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... Send *opeful a private message | | | *opeful's profile:Hi - I'm 23 and live in Australia. I'm single.
I enjoy reading everyone's posts and seeing if there is anything I can suggest which may help them.
I don't think I know all the answers but I think it is important to look at these problems from a lot of different angles to try and find the best solution.
Sometimes I think it is important to play Devil's advocate and really look at all the issues and all the options before making a final one.
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Shouldn't my friend go for it with her younger guy? Why does she care about the age difference?
Q. Hi, My friend is 29 and she has got this guy after her but he's 17. They really get on and I think they are falling in love with each other but she says it's the age gap that's stopping them. But I think if you love each other that much, age shou...
A. 23 March 2006: It is tough one because some people see age as no barrier whilst for others it can be a big problem.
I think that it is important that you don't pressure your friend into anything. At the end of the day it is her life, not yours.
She may find ... (read in full...)
I think I let things get too far with my boyfriend. Can I slow things down?
Q. I am 15 and I have had my boyfriend for 6 weeks and I love him. Soon after we met I let him feel my breasts and a couple of nights ago I let him put his hand inside my panties. But now I think I let him go too far and that he will want me to go all ...
A. 23 March 2006: Next time if things are moving too fast, just tell him.
I'm sure he is a reasonable guy and will understand if you him that you care about him a lot but physically you want to slow things down a little.
A lot of young girls often think that... (read in full...)
I want to only start a friendship with her... how would I go about doing that?
Q. I went to a party with some friends, and through my one friend i was introduced to another of their friend with who i found alot in common, and that we are practally neighbours and our parents come from the same place. We exchanged numbers and ...
A. 23 March 2006: Hi there - that is a tough one.
It is hard for guys and girls to start a friendship in this kind of way - most guy friends I have came from part time jobs when I was at school or after school activities or college etc.
I think that perhaps you... (read in full...)
I'm feeling a bit used from my ex, can you help me?
Q. Hi I have been separated now for 2.5 years; it was a very amicable split (really). Since I moved out, I have gone round to help my ex with the children (I'm not their mother), household chores etc every hour I don't work, with exception of my Wedne...
A. 22 March 2006: I think that you and your ex just need to set some boundaries and make sure that neither of you over burden each other.
I would wait until things calm down and then perhaps have a chat about how to make things fair. Obviously you want to help and... (read in full...)
What happens if the boy I cheated with tells my boyfriend what happened?
Q. Me and my boyfriend have been dating for 5 months. He told me he cheated on me for almost 2 months, so I forgave him and we go back out. I'm happy with him but when we argue it's horrible and I can't stand him and it's a lot that we argue. ...
A. 22 March 2006: If you are really worried about this, I think you should be honest and tell your boyfriend.
Not that he will be happy about it, but it will sound 100 times worse if he is told by someone else.
I think though, also, from what you say about yo... (read in full...)
Do his commenst mean we may be more than friends?
Q. Hi, recently a guy that i know has said things such as: "you are a very special person", and "u bring out the best in me" "i feel comfortable talking to you" and various other comments. I was just wondering what this meant, does he value our frie...
A. 22 March 2006: To me that sounds like something you would say to a friend who you were interested in something else with.
They are really lovely comments and I think this is his hint to perhaps take something further.
However, he could have just been being ... (read in full...)
My GF left me one night after saying how much she loved me, and all she left was a note...
Q. Four weeks ago my g/f left me while I was at work. She left a note saying, "I'm sorry but I've left you, need some time on my own, staying with a mate, take care. I'm sorry. Thanks for everything." We were together 3 years, and the night before...
A. 21 March 2006: My best friend's boyfriend once told her on a Saturday that he loved her, that he had been taking too much in the relationship and that he needed to give more, he had been selfish and he wanted it all to change, he wanted to be a better boyfriend ... (read in full...)
I'd rather lose my viriginity to someone I love, but if I tell my girlfriend that, we're sure to break up!
Q. I'm 19 and I've been dating my girlfrind now for 6 months and everything is good. I am a virgin, she is not, and she knows this. She wants to have sex and I tell her I'm not ready and she gets a little annoyed but deals with it. It's just tha...
