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female
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*ypseyrose
writes: Hi There,I have a wee problem!!! I have been with my boyfriend for 4 years now. When I met him I had come out of a long term relationship, of 4 years and he had been single for quite a long time. In saying that I don't mean he hadn't had a woman for many years, he had, but as he has told me they were mainly one night stands or people he had gone out with for a couple of months.Initially we were really open about our past, and he told me how he was always shy around women and never really instigated anything. I accepted that being the new girl on the secene.However, the more I got to know him the more I found out out about his past and it seemed that he wasn't the innocent little thing that he once made himself out to be. He was by no way been a jack the lad but he had had a lot more experiences than he had first made out about and I felt for a long time hurt that he hadn't really told me everything that I felt he should have.Over the years I learned to accept the fact that he was single and he could do what he liked, but what hurt me the most was that he was never really honest with me. He is quite a bit older than me, and he has recently asked me to marry him, but I feel really reluctant to go ahead with it, as I feel that he has not been completely honest with me. I have tried to ask him about this and his pas but he always says the same thing, that he hated dating and was really shy, but jis numbers really don't show that???Is he taking the piss or in his head it that the truth?
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female
reader, gypseyrose +, writes (9 March 2006):
gypseyrose is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you so much for your advice. I do know that a lot of my problem is probably in my head, and being older, then obviously he has been around that bit longer than I have. I can see the logic side of things sometimes, and when I look at the amount of years he was single and the number he has been with, it is probably very mild by some peoples standards. But I can't help myself then other times from feeling jealous and thinking that he is hiding somethings. I know he's not, and I know that he would be deeply hurt if he knew that I was feeling this way still after 4 years, but I have tried to get over it, but sometimes I think about it more than others and it really gets to me if you know what I mean. I'm sure aswell that in his head knowing that the number he was with over the years doesn't seem that bad to him. And I'm sure that the things he hasn't told me have been irrelevant and probably long forgotten in his mind. But I just need to keep drilling this into my head! It's harder sometimes than it is others!
A
female
reader, smeedle  +, writes (9 March 2006):
 You are worrying about nothing, the guy loves you and wants to marry you and if it was`nt for this one thing you would be marrying him like a shot.
We never tell our new partners everything and to say that you have had a lot of partners would put some people off so he has just been economical with the truth to start with and then having not been completely straight with you he found it hard to then tell you something else.
Sounds like he is shy, even shy blokes can have lots of partners, being shy attracts some women, and having a lot of partners is ok, ive had loads by some peoples standards.
Stop worrying about this and move on, enjoy the life you have with him now and put his past behind you where it belongs.
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A
female
reader, Hopeful +, writes (9 March 2006):
 I have an ex who said he was shy and said he hadn't that many girlfriends so when I found out his number I was shocked, but I had to bear in mind that he was older, had started dating at a much younger age than me and also that in his youth he had seen one night stands as much more common and acceptable than he does now. Also, whilst in his mind he was shy compared to his more flashy mates, he still was incredibly charming and cute and funny and as a result whilst compared to his mates, he was not as much of a winner with the ladies, in my book he was.
So the my advice is to look at it from his point of view but if you really have serious doubts about his trustworthiness/honesty, you need to seriously evaluate if your relationship has legs. Talk to him about it...if you have really serious doubts they need to be addressed.
Take care - perhaps consider some pre-marriage counselling - its pretty common these days and can help iron out some of these issues, especially if they are just miscommunication or confusion etc.
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