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female
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anonymous
writes: Are there any other women out there that have felt like i do. And i don't have a clue what to do. I just dont enjoy the sex with my boyfriend of 2 yrs. I have tried lots of things to improve the sex but nothing works. We talked lots and there is very little effort from my boyfriend. He has a low sex drive which is ok with me but when he does get the urge I now end up giving him a handjob or blowjob as I don't want him to do anything to me as he doesn't seem to want or have the desire to do the things i enjoy which are pretty standard things. I'm getting really frustrated as it's one sided and I have always put in loads of effort. I have now lost my sex drive. I feel like leaving but I might regret it. If he's got low testosterone levels can he get help for this and will this give him more desire to do things to me. Everything else is fine. Please help. Thanks
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 March 2006): Thanks for the great advice,
A
female
reader, Hopeful +, writes (14 March 2006):
 I agree with soulsista - I think that both of you need to have a chat with the doctor.
If his hormone levels aren't right, it is a medical thing that needs to be looked at, because a hormone imbalance may create other medical problems as well.
I would start there and if after that it appears to be more of a mental rather than physical thing, perhaps it may be worth invesigating some couples counselling.
It sounds like you love him a lot and want to come to a resolution rather than just walk away so I would suggest first medical, than mental as solutions to this problem.
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A
female
reader, xxxsoulsistaxxx  +, writes (13 March 2006):
 I have the same problem; he has no sex drive most of the time and I feel like I'm just doing things when he wants to, not when I do. My sex drive started to drop because of this because my self confidence was being knocked constantly as he kept turning me down: asking for sex isn't really a big turn on for me, especially when I get turned down so often!
However, when we do it's great so I dont get it. You'll have to try and talk to him about it before you make any rash decisions. I did and he says he's just a bit down at the moment, worrying about money and stuff, so I've decided to be patient and see if things improve. If they don't I will leave to find someone who satisfies my needs more, definitely.
Find out why this is before you do anything. Maybe asking him to see a doctor about his mood, hormone levels etc is a good idea. If you work together, you can get through this but he has to put in more effort and make you feel wanted. I know how frustrating it is and, quite frankly, if he's not willing to change anything, you do need to think about getting out.
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