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female
,
anonymous
writes: I ruined my body. I have been overwight all my life ever since I was a little girl and I lost 70 pounds by dieting and exercising, but now I'm left with saggy breasts and an awful looking stomach...my private area is even pronounced and looks swollen because of all the fat I used to carry. I am so afriad that if my boyfriend and I ever got intimate, he would be really repulsed by me. We've been going out for nine months now and he always tells me he loves my body and doesn't understand why I don't feel okay about it. I feel like "oh, he has no idea what I look like" and would really, honestly be turned off by by ugly body...I'm only 21, but I look like I ahve the body of a sixty year old. Should I show him my stomach? I'm afraid he might be really disgusted by me and won't want to go out with me anymore if he discovered it later on...so should I get it over with now and see how he reacts? Whenever he touches my thigh or my butt he always says something nice about it, but I just feel like if he truly knew what I looked like, he would wnat to leave. I know love is a matter of the heart; and I don't think he's that superficial, but do you think this would help my situation or hurt it even more? I don't wnat to seem so insecure about it around him, but I wnat him to ahve a realistic view about my body and that it isn't as beautiful as he thinks it is. I just don't wnat to give him any false impression, or spend all this time with him and if he ever sees me naked, says he can't deal with it and wnat to end it. Does anyone have nay tips? Any help would be greatly appreciated.
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female
reader, willywombat  +, writes (8 March 2006):
 I wish I had the foresite to know at 17 my body was as perfect as it was ever gonna get, and compared to the airbrushed pics of madels in mags that wasnt that good.
But you know, it was my body and as such I was proud of it. It does things for me and all the bits work like they should. Now I am 35 and things have stretch marks or are going south I am just grateful that it is healthy and it still enables me to live a fulfilling life.
I work in the health sector and each day I see the fragility of the human body. Now this probably won't make YOU feel any better but your body is all you hvae got. When it goes kaput, you are truely up the creak unless you adapt.
I think what I am trying to say is, be proud of yourself whatever your shape. It is your skin you live in and nobody (not even the supermodels) are perfect. Even they rely on doctored photgraphs!!
you bf wont notice what you notice, he will just be enjoying all that your body has to offer him and yourself in terms of pleasure. Please dont allow yourself to get hung up on this it will blight your life.
Go see your GP cos they can help you if you feel this hatred of the way you look is getting out of you control. There is a psychological disorder called BDD (body dismorphic disorder) which can blow your perception of self straight out of the water. Go to
http://www.psychnet-uk.com/dsm_iv/body_dysmorphic_disorder.htm
or
http://www.phobics-society.org.uk/info_bdd.shtml
and have a read. See if this sounds like you. Then go get some help.
Good luck
xx
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 March 2006): Ditto to what the others said, and be proud of yourself!My better half and I met at 130 lbs. I hit 170 within 6 months. Now, I'm back at 145. I really don't think he's noticed any changes in my body. He loves ME; just your bf loves YOU.Another bit of good news...I noticed you said you were 21, and at that age, your skin may still have a lot of elasticity. If you keep the weight off, build some muscle (it will help fill out your skin), use a moisturizer, avoid sun burns and do some cardio your skin will "firm up" some.
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A
female
reader, ladybaby +, writes (8 March 2006):
Firstly CONGRATULATIONS!!! You have done extremely well in losing that weight, and is in itself something to be really proud of! Are you a member of a gym? If not, you should really consider joining one, and explain to the instructor what you want to gain, and they should be able to help you in achieving that. That is something to do for yourself though, but you will gain confidence, which will help with the boyfriend issue.
As for your current situation, only do what you're ready to do, and if you wanting a full sexual relationship, discuss what it will mean to both of you before embarking on that phase in your relationship. Not one woman is perfect in her own eyes, but luckily a lot of men wear rose-tinted glasses, which seem to soften the contours of our bodies. Well my current boyfriend hasn't commented on my stretchmarks, the 17inch surgical scar running from my neck downwards, my flabby thighs or my huge bottom anyway, actually he seems oblivious to it all! For the first couple of months I wouldn't even have sex with the light on, then I moved onto having candles in the room (which have a magic power of making everything look great). That's not my body changing though - that is confidence of being with someone who loves me because of me and my imperfections not regardless of them.
Good Luck!
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A
female
reader, wishes +, writes (8 March 2006):
 It sounds like you have a lovely boyfriend who will love you no matter what. Dont forget to keep talking to him about how you feel. He will not be "replused" by your body, but grateful that you feel comfortable enough to share it with him. You have done a good thing by becoming healthy and you should be proud of yourself. Give yourself a bit more credit. Dont worry about him having expectations of what he thinks your body will look like, and even if you dont believe him, he will think you are beautiful because you are you, and he loves you. Id love to know how you go. Best wishes, and chin up ok girl. x
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A
female
reader, Hopeful +, writes (8 March 2006):
 I know this seems a big deal and pretty scary for you but you have to remember that your boyfriend loves you - YOU.
If he finds your body "repulsive" he is not worth your time - he is an idiot.
I think you need to talk to him that you feel scared but then take the risk. He is going to see your body eventually.
Remember also, we see our own faults magnified. What may seem not perfect to you, he might think isn't a problem.
If he really loves you, he will be fine.
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