March 2006: As usual, Bev has said it well.
I would just try and keep it short, casual and confident.
Find out what she is interested in and ask her out around that "your football team is playing mine this weekend, would you like to come over to my place... (read in full...)
I really like this guy, but he's not calling me back!
Q. Okay well i really like this boy lets call him Fred. Freds gone on holiday but on friday I found out from one of his best mates that he fancies me. B4 he went on holiday I was speaking to him on an IM programme and he asked me out but I thought he ...
A. 14 March 2006: Leave it alone from now.
If he is on holiday perhaps he forgot his phone or forgot the charger or he is out of zone.
So my advice is chill out and forget about it. Keep yourself busy, if he calls great, if not, move on.
It is really ha... (read in full...)
We're supposed to be best friends..but I haven't spoken to her in weeks!
Q. Dear cupid, please help me. Im 16 and im best friends with a girl who is 15. I know this will sounds really stupid but i haven't talked to her at all for a few weeks now. I go to a different school than her so i don't see her there. Does this mean ...
A. 14 March 2006: True friends have the amazing ability to not see each other for ages and simply pick up where they left off!
I would just send her a text or an email, really casual and say "hi, long time, no see - let me know when you are free and we can catch a ... (read in full...)
So, now I've left school, I can get it on with my teacher, right? But how do I know if she's a lesbian? And does she like me?
Q. I’m a 17 year old girl and I have liked this women for 6 years. As always she was my high school PE teacher and in my last year she found out it was me who sent had been sending her presents on occasions like flowers for valentines etc. We got on ...
A. 14 March 2006: I think that you are either going to have to truly leave her behind you or ask her.
You will never know if you don't ask. I agree, there are some very odd mixed messages coming from her and trying to analyse them in your head will probably... (read in full...)
He really doesn't have a sex drive and now neither do I!
Q. Are there any other women out there that have felt like i do. And i don't have a clue what to do. I just dont enjoy the sex with my boyfriend of 2 yrs. I have tried lots of things to improve the sex but nothing works. We talked lots and there is ...
A. 14 March 2006: I agree with soulsista - I think that both of you need to have a chat with the doctor.
If his hormone levels aren't right, it is a medical thing that needs to be looked at, because a hormone imbalance may create other medical problems as well.
... (read in full...)
Was my free lunch just a friendly gesture? Or was there more?
Q. I went to the local pizza place for lunch yesterday. Just to get a take away salad. As I got there it was closed. So I was turned away and was walking back, and get my lunch elsewhere when there was a knock on the window. I turned and it was a ma...
A. 14 March 2006: I think it was a friendly gesture but if you are interested in him, it may be a good springboard to asking him out.
I suggest you go and visit him at the restaurant again, perhaps with a friend or two and say hi and see where it goes.
If you ... (read in full...)
Where can we go together that's new and different?
Q. Hey there I was just wondering, where is the best place to go out, or just anywhere to have fun or learn something new. Well the reason for this is that I just want to find some were new and different to go out with my boyfriend apart from watch...
A. 14 March 2006: *Visit art galleries
*See a play
*Attend free local activities (fetes, festivals etc)
*Go for a walk
*Grab a ball and head down to your local park for a game of footy
*Have a bbq with friends
*Go to a local trivia comp (a lot of pubs and restu... (read in full...)
Is he the right man for me? I keep having doubts...
Q. I am having a relationship problem that I can't figure out. I've been with my b/f for 8 mths but we were friends for years before. Every 2/3 months I keep having doubts on whether he is the right person for me. I've spoken to friends about it and ...
A. 14 March 2006: It is a difficult situation because you don't want to rush and break up with him and regret it or you don't want to stay and be unhappy.
I was in a relationship with this GREAT guy, we had good fun and I respected him sooooo much - he is smart, f... (read in full...)
I've met someone else, how do I leave my current boyfriend?
Q. I am living with my boyfriend of six years and i am only with him for the sake of our 3 year old son. i am not in love with my boyfriend. recently i met a lovely man and hes everything my current boyfriend isnt. i want to leave my boyfriend and i ...
A. 14 March 2006: I would very carefully consider the implications of this move, including if you have really thought about this and if it is the best idea for you and your family.
The only way is honesty and tell your partner. But please do it calmly and compassi... (read in full...)
I have many questions about birth control pills, can you help?
