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*el1Girl
writes: I have been in a fantastic loving relationship for 5 months now. My boyfriend lets me stay at his house every night of the week. He is very giving; for example he cooks, does housework and makes me breakfast in bed.Lately he has been getting irritated that I don't do as much as he does for the household.I cook once a week or fortnight and clean seldom.I do not feel as though I am completely living there because he has not asked me to move in and says that I must prove myself.I feel that I am trying to give all I can, but it feels as if he is keeping me at a safe distance and not completely allowing me into his life, in which case I would actually do my share.What do I do? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, bel2Girl +, writes (21 March 2006):
Hi, Im the original writer. I have started doing more around the house with positive feedback. I feel more a part of the household now, and he told me that he will have to get keys cut for me! I'm very happy how its all worked out and I suppose you have to give a little before you get. Thanks for the advice guys!! :)
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female
reader, missbunbury  +, writes (15 March 2006):
 I'm with mystify on this one - whether it's official or not, you are essentially living there, so where's the harm in helping out a bit? Apart from anything else, if you keep refusing to do so, your man is much less likely to actually want you to officially live there. You need to sell yourself a bit, to make him keen to snap up the whole package!
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reader, mystify +, writes (15 March 2006):
 hi , maybe you should chip in a bit , he sounds lovely...breakfast in bed :) nice!
if you are there every night then that is practically living there anyway and you should do your bit , although as it isnt your home there are limitations as to what you can do , you should keep your own bits tidy but cant be expected to tidy up!(you wouldnt know where anything goes or how he likes to keep it) but you could hoover , help with the cooking , its not good to just be waited on gor free evry night at your boyfriends expense, try cooking together it can be fun!
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female
reader, lisa_01  +, writes (15 March 2006):
 well first of all its not your house so really its not your responsibilty to keep it clean and cook dinner every nite, if your were living there with him then that would be a different story,i do think that because you are staying at his home almost every nite maybe taking responsibilty for things such as if you eat dinner there maybe afterwards clean up your plate or atleast help tidy up after dinner, or maybe if you notice his stressed with work and needs to relax maybe hang out his wet clothes to dry or atleast help him when his doing it, sharing or doing things that are not really your responsibilty shows that your willing to share and do your part, this will then make you more appealing to live with, he probably hs not asked you to move in yet is because he thinks your not putting in, im not saying become his slave and do everything, just help out here and there trust me it will pay off, i would wash plates and cups each morning and when my bf would go for a shower id make his bed, simple things like that, maybe suprise him and turn the tables and give him breakfast in bed and clean up afterwards. but if you dont want to do this i suggest maybe not visiting so often.good luck
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reader, Hopeful +, writes (15 March 2006):
 I don't know how others would see this but I can see his point, you do spend all your time there and he does all the work for the house.
I think you have two options :
(1) Do more - offer to help, cook more often, do the odd bit of dusting or washing or something.
or
(2) Stay at your own place more often, don't give him the satisfaction of having you there but not committing to you. Let him experience coming home to an empty house again and give him time to miss you.
But it also is worth considering that 5 months is a pretty quick time frame to expect an invite to move in! I would pull things back a little and let him miss you, then perhaps look at moving in a few more months.
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