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female
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*lderdanmycrush
writes: hi, i was wondering what u think about dating someone 14 years older, especially if ur only 14,.also would it be wrong if i had sex with him? i been thinking about it for ages and i feel ready to do it, he hasn't pressured me into it cuz he thinks i won't be ready to do it till i'm well past 16.pls reply thanks xxx Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Hopeful +, writes (9 March 2006):
 I think the thing that is really important to remember is that this sort of posting comes up a lot, so it may be worth reading some similar ones because the thing that always sticks with me is the women who said they were in the same boat years back and did it and really regretted it later on.
It is important to remember that your young and have plenty of experiences ahead of you and really take into consideration the fact that he is a lot older than you, what his motives are and the fact that it is illegal in most countries indicates that a 14 year old still has some life to live before you can really make the best decisions.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 March 2006): the only answer is Yes it would be wrong.
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A
female
reader, willywombat  +, writes (8 March 2006):
 Sweetheart I dont want you take this the wrong way, but yes I think you are way to young to be thinking about having sex with this guy. He obviously has his head screwed on the right way by telling you he will wait til you are more physically and emotionally mature, so listen to him.
Please please dont do this yet. You will regret it when you are older.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 March 2006): I really think it's wrong. I've had alot of relationships with girls older and younger than myself and if the 28 yr old was 17 i wouldn't see it as a problem but the fact is tht he is an adult and for him to be with sum1 under 16 is wrong. when i was 14 i thought i was ready to have sex n was grown up n knew it all but i didn't and i don't think ppl realise how niave they are around tht age until their much older. my advice would be that if this person really cares about you than wait til ur 16, if he can wait for u to turn 16 then you know ur doin the right thing. how would u feel if u had sex and then in a few weeks or a couple of months he walked away or dumped you for sum1 else? the one thing ur assured of in life is time so there is no reason to rush into anything.from jay, 24 male england.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 March 2006): Yeah with Anonymous at the bottom, it's hard to imagine myself with a 14 year old girl, unless I want someone at that age for purposes of sex. I'm 27 btw.
To look at this more positively though, maybe your 28 year old bf sees something now in which you may grow up to be. The same can be said when I was 17 dating a 15 year old - I saw something in her that I really liked at that age, and she grew up to be someone similar to that idea.
To many conservatives, your age differences is a negative thing, but I rather not judge love by the law and rather on emotion and spiritual connection. Alas, sex on the otherhand has to be generically upheld throughout the ages despite your personal wisdom and intelligence. Just as not all 21+ year old drink responsibily, and not all 30+ year old make good parents - not all 14 year olds are naive and can't think for themselves. (Un)Fortunately, the law is the law, and I advise you to wait the 2 years out at the very least. Lest you desire your bf to be put in jail for crimes against his own girlfriend - even by consent!
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A
female
reader, Angelicc +, writes (8 March 2006):
 okay firstly i just wish to ask why so many young girls are attracted to such older men. yea i like old guys but there normally younger then 25 and i'm 17. i was just wondering.
okay down to your problem, well i know you have truly strong feelings for this guy. it's great that he isn't pressuring you into a sexual relationship. it shows that he has truly strong feeling for you too. but i know you feel your ready for a sexual relationship but i believe you should wait because your very young, actualy under the illegl age. if anyone found out he could be arrested they may take you relationship in the wrong way. wait until you'll 16 because not only will you know your truely feel ready but then your relationship is legal. plus you want your first time to be speical not made into something dirty by other people's views. so just wait the years will fly by.
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A
male
reader, Dolomite +, writes (8 March 2006):
The short answer is Yes. The long answer is Yes, and any 28 year old man who is entertaining the idea of having sex with a 14 yeard old is a predator. You should talk to your parents, or to another adult you trust about this (Teacher, School counselor, pastor etc.). Discuss why you want ot have a relationship with someone so much older, and why he wants to have a relationship with someone so much younger.
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A
female
reader, MarthaZ +, writes (8 March 2006):
 It's not wrong to date someone who is 14 years older than you, so long as he's not taking any advantages from you. But you must remember that consent age for sex is 16 and therefore if you have sex with your bf it's illegal. I think your bf is being very sensitive and considerate about the issue of sex with you. He's not taking any advantage and that's one of the best qualities you can find in a man.
He's a keeper, but don't feel like you have to have sex with him just yet. Don't do it through peer/media pressures either, when you are truely ready you will "know". Then talk to your bf through about it, and hopefully your first time will be a great time.
So basically, don't rush!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 March 2006): Firstly, I can see how it's not necessarily wrong from your point of view but from his point of view, yes it is.I'm 28 myself and any man that age hanging out with school girls is desperate or just a purve. If he knows your willing to have sex he'll eventually do it and he ain't gonna wait no 2 years neither. If you want relations, do it with boys your own age. This guy might seem nice but experience tells me otherwise.
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