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anonymous
writes: ok really big problem. My friend recently got involved with an older man. Shes my best friend and I knew something was going to happen, but then I found out that he was married and had two little twin girls. I even babysitted them once! his wife is lovely and gets on with me and invites me over for lemonade and stuff when I babysit for her daughters.She seems worried that her husband is with someone...I dont know what to tell her. I want to kick and scream at my friend and tell her how stupid and horrible shes being and tell his poor wife everything...but I know I cant. Thats not the worst , the last time I saw him he came over to me an began making conversation. It turned out he knew that I knew about what he was doing and "thanked" me for not letting it slip. He was being overfirendly so I told him to leave me alone. He said not to worry about but the thought of him already makes me cringe. She 17, only a year older than me and doesnt know that shes throwing her entire life away on this creep.Not to mention wha this doing to his poor wife, i dont know whether to tell her I dont want to babysit anymore because I feel so uncomfortable knowing that when Hes out he doing soemthing with my best friendwhat should I do??
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female
reader, Hopeful +, writes (10 March 2006):
 I would talk to your friend and tell her that she has to make her own choices but you care about her and want to ensure that she is taking all these things into consideration ie.
(1) how would she feel if she was the wife
(2) what will ultimately happen between him and her
(3) how does she feel about him - does she love him and in that case, does he love her? How would she feel if it is just a physical thing?
(4) what has he told her - has he told her he will leave his life for her? Is this likely? Does she believe it?
(5) what kind of relationship can they have behind closed doors?
(6) is she wasting time on a married man when she can be dating unattached men?
(7) does she view it as a short term or long term thing?
It is important to remember that your friend probably think this a good idea and she may not have considered all the implications.
I would take her out for coffee and have a chat about these things, don't attack her just ask her and listen to what she has to say.
Be her friend, I know you are not happy with the situation and nor should you be but be her friend and help her make the best decision for her.
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