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female
,
*ddison
writes: does a break mean a break up?
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female
reader, Hopeful +, writes (14 March 2006):
 It may or it may not.
It really depends on the individual circumstances and why the break occurred.
I went on a break that ended in a break up and then my friend went on a break with her boy and they are now engaged - he just needed some time to make sure she was the one and some time to think.
In the meantime, if you are on a break, keep busy (i found cleaning a wonderful thing to do) and have a really good think about your relationship - list the pros and cons. Think about what happened leading up to the break and what you want from the relationship.
It is a great chance for you to really consider what you want in life and if this man you are on a break from can really provide it for you.
Take care - I know this is probably the hardest few days you have gone through.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 March 2006): An ongoing 'spark' is a nice fantasy that isn't quite achievable continuingly and consistently for many relationships that I have found. Such as my relationship with my gf - she's asked for breaks before, but I told her, "What exactly is a break and what's the difference between a break and a break-up?" Either way, it's treated the same way. My emotions on this:
1a. I'm not afraid of letting her go.
1b. As humble as I would like to be, I am however, afraid that she might make the wrong choice by taking her freedom - I made it explicitly clear that if she sleeps with another person, I will not take her back. It's like having a foreigner raid my temple, if you know what I mean.
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2a. I have thought and considered breaking up with her for the sake of both of us, mainly my sanity and her freedom.
2b. However, I am not one to run away from problems. I'm the type of stubborn bastard who just tries to solve things instead.
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3a. She is only half happy, though totally comfortable with me. Can she share her emotions with me? Yes, a lot better than before, where she withheld her emotions from me - just as I did before to her.
3b. Opening up ourselves to each other allows us to reach out toward each other and try to heal each other's wounds.
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4a. She can't brush aside how her friends think of her. She believes that she should 'act her age' based on how other's act. She's 29 right now, and believe that she should go out, find someone her friends love and adore, and marry him, have kids, go on with life.
4b. I'm 27, and I don't believe in that whole 'act your age' crap. Especially when it's based on other people's ideals. I've always tried to encourage her to act the way she is, for who she is, and not on how what others think. My gf isn't an immature person. At times, she is silly, fun, and popping with fun-ness [smiles]. She may not be all too caring for me, but she can be a caring person, etc, etc.
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And so on. Just some things to think about, and to relate to you on break VS break-up.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 March 2006): I don't think a "break" necessarily means a break-up at all. I am going thru the same thing with my b/f now. He's told me he needs a break while he sorts things out, but we've not actually "broke up"
We don't see eachother as much, but still chat on the fone and stuff.
So don't worry! If this guy really cares about you, he WILL come back to you when he has got his head together, that is a dead cert. Don't wait around forever for him obviously, but right now, a bit of time is all you need. If it is meant to be, it will be.
Take care
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A
female
reader, addison +, writes (13 March 2006):
addison is verified as being by the original poster of the question thanks for your responses...I am in a dilemma where my boyfriend said he wanted a break to sort stuff out. I know he is going through a tough time at work and his kids just started school this year. We have been growing apart recently, but we are meeting on friday to discuss stuff as we have only spoken about this over the phone. He says he wants the spark back..but thats a bit hard? we have been together for 10 months. I am just not sure how top handle it. Are we over? Is he missing me?
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A
male
reader, juttandmeff  +, writes (13 March 2006):
It all depends on th circumstances, which are a touch difficult to tell from your question! Broadly, I'd say yes.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 March 2006): In my dictionary of words, a break and a break up is the same thing.
In a break:
1. you get to do your own thing without worrying about a bf/gf
2. you can date other guys/girls
3. you can sleep around
4. you can do whatever you want
5. you get the illusion that there is still a chance
In a break-up:
1. you get to do your own thing without worrying about a bf/gf
2. you can date other guys/girls
3. you can sleep around
4. you can do whatever you want
5. you get the illusion that there is still a chance after going through some tearful agony (depending)
[wink]
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