Q. I (18) and my b/f (19) are very much in love and have decided to have sex. we have been together for over 6 months and now feel the time is right. I am a virgin but he has had one previous sexual partner. the problem is i am very worried about ...
A. 14 March 2006: I would have a chat to your GP about the different types of pills because different ones may have different side effects.
Some help your skin, some are no good if you have high blood pressure, some are not good if you have other medical conditio... (read in full...)
I know it's wrong - but I miss experimenting with my cousin
Q. My first kiss was with my cousin. my family lived down the road from my aunt and uncles and when I was about 12 and my cousin was 14 I think we started to like each other. Im not sure how it started but he would grab my butt..I guess I didnt really ...
A. 14 March 2006: Get out there and meet new people and forget about your feelings for your cousin.
Obviously you can't ignore him or not see him ever again, he is family but I would avoid another encounter at all costs when you do see him.
I would get out th... (read in full...)
Should I call her again or is she just not interested?
Q. Got approached on the train by this girl who gave me her number, I called her up and we started talking. She told me how she had been checking me out for like two months and that she wanted us to get together, everything was going good. We called ...
A. 14 March 2006: I would look at it like this - if she is playing games, forget her, if she does it now imagine if you dated her.
Or she is not interested and in that case, she is an idiot because you sound like a great guy and find someone who deserves you.
... (read in full...)
Is a "break" sometimes a "break-up"?
Q. does a break mean a break up?...
A. 14 March 2006: It may or it may not.
It really depends on the individual circumstances and why the break occurred.
I went on a break that ended in a break up and then my friend went on a break with her boy and they are now engaged - he just needed some time... (read in full...)
My BF's parents won't let him go out, because he did poorly on his exams. But he's an adult!
Q. My boyfriend's parents are punishing him for not doing well in his exams. Part of that punishment is that he can't go out, even though he is an adult. He is not standing up to his parents, and has told me we can't see each other until everything is ...
A. 14 March 2006:
Yes he is an adult, but at the same time, he is living under their roof and from the sounds of it, probably his parents are paying for many of his expenses - including perhaps his expensive education.
Perhaps there was an agreement between him ... (read in full...)
Don't have a car... Don't know any magic tricks... Feel like I can't compare with my girl's fun and amazing ex
Q. my girlfriend used to date this guy a few years ago. apparently she says they never "went out" as a couple, she only seeing him. i guess there is a difference between dating and going out. well to make a long story short, she told me about her ideal ...
A. 10 March 2006: Don't confront her ex.
I think you need to say to her that when she says those things, you don't feel good. How would she like it if you went on about some other girl you used to go out with, wouldn't she feel bad?
I would tell her that yo... (read in full...)
My girlfriend is depressed: She says she hates herself, feels ugly, hates the way she looks, is lonely and has no friends! I tickled her and told her jokes (didn't work) - any suggestions?
Q. hi, my gf of 2 years has depression, over the last week or so she has been very depressed and will hardly, talk,eat smile or anything. then last night i asked her whats wrong, she broke down and she she said she was very depresed, i asked her if it ...
A. 10 March 2006: Has she spoken to anyone about depression? It is really important she does. Depression in this day and age is common and she shouldn't be afraid to talk about it with professionals, her GP and family.
There are so amazing websites availabl... (read in full...)
My husband hides things from me! Little things...
Q. Okay this sounds silly but it really bothers me. My husband will keep things from me. For example he got off from work one day and went by an old friends work. (male friend) I really don't care that he went I do care how ever that he felt the need ...
A. 10 March 2006: Maybe he is just trying to gain a little bit of independence and doesn't realise that his behaviour may seem a bit strange or out of the ordinary to you.
My suggestion is maybe to try and find some good one on one time together, maybe a weekend ... (read in full...)
Fallen for my sisters best friend but worried a) she doesn't feel the same b) it will mess everything up
Q. I have a friend who I have known for quite a few years. She is my sister's best friend and we all go out together quite regulary in a group. I feel though that I am falling in love with her but am not sure whether she feels the same. I keep getting ...
A. 10 March 2006: I agree with Bridget - take a chance.
Nobody lies on their deathbed and thinks "gee really shouldn't have asked her out", instead they think "what might have been".
If you think this girl is good for you and likes you, go for it.
If you ar... (read in full...)
My friend is involved with the husband of a couple I babysit for... Don't know what to do!
Q. ok really big problem. My friend recently got involved with an older man. Shes my best friend and I knew something was going to happen, but then I found out that he was married and had two little twin girls. I even babysitted them once! his wife is ...
