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female
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anonymous
writes: I cheated on my husband and brought him home in my mind and fucked my husband thinking of the other guy. He is extremely hurt and I destroyed his self confidence and dignity. He feels small and worthless in a sexual way. I don't want to lose him but he is mad and yelling almost every day. What can I do?
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2006): well i agree with everyone here... you see your thoughts are your own but i also think that it's important to tell your husband b.f what you feel or everything its imporant... but he may feel very hurt on this which isnt good, keep comforting him and tell him how much you love him! do specail things for him, even go outta your way just to bring him lunch or something... And try something in the sex role play baby lol its fun....this isnt a good question for me but i know how your man feels because mine feels the same but i didnt say anything to mine... he just thinks i would prefer other people and think of others i dunno and hes hurt... i hope i kinda helpedI hope everything works out hun:) have a great night.. and dont stress because if he loves you he'll know deep down it doesnt matter because he's the one who has you!
A
female
reader, mystify +, writes (9 March 2006):
 i dont understand why everyone is saying that its ok to think it, but it would hurt him like hell to know it so he shouldnt know, well i would imagine that if its something that would inevitably hurt your partner then its wrong, i for one would like to know if my husband was "somewhere else" while making love to me.
i completely understand why your husband would feel hurt, you were sharing something powerfully intimate with him but he might aswell of been anyone as you were busy thinking of someone else instead, thats gonna hurt!
i say this to try and give you some understanding of what he may be feeling , so maybe you should focus on helping him get over as aposed to keep asking him to "let it drop " or forgive you, im pretty sure he wont be able to forgive you till he finds a peace of mind otherwise everytime it pops into his head he will be likely to carry on yelling at you.
that is of course if he is still the man you want
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 March 2006): I totally agree with the other Aunts, here. Think of how hurt you would be if you heard this coming from his mouth. What purpose did it serve the solidarity and the love in your marriage, to tell hubby you fantasize about 'boinking' another man? Marriage is no place for such meaness. You lashed out at him for some reason...I have to wonder why on earth you would do this, hun? Remember to keep building trust and respect. This is always ongoing in a marriage..it's a lifetime process. It never ends. Judging by his reactions, lately- I’d say the man is still hurt and upset. He is your husband and love partner. Begin with a humble "I am sorry," and admit your error. Tell him you want to improve your relationship. Then close your mouth and listen to his answer. Solutions are best resolved when one person stops talking and instead, they choose to listen carefully and use compassion. Good luck, hun and I wish you both well.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 March 2006): we all long for something we don't have.we all fantasise about things to, although you cheated try not to feel to hard on yourslf, but think you need to sort things out with your husband tell him it was a mistake and make him feel like he's the only man you ever wanted. it will take time as he is feeling hurt but women always get there own way in the end.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 March 2006): I agree with Eddie on that one, i don't think telling your husband u had thoughts of another man while havin sex with him was a great move, it is not wrong to have these thoughts but when u do it's sometimes better to keep them to yourself.I mean how would u feel if u were sleeping with ur husband and he told u he was fantasing over another woman? Think of it from your husbands point of view, appologise to him and make him feel special like he is the only one in the world to turn you on, have a romantic night in 2gether telling him how sexy he is and what you'd like to do to him. That should bring his confidence back up! Lori x
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male
reader, eddie  +, writes (9 March 2006):
 Everybody is correct here. Your thoughts are yours and sometimes they are what keep us sane. Teling your husband was a strange move though. WEre you trying to punish him for something.
Men like to feel like we are the "only" guy who could turn you on. Even if we know, in the bottom of our hearts, it's not true, it's how most feel. You weren't wrong or naughty for the feelings but your choice of telling him hurt his pride.
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A
female
reader, smeedle  +, writes (9 March 2006):
 Why on earth did you tell him, what did you think telling him would achieve.
You have really hurt him and this will take a long time to mend, you have some seriouse making up to do but you also need to look at why you did what you did.
What is wrong in your current relationship, fantasies are ok and quite healthy but there is no need to share that kind of fantasy with your partner.
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A
female
reader, beentheredonethat +, writes (9 March 2006):
 Sooooo why would he KNOW that...did you say the wrong Name?
You did not cheat on your husband by having a fantasy. But by explaining to him that you were thinking of ole so-and-so YOU DID kinda kick him in the teeth. Guess what...YOUR MIND IS YOUR Realm...you get to think ANY THING you want. (and you don't have to tell hubby if you THink the Prince of Wales is sexy in his kilt...and don't confess to the prince either.)
What ever pops into your brain...does not have to fall out of your lips. And your hubby has probably shagged a couple movie stars, a waitress and that pin up girl in his office...IN HIS MIND. The difference is he did not TELL you after sex...Oh...I was pretending you were the lady who brought us drinks tonight...you know the one with the big......
Just keep apologizing....maybe mention that HE's your real fantasy and always will be....and your next fantasy...might ought to involve hubby...at least the next on you confess to him.
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A
female
reader, Hopeful +, writes (9 March 2006):
 I'm a bit confused here...I think we need a few more details to be able to give some insightful advice... Who is this guy, did you tell your husband... what has actually happened between you and this other guy?
Some more detail would be fantastic to try and help you out here.
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