A. 21 March 2006: I think you need to tell her that you are not ready yet.
Most people who are waiting for a partner to have sex, are patient and happy to wait. Some are not, and they in my opinion are not worth the time of day.
No one should be pressured int... (read in full...)
I'm being bullied and threatened by a boy at the bus stop...
Q. Hey guys this is Sweetie Pie and I have a MAJOR problem!!! You see there's this kid at my bus stop. I'm in sixth grade and he bothers me and my 2 other friends a lot. He's only in eighth grade and he smokes, drinks, and does other drugs too. And h...
A. 20 March 2006: Sorry to hear that sweetie pie, bullying is totally unacceptable behaviour and sorry to hear that this guy is being a complete creep.
It is never an easy decision to make but I think you need to tell a guidance counsellor or trusted teacher ... (read in full...)
This is starting to scare me... Is my boyfriend too obsessed with me?
Q. I'm scared my boyfriend might be obsessed with me. He is always wanting to talk to me and gets very jealous. I like him a lot but he's starting to scare me. I can't dump him because he's one of my best friends and I would hate to not speak to him. ...
A. 20 March 2006: Hard to say with the limited information...but I think that if when you say jealous is he threatening violence or verbal abuse etc or is her just a bit too curious about where you go and who you see.
At the end of the day, you should not stay in ... (read in full...)
If my friend finds out I have a crush on her boyfriend, it's going to be a disaster...
Q. I am in a lot of trouble. I have this crush on my best friend's boyfriend and I don't want her to find out, otherwise our friendship will be over. I think he is dead cute and a lovely personality. Please someone help me! What shall I do?...
A. 20 March 2006: Why will she find out? Are you planning on telling or or him?
It really is up to you if you tell either or both of them.
I think that you need to look at it like this:
If you tell him, he might be interested in you. What happens then? Does ... (read in full...)
How can I sneak over to my boyfriends house without my mom knowing?
Q. How can I sneak over to my boyfriends house without my mom knowing? ...
A. 17 March 2006: Why do you want to sneak around your Mum's back?
Does she not approve of your boyfriend or boyfriends in general? Does she not like you out at a certain time or in certain places?
Is it worth sneaking around and betraying your Mum's trust and ... (read in full...)
Trying to think of reasons why I'm better off without him... But not doing too well :-(
Q. Hi i posted on the 15th about my fiance who was demanding that i marry him and move in else he would leave me, well i jsut want to say thanks to bev and the other readers who answered. I did speak to him and asked why he would suddenly ask this ...
A. 17 March 2006: I would visit your school/local library and get some books out that help with coping with loss. These may help.
I would write a list of what things you WERENT happy with in the relationship and the things you can now enjoy about being single. ... (read in full...)
Is she keeping me on the back-burner?
Q. This is driving me crazy! My ex wants to remain friends (I want more than that but will settle for now if that's the only way I can keep her in my life) but says she is either too busy to hang with me or blows me off to hang with her rebound guy. ...
A. 17 March 2006: I would consider, and very seriously considering cutting back all your contact with this girl and allow yourself some time to heal and get over the relationship.
Exes can be very cruel and keep people on the backberner in case
(a) single life ... (read in full...)
He says he can't reconcile "sex" with "love" because of his promiscuous past!
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for two months now, and our sex life has almost completely stopped. In the two month period, he's moved house and is about to change jobs - I put the lack of sex down to stress and tiredness. However, a few days...
A. 17 March 2006: I agree with Irish - I think that your boyfriend needs the help of a counsellor who can help address the issue.
What your boyfriend is experiencing probably isn't that unusual - I think there are a reasonable number of men and women who don't co... (read in full...)
He's taking his time to propose - should I ask him?
Q. I want to know if I should propose to my current partner. We have been together for just over a year and get on so good. We have talked about marriage and kids and have decided we want both but he's taking his time to propose. He tells me he loves ...
A. 16 March 2006: A year is not too long that you have been together...I wouldn't be too worried.
Give him some time, perhaps he is waiting until he has saved some extra cash or paid off a loan...
