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female
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anonymous
writes: DO I have the right to ask my boyfriend why he still keeps pictures of him and his ex? They went out about 3 years ago for one year. He says she had many problems, he lied to himself that he was in love with her, but he's still keeping pictures of her with all his memorabilia. Now I know, it's not such a big deal, but whenever I break up with someone I just throw the pics out cos why would I want that reminder? They don't mean anything to me and I won't see them again. She doesn't really feature in his life. Why is he keeping the pics?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2006): Let's turn around the question and have you consider more questions: Why do *you* care about those pictures, and how is it that you came to know about these pictures? Does he have them on public display? How much does he talk about his ex after three years?
It sounds to me like you generally have a problem with trust, and level of trust will be the best predictor of how this relationship will go.
A
female
reader, Hopeful +, writes (16 March 2006):
 It is different for different people.
Some people throw away all the pictures and items that remind them of their former partners, some people don't.
My friend has kept all the pictures of her ex. He was a rotten guy and she is well over him. She has dated other people since and has no feelings of love etc for him BUT she keeps his pictures. Considering how he treated her, I was amazed when she said she would never throw them out.
She says it is part of her history and her life and whilst she doesn't love him or would never get back with him, she doesn't want to throw it all away.
I don't understand this view but to her it makes complete sense and perhaps your boyfriend is similar.
I wouldn't get too worried about it at this stage. If the photos is the only part of their relationship which is hanging around.
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A
male
reader, Dazzerg  +, writes (16 March 2006):
 It seems to me that your bf could simply be the type that does keep things from his past. You said he keeps them in with his memorabilla so obviously this is not the only thing from his past he has kept. There are various reasons he could keep it; far from retaining it as a token of affection he may well keep it as a pictorial reminder to himself to learn the lessons of that relationship which sound like painful ones.
Having said that the answer to your question is yes, you do have the right to ask. Part of knowing the person is knowing their past and so it can be healthy (to a extent) to take an interest. However, i would be careful how you phrase the question since this sounds like a sensitive area of his past about which he has alot of muddled feelings.
I would be interested in a clarification on what you say about 'she doesnt really figure' in his life. Does she still figure in some way or is it just through these pictures? Is there any other involvement which is causing you concern?
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