A. 10 March 2006: I would talk to your friend and tell her that she has to make her own choices but you care about her and want to ensure that she is taking all these things into consideration ie.
(1) how would she feel if she was the wife
(2) what will ultimat... (read in full...)
I cheated in my mind, and my husband is angry and hurt...
Q. I cheated on my husband and brought him home in my mind and fucked my husband thinking of the other guy. He is extremely hurt and I destroyed his self confidence and dignity. He feels small and worthless in a sexual way. I don't want to lose him but ...
A. 9 March 2006: I'm a bit confused here...I think we need a few more details to be able to give some insightful advice... Who is this guy, did you tell your husband... what has actually happened between you and this other guy?
Some more detail would be fantasti... (read in full...)
My gf's a virgin, I didn't make you lose it with my finger, did I?
Q. Hi, me and my girlfriend are together for a long time. She is virgin and I respect that and we didn’t do anything that harms her virginity. Last night we were together. It was the night after her period was over. I massaged her but I did not put my ...
A. 9 March 2006: Sometimes even once you think your period has gone, the next day you may get a little blood - that is not uncommon and doesn't mean that she lost her virginity. ... (read in full...)
Why do guys stare and laugh?
Q. Hi, I'm just a little confused about something. I find that sometimes guys will stare at me or when there is a group of guys they will stare at me, and there sometimes smiling and talking. And when I walk past I hear laughing. Does this mean they ...
A. 9 March 2006: Maybe they are indulging in some typical guy talk with each other.
Remember how if you are with a group of girlfriends and you see an attractive guy, the girls all look then giggle with each other.
I would take it as a compliment and n... (read in full...)
Is he really such an innocent, shy little thing... Or not?
Q. Hi There, I have a wee problem!!! I have been with my boyfriend for 4 years now. When I met him I had come out of a long term relationship, of 4 years and he had been single for quite a long time. In saying that I don't mean he hadn't had a wom...
A. 9 March 2006: I have an ex who said he was shy and said he hadn't that many girlfriends so when I found out his number I was shocked, but I had to bear in mind that he was older, had started dating at a much younger age than me and also that in his youth he had ... (read in full...)
Thinking of getting a wax but worried I'll be too hair "back there" - am I a freak?
Q. I want to get a Brazilian wax. I would have no problem going if i didnt feel like im the only one with hair all the way "back there". Is this normal ? I dont want to look like a fool in front of the waxer....
A. 9 March 2006: My friend is a waxer and she says it is totally normal. I wouldn't worry. ... (read in full...)
How do we spice things back up?
Q. I have been in a relationship for almost four years now. We got together when I was 16 and she was 15. We are now 18 and 19, and there is really no excitement or conversation. It's so sad because we are at the age to have fun, and we are like a sad ...
A. 9 March 2006: I think there is more to simply spicing this relationship up - I mean - the fact you have nothing to say to each other indicates a lack of connection, things in common etc.
I really think that you need to look at a more long term solution... (read in full...)
Is is wrong to have sex with someone 14 years older than me.....even if I'm only 14?
Q. hi, i was wondering what u think about dating someone 14 years older, especially if ur only 14,. also would it be wrong if i had sex with him? i been thinking about it for ages and i feel ready to do it, he hasn't pressured me into it cuz he think...
A. 9 March 2006: I think the thing that is really important to remember is that this sort of posting comes up a lot, so it may be worth reading some similar ones because the thing that always sticks with me is the women who said they were in the same boat years back ... (read in full...)
I ruined my body! So scared what my boyfriend will think...
Q. I ruined my body. I have been overwight all my life ever since I was a little girl and I lost 70 pounds by dieting and exercising, but now I'm left with saggy breasts and an awful looking stomach...my private area is even pronounced and looks ...
A. 8 March 2006: I know this seems a big deal and pretty scary for you but you have to remember that your boyfriend loves you - YOU.
If he finds your body "repulsive" he is not worth your time - he is an idiot.
I think you need to talk to him that you feel sc... (read in full...)
After spending the year under house arrest, on his first free night he goes out and gets drunk with his friends!
Q. My boyfriend has been on house arrest for the last year, we live together and have been together for the last 5yrs. Hence, I too have been on house arrest. Not going out together, his not being able to work, me forking over rent, bills ect. What ...