My Dad waited to propose to my Mum because he was in a job tha... (read in full...)
My husband and girlfriend are extremely close. Is this normal?
Q. My girlfriend spends a lot of time on the phone with my husband and at my house with my husband when I'm not home. I know they discuss her bad marriage and sex. I told both of them I'm upset and want it to stop. Now they're upset with me and ...
A. 16 March 2006: There is definitely something odd here.
I agree with the other postings there.
The other odd thing is that when you mentioned it, they both ganged up on you and got upset.
I think that you need to talk to your husband in a calm way an... (read in full...)
I'm under 30, retired and so bored with life...
Q. Dear Cupid (and his little Cupid and Cupette helpers), I am b-o-r-e-d. Each day I try to do something exciting, something amazing, something cool... But at heart I am really, seriously, 100% A1++ bored. I am most content lazing on a sofa, l...
A. 16 March 2006: Hiya - here are a few suggestions
What about a course? What about going and doing a grad course or a masters in a subject that really interests you?
Learn a language
Learn a musical instrument
Travel
Maybe some charity work - find ... (read in full...)
He said he liked me, but then said he was joking. What's his deal?
Q. I wrote a question on here yesterday and bsically this lad I like said he would text me when I went away and his mate told me he fancied me and loads of other stuff which I know was true because I am also mates with this person. But I text him for a ...
A. 16 March 2006: I think this guy sounds like a real game player and immature. Anyone that gets his mates to do his dirty work really needs to grow up a bit.
I would continue to be friendly and nice and figure that it is his loss and if he had been more mature h... (read in full...)
Is this age-gap relationship normal? Or freaky?
Q. Is this a normal situation to be in for a 19 year old? I'm 19 years old and I am seeing an older guy who is 41... I know this can't go anywhere because of the age gap being so large(right?) but I dont know what to do I feel trapped. It depr...
A. 16 March 2006: I think you need to forget the age gap from your mind and concentrate on the relationship. Personally I think that there are bigger issues at play here than simply the age gap - the words you use 'trapped', 'resentment' etc sound like the ... (read in full...)
I'm thinking of running away...
Q. I am 13 and I am thinking about running away with 700 dollars and buying a plane ticket to where my family besides my mom dad and sister and staying there without my parents' permission. Can you help me?...
A. 16 March 2006: Anonymous is right - its really hard to give you specific information and assistance when we don't know the details of why you want to run away.
I think that you need to think about exactly why you want to run away and consider talking about it... (read in full...)
I really don't want to be friends with my boyfriend's ex and her bf!
Q. Hello everyone! After having to come to terms with my boyfriend's first love being a very good friend of his, he's asked me to befriend her and her boyfriend. The issue is this.... I work with her boyfriend and can't stand him. He's even phoned me ...
A. 16 March 2006: I would say to your boyfriend that you feel a little uncomfortable around the ex's partner and you are happy to catch up with them every now and again but would rather mix it up and spend some more time with other friends as well.
I think it is on... (read in full...)
He still has pics of his ex, why?
Q. DO I have the right to ask my boyfriend why he still keeps pictures of him and his ex? They went out about 3 years ago for one year. He says she had many problems, he lied to himself that he was in love with her, but he's still keeping pictures of ...
A. 16 March 2006: It is different for different people.
Some people throw away all the pictures and items that remind them of their former partners, some people don't.
My friend has kept all the pictures of her ex. He was a rotten guy and she is well over him. S... (read in full...)
I told her I wasn't a virgin!
Q. hi im 18 years old and still a virgin because i wanted to wait for someone i liked, now i have been seein this girl who is 1 year younger things are going well an i think this will be the 1!!!the thing is she is quite experienced and i tld her im ...
A. 16 March 2006: I will never forget one of my best friends telling me how she felt she was so lucky because her new boyfriend was a virgin. She felt pretty special that she was going to be his first.
Anyway, I think you can do one of two things...
(1) Tel... (read in full...)
I really want to get to know this guy, but I'm not sure how!
