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female
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anonymous
writes: Hello everyone! After having to come to terms with my boyfriend's first love being a very good friend of his, he's asked me to befriend her and her boyfriend. The issue is this.... I work with her boyfriend and can't stand him. He's even phoned me and had a go at me for absolutely nothing. WE've kept up a fake, nice, civil friendship. He keeps telling ppl he likes me and senses I don't like him. Idiot. I've controlled my anger too times around him because he's a friend of my boyfriend's too. So the ex girlfriend... well let's just say I'd like to buy her a personality. She's never had anything to say to me and I'm very uncomfortable around her, so what do you think? Should I attempt to be friends with these ppl for my boyfriend? I guess I have to cos he's asked me and she's still a very very close friend of his. I just don't think I should be fake anymore, I joke about her and her boyfriend all the time with my girlfriends. I have a little too much fun taking the piss out of them. Am I setting myself up to fail? In all honesty, I don't want to be friends with them, but I run into them so often. In an ideal world my boyfriend would just grow apart from them, but it won't happen. Can I have a real friendship with a woman i'm so uncomfortable around?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2007): You have an interesting situation. What I would ask is how well you know your boyfriend and how much do you value him, both as a friend and as your boyfriend? Is your relationship with your boyfriend worth all this?
A
female
reader, Hopeful +, writes (16 March 2006):
 I would say to your boyfriend that you feel a little uncomfortable around the ex's partner and you are happy to catch up with them every now and again but would rather mix it up and spend some more time with other friends as well.
I think it is one of those things which unfortunately you will have to compromise on and see them every now and again for your boyfriend's sake but make sure that he compromises too - you shouldn't be seeing them every day!
Perhaps as well, try and introduce some of your mates to this click for safety every now and again. If you all go out for drinks, suggest that some of your mates wouldn't mind dropping in for a while. This will give yourself a bit of a buffer from the ex and her boyfriend and will still allow your boyfriend to be mates with them.
Whatever you do, don't restrict your boyfriend from seeign them as it will just lead to resentment and annoyance.
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A
female
reader, juliagulia  +, writes (15 March 2006):
 From the sounds of it, you will have to make some kind of effort to get along with them if you want to keep you guy around. I doubt you have any reason whatsoever to be insecure around his ex and if she has no personality, then I guess she will be easy for you to get along with! Her guy sounds like someone you really don't want to be around, so just tell your guy that -- honestly, you don't really care for that guy very much, but you will go out with them occasionally to keep the peace so long as sometimes when he hangs out with them, you can be spared the experience as you would rather spend time with your girlfriends than with some guy you don't like very much. I am sure he will understand. But watch it with the cattiness about his ex, if it gets back around to him and he truly cares for her as a friend, you may just piss him off enough to lose him. Good luck!
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