A. 8 March 2006: Tell him how you feel. I don't blame you for feeling down about this - many people would!
It was insensitive what he did but talk to him and you will find out the reasons behind it. Maybe he just wasn't thinking and didn't intend to hurt you.
... (read in full...)
Wanted: Your views on DearCupid.org
Q. Hi everyone Thought I would introduce myself. My name is Andrew and I'm the guy who runs this site... Yes, it is just a one-man-band! I'm looking for ideas on what new features to add to the site and want YOUR input. I am thinking of the ...
A. 8 March 2006: Agony Aunt/Uncle profiles would be great - nothing too much just age, country etc.
Discussion board will also be ace!
You run an amazing site BTW!!!!... (read in full...)
How do I ask her out without being the laughing stock!?
Q. Hi. Im 12 and this girl i like is 13 (She is only a few months older.) well anyway, she is really really pretty, and i want to ask her out. The only trouble being that i am scared she will reject me, and will tell her mates and i will be a laughin ...
A. 8 March 2006: Try and make it casual - find something she is really into (sports, music etc) and try and organise something around that - ie. if she really likes a certain sporting team, wait until your team plays hers and suggest a bet where the loser buys lunch ... (read in full...)
A boy I like, don't like me, what can I do?
Q. i really like this boy but he doesn't like me. i've asked him out many times but the answer is always no what can i do???...
A. 7 March 2006: You may not want to hear this but I think it is time you forgot about him and found someone new.
I know this is really hard advice to take but you can't force someone to go out with you.
Whatever the reason is, it is his decision and you... (read in full...)
I'm 14 and may be pregnant! What can I do?
Q. Hi my name is Jessica im 14 and i think i might be pregnant.but i dont know im too afraid to go to a clinic and get checked out so i know for sure.I am like 4-5 days late and i dont want to tell my mom because she might like hate me and stuff.I cant ...
A. 7 March 2006: My advice is go to a clinic and tell your mum.
Don't be too scared - I mean, 4-5 days late does not necessarilly mean you are pregnant, but it does need to be checked out.
Clinics are there for these sorts of situations and they are not goi... (read in full...)
She's upset I went to strip clubs... over two decades ago!
Q. I am afraid my sexual past before I was married is going to hurt my wife so much she will eventually leave me. we openly discussed our pasts and now she is having trouble with what she knows. my past is all before I turned 20. I was married 22 years ...
A. 7 March 2006: I think that you need to discuss this matter with your partner and a counsellor. It sounds like she has some deep seated insecurities that need to be discussed and worked through. You have been very honest and patient and really what you did - there ... (read in full...)
He was great... Until he dumped me for a better model. Should I get back in touch or will it be a headf**k?
Q. Ok, so my ex boyfriend was a great bf, until he dumped me for another girl (who i knew he liked)then lied about it. we haven't spoken since the night we broke up. we were on friend terms at the time, but that was when i believed that he was breaking ...
A. 7 March 2006: My advice is to try and stay away from him until you know you can be JUST friends. If you are still in love with him, hanging out with him is not a good idea because it can leave you feeling like you want more and that can be a worry because it can ... (read in full...)
He doesn't give me oral so should I for him?
Q. I always go down on my partner cos he likes it and enjoys it (i dont). I dont let him cum in my mouth tho because i dont like it. When i ask him to go down on me he wont he makes excuses. Am i right to give to him even tho he dont do the same for ...
A. 7 March 2006: You should only do what you are comfortable with. Relationships, in the bedroom and out of the bedroom, are about give and take and compromise. Sometimes you may have to sit through a boring movie or go out to his mate's birthday drinks when ... (read in full...)
Should I stay with my cheating girlfriend or not?
Q. Looking for help. My girlfriend cheated on me at a party or to be more precise, with her ex while she was getting ready for it. I found out, after her friend had walked in and caught them and my gf told her not to tell me. I confronted her, and at ...
A. 6 March 2006: You sound far too nice and too sweet to put up with her rubbish. Please find someone who treats you with more respect. There are so many lovely, nice, smart, honest girls out there so you don't need to settle for someone who lies and cheats. ... (read in full...)
Fourth time lucky?
Q. If your partner has three failed relationships behind him what are the chances that our relationship will last? Is it true that past behavior represents future behavior?? ...
A. 6 March 2006: Suorpio is right - it really depends on how they ended.
If they ended because they grew apart, or realised they weren't really in love etc that is really different than say he cheated on each of them or hit them etc.
A few broken relations... (read in full...)
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