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male
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anonymous
writes: I am afraid my sexual past before I was married is going to hurt my wife so much she will eventually leave me. we openly discussed our pasts and now she is having trouble with what she knows. my past is all before I turned 20. I was married 22 years and am remarried to my wife for 6 months. she was divorced after 15 years and most of her past was in the last 4 years after her divorce. I am not too crazy about this but seem to have a handle on my emotions, after all it was before me. what can I do. she has such issues about my choices and what I was exposed to. she has told me if she knew all this before she may have though about marring me. she now says she loves me so much that she has to deal with this and wont let this break us up. so times she gets so upset she wont come near me and feels discusted. we eventually talk it through and things are ok for a few days before something triggers her thoughts again and the whole process begins with her asking all kinds of questions. I have had sex with 12 woman including my ex, she really hates the fact I went to a few strip clubs. the last time was about 10 years ago. she was with about 2 men after her divorce. we are in our forties now. I only went because I was with friends and never really liked the strip club scene and dont drink. any idea's on how I can help her with these issues. please we are so great together, I am afraid to loose her it would just destroy me.
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female
reader, Hopeful +, writes (7 March 2006):
 I think that you need to discuss this matter with your partner and a counsellor. It sounds like she has some deep seated insecurities that need to be discussed and worked through. You have been very honest and patient and really what you did - there is nothing wrong with.
She is obviously scared you will do something to hurt her - ie. cheat and whilst this is unfounded, it has obviously come from a deeper mistrust and insecurity and it needs to be discussed with a professional.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 March 2006): OML! You'll simply just have to sit down with your wife and make it clear to her that it's bugging the bajeebus out of you that something that happened more than 20 years ago is resurfacing to trouble her now! That is very unfair! That's like saying "I shoplifted a pack of gum and a comb 20 years ago" and is correctly assumed that I will do it again 20 years later. What the hell?!?!Helping her with these issues? You can't help her with these issues aside from lying your ass off, which I would presume to be very negative. This is so stupid. I'm sorry man, but I think your wife has some major problems. My lun! So if anyone does something many many many years ago that was deemed bad, and over the next 20 somewhat years have proven to be anything but bad, will still be considered a bad person, then I don't know what to say.[
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