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female
,
anonymous
writes: what does it mean when a guy you've been dating says he loves you but is not in love with you? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Hopeful +, writes (15 March 2006):
 I see it as a way of saying "i really care about you a lot and i think you are great but we are not meant to be together".
I think this phrase about an ex of mine. I adore him, nicest guy, smart, funny, successful but at the end of the day we just don't click or work together. Doesn't mean he is a bad person or i'm a bad person, it means that whilst we have a great mutual respect for each other, I'm not his "one" and he's not mine.
Some people find someone like this, someone they admire and enjoy the company of. They get married or whatever and have a fairly happy life. This is fine, each to their own but my personal view is I want someone who makes me genuinely happy and content and someone I make happy and content, not just sorta or fairly happy.
So to me that is the difference between loving and being in love.
Hope this makes sense and helps you.
If I were you - I would consider this an opportunity to get out there and find that person that makes you more happy than you can possibly imagine.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 March 2006): I once heard love described this way. Being in love is like a drug -what can it do for me? True love is many things with emphasis on kindness-what can I do for you? Being in love is about 'getting' over the short term. Love is about 'giving' over the long term. Just something to think about. And yes, love is wonderful and if your partner treats you with respect and wants to give to you, then that's most important aspect of love.
Being in love is one of the great joys of life but it's unrealistic to think the "in love" phase will last forever. The "in love" phase brings people together and gives the relationship the kickstart it needs to get over obstacles and develop the relationship into a wonderful, deep long term relationship.
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A
female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (14 March 2006):
 Generally, it's a way to soften the blow of telling someone that they're not (or not any longer) interested in a relationship with you.
What he's saying is that he "loves" you in the way that you care about the wellbeing of a friend, but isn't "in love" in a romantic way, like you care for a partner.
There isn't much you can do about this unfortunate fact of relationships, other than accept it and try to move on with as much dignity as you can.
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