Q. HEY! here's the thing...i fancy a guy at school, who's a year below me. we do not have any classes together but I know he likes me, he stares at me every time I walk past.But, he is really really shy and has never talked to me. it is hard to ge...
A. 16 March 2006: Find out what he is into in his spare time - hobbies, clubs etc.
Is he on a sports team or in a music group or debating society that is run by your school? If so, find out about that, go along for a meeting etc.
Perhaps organise some so... (read in full...)
What's the difference about love?
Q. what does it mean when a guy you've been dating says he loves you but is not in love with you?...
A. 15 March 2006: I see it as a way of saying "i really care about you a lot and i think you are great but we are not meant to be together".
I think this phrase about an ex of mine. I adore him, nicest guy, smart, funny, successful but at the end of the day we j... (read in full...)
How can I get her back when she won't even meet with me. Its driving me crazy..please help!
Q. Hey there guys and girls, i have an issue, about one month ago I had a split with my girlfriend, of 2yrs (on and off)... We had a big argument, about nothing which turned into -....- I told her if she wasnt happy then i will catch her later!...
A. 15 March 2006: I would leave it a few days. Think carefully about her and the relationship and what you want.
I know you are low and upset now and I know that feels awful but believe me you have to get past it and you will.
I think after a few days (no con... (read in full...)
I get the feeling my ex might be interested in more than friendship. Me too, but is it too much work?
Q. I need help!! My ex boyfriend and I live apart as we are at different universities. We had been together since our schooldays but always found it hard to be apart. We finished the relationship a while ago as we couldn't be sure that it was possible...
A. 15 March 2006: I think you need to very carefully consider the following things when you are in this situation...
(1) the real reasons you broke up
(2) how you felt when you broke up - were you sad? relieved? scared?
(3) what was the good and bad of when you ... (read in full...)
I'd like to ask her out, but she might think of me as just a friend...
Q. I'm 20 yr old and the girl I like is 16, almost 17. I've liked her for 4-5 months now. Two months ago she found out and she said she liked me too, although we can't go out because she's off the internet. I'm not meeting her till October when we ...
A. 15 March 2006: I think you have two options.
The first is to call her and have a chat, find out where you think she and you see this going.
or if you don't want to do that, you have to wait and see what happens between you two when you see her in October. ... (read in full...)
I'm dating my "Plan B", but if "Plan A" asks me out, do I dump him?
Q. I have been dating a boy for about 2 weeks and I ain't sure if I am THAT interested in him. So today one of my good GUY-FRIENDS tells me that my dream crush, that I have always liked but never got to, was going to ask me out! I was so excited,...
A. 15 March 2006: I think you should end things with plan B because either way your heart is not in the relationship and you are leading him on.
How would you feel if you were someone's plan B? ... (read in full...)
I just can't bear to be "just friends" with my ex... Other couples can break up and still be friends, so why can't we?
Q. Did I do the right thing? My bf broke up with me in December due to some problems in the relationship. We were both still very much in love, but things just weren't working. I wanted to stay together and see if we could work things out, but he ...
A. 15 March 2006: You did the right thing.
Some people really can't be friends and that is ok. It's not a written rule that after you break up you must hang out and have fun together.
Some people can and some can't. It depends on the person and the situation.
... (read in full...)
Could my BF's viewing of exploitative child porn have just been a fluke?
Q. I wrote earlier, about my bf looking at underage girls, child porn, or whatever. I wasn't trying to find out what an appropriate age to be looking at this is. For the record he is 20. I was hoping to see if this would be considered a normal thing ...
A. 15 March 2006: I think that you need to really decide if it was a fluke and he was just interested to see it or if he really does have a problem. What he did in my mind and yours is it isn't normal and that sort of thing is wrong, but you need to look at his ... (read in full...)
I get breakfast in bed, but I don't really feel that I belong at my boyfriend's house, since he hasn't asked me to move in...
Q. I have been in a fantastic loving relationship for 5 months now. My boyfriend lets me stay at his house every night of the week. He is very giving; for example he cooks, does housework and makes me breakfast in bed. Lately he has been getting ...
