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female
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*aria 549
writes: Is this a normal situation to be in for a 19 year old?I'm 19 years old and I am seeing an older guy who is 41... I know this can't go anywhere because of the age gap being so large(right?) but I dont know what to do I feel trapped. It depresses me to be in this situation it seems so unreal; I never thought it would go this far. I cant focus on other stuff anymore. My parents seem ok with it but they were just shocked at first.Maybe its because they have their own hell to deal with. We both are attached to each other now but at the same time we are sort of resentful towards each other. Like he's really jealous and afraid to lose me. At the same time we were freinds before; we used to hang out with a lot of the same people. We've bin together for 6 months and I cant figure this out...Its crazy... is this almost normal or am I blind? Thankx any suggestions at all would be awesome...
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2006): I too find myself in this kind of bizarre predicament. I am just turned 18 and I recently starting dating a 35 yr old man. Even worse is that he was one of my high school teachers, we actually started dating while i was still in his class.
My advice to you, is try to work it out. Maybe you have to make him understand that if he continues with that fear to lose you and acts on it he will most definitely drive you further away. Now i dont know what he's like, but from personal experience, being with someone twice my age has turned out to be a really good thing. There is so many things that someone older can offer, and Im not talking about just materialistic things, that you wont find in a 20 yr old.
Just try not to stress over it too much, you're young and believe me things could be A LOT worse. Goodluck.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2006): Hello, I am stuck in the same predicament and that is how i came across this, i know you don't feel like he's stealing your youth as nor do i, but the truth is they probably are, they can offer us temporary happiness, if yours is anything like mine you just love being around him and love being with him, i guess i don't have much advice other than to say don't let him interfere with other aspects of your life and if it gets to be too stressful get out of it, but if you can remain more casual and not stressed about everything there is no hurt, don't focus so much on the age as what will come out of the relationship. is it just good to have him there temporarily or is it just going to hurt you in the end? is he slowing you down or holding you back or vise versa... bringing you up and supporting you? just weigh out how this may help or hurt you then go with your heart.
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female
reader, Starrla +, writes (19 March 2006):
 You really shouldn't worry about the age differnce,I know a bunch of couples who's had that age differnce and they've been happy together.So if you really care about him and he cares about you,and your both happy.Then trust me the age shouldn't matter.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 March 2006): Our situations aren't dissimilar and I know where you are coming from. I got together with my b/f when I was 19 and he was 39. I'm now nearly 22 and things are breaking down badly and I have been looking to move out and break things up over the past few days.Like you I knew things weren't right from the early stages of our relationship. I think because it is my first serious relationship and there has been a lot of love despite our problems, that I found it difficult to get out. I felt trapped, and still do, but haven't had the strength or courage to end it. And you can kid yourself that you don't feel like that but it always comes out in the end, and I'd suggest that if you are feeling like this already you need to get out asap because it just gets harder and harder. And you become very unhappy.Best wishes
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reader, juttandmeff  +, writes (16 March 2006):
I agree with hopeful. It sounds from your choice of words that you've already written off this relationship regardless of the age gap. If he was 19 too, and you resented him and felt trapped and depressed by how things were going, you'd leave, right? It strikes me that the age gap isn't the problem, its the relationship itself. So, go. Get out, and enjoy yourself. And good luck.
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female
reader, Hopeful +, writes (16 March 2006):
 I think you need to forget the age gap from your mind and concentrate on the relationship. Personally I think that there are bigger issues at play here than simply the age gap - the words you use 'trapped', 'resentment' etc sound like the relationship is basically unhappy and no matter what your ages were, that is not good to hear.
I think you need to really analyse what you want out of life and if this older man can actually give you what you want and make you happy. If he can't, I think it is time to walk away.
On the age gap issue, I would really consider your plans for the future and if he can give you this. What about kids? travel? career? further study? - are these goals of yours and if they are, can he give them to you or is he entering a different phase of his life which is incompatible with yours.
I would take few days to yourself, go away for a weekend by yourself and sit down and really consider what you are looking for from life and what sort of man you really need to help you achieve that.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2006): Get out of this relationship even if you have to join the Navy to do so. Believe me, many 40+ year old men want a relationship with a young women, but far too often it is for selfish reasons (Look at the long term - what are the benefits for you compared to those for him? Essentially, he's stealing your youth, and from the sound of things he's got nothing to give you in return.) Nothing good can come from such a troubled relationship, so you owe it to yourself to make a clean break. Do so immediately. Good luck.
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