A. 15 March 2006: I don't know how others would see this but I can see his point, you do spend all your time there and he does all the work for the house.
I think you have two options :
(1) Do more - offer to help, cook more often, do the odd bit of dusting o... (read in full...)
I don't know how to have sex...any tips?
Q. I don't know how to have sex.it is really embarassing. Do you have any tips? ...
A. 15 March 2006: I would have assumed, depending on how old you are, that you would have
(a) had the birds and the bees discussion with your mother/father/sister etc
(b) sex education at school.
If not, perhaps you need to go down to your local library and do... (read in full...)
He's cheated on me with SEVEN other women!!! Is he worth it?
Q. i have been with my man 5 years hes cheated on me with seven other women and his only defense is that i flirted with his friend when we'd only been together a week ,i am trying to forgive him but is he really worth the upset as we have two children ...
A. 14 March 2006: I think you are too good to have put up with this for so long.
I think this beyond repair and I think you need to have a bit of confidence and self esteem about this - this man obviously has no respect for you or your family.
His excuse is... (read in full...)
How do I show I DON'T like him?
Q. Theres this guy i really like and have liked for ages, everyone knows i fancy him. I don't know if its because he hasn't done anything about it but i've recently gone off him. How can i get out of it and find a way so people won't still think i ...
A. 14 March 2006: Just be yourself and be friendly. If he approaches you, you're not interested, if friends ask you about him, you're not interested.
If he hasn't done anything he's probably not interested anyway so I wouldn't worry to much.
Just be like ... (read in full...)
He cheated on me so I told his whole family!
Q. boyfriend cheated on me when i went to university. i found out from the girl (i didnt know her). i got my own back via humiliation by notifying his parents of what he had been up to, but since then any argument of fall out we have his mother tells ...
A. 14 March 2006: In her mind, whilst she knows what her son did wrong, you hurt her little boy and that is what it comes down to.
Regardless of wether your actions were right or wrong, her gaurd is now up and she is instinctively protecting her son.
The bes... (read in full...)
Things were so good to start with... But now they're not and she won't have sex!
Q. Me and my girlfriend are both 16 years old, and have been going out now for just over a year. We're still very close to each other, spending about 4 days a week together and still really enjoy being with each other. However, when I think about ho...
A. 14 March 2006: I would ask her why. Its the only way you will know.
I think some of Bev's suggestions are really likely.
Perhaps her friend has had a pregancy scare or her that you don't know about and unless you speak to her about it you won't know.
I... (read in full...)
I don't know why my fiancee left. She won't say, and she won't return my calls. What can I do?
Q. I am confused. My Fiance of five years left a note on Wednesday saying "be home at 6." At 7 the phone rang and dear fes..tho it's breaking my heart I need to end our relationship. She was reluctant to disclose her whereabouts (no domestic...
A. 14 March 2006: I am so sorry to hear about this - I can completely understand why you are confused.
Generally when a break up is coming, you can sort of feel it and whilst it is always upsetting and emotional, you deep down know why but this is not the case for... (read in full...)
Can't stop thinking about my Brief Encounter - but could there be a future for us?
Q. I have met a guy who I think is really incredible, but he lives abroad and we only met for a couple of days when he was here visiting family. He is a student, just finishing a degree this year, and so he is completely broke all the time and can't ...
A. 14 March 2006: Has he indicated anything to you about when he moves?
Has he said to you that he is keen to take it further?
You have to be careful in these situations because if you wait for him you run the risk of missing out on seeing someone who coul... (read in full...)
Why would he be telling me that he thinks his ex is "fit"?
Q. I'm scared I'm being too needy with my boyfriend but I feel he is trying to make me insecure. The other day he told me he thinks his ex girlfriend is 'fit' and I don't know what to think about that. He said he's not gonna think she's ugly as he went ...
A. 14 March 2006: I would simply tell him that you understand he has exes and you don't have a problem with that but you don't really like to hear about them. Tell him that it makes you feel a little bit uncomfortable and that you don't talk about your exes to him.
... (read in full...)
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