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... Send *oneyross a private message | | | *oneyross's profile:I'm a school teacher and have a graduate degree in psychology. I've been through a lot in my life and have seen people in a lot of psychological pain.
I'm in a happy, committed relationship; but my relationships haven't always been good.
I just want to help but I know that often I can't give the best advice because I don't have the full story, or I simply just don't have the knowledge or experience. |
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Are we moving too fast?
Q. Hi Aunties! How are you? It's been a while since I've been on here, a lot has happened since last time I came on here. I broke up with the boyfriend that had me dazed and confused. But moving on to my question. I have been single for probably ...
A. 16 December 2009: Why not? If both of you enjoy each chatting to each other and think you might enjoy each other's company there is no problem.
You should think about a few things and prepare yourself emotionally, though. When we break up with people we feel lon... (read in full...)
I'm in a sexless marriage wanting more
Q. I'm in a sexless marriage now for over a year--irregular for 3 years prior to that. counseling hasn't seemed to help. I've been seriously thinking of a "friends with benefits" type of relationship rather than an outright affair and would like to ...
A. 27 February 2009: This is a more liberal response than you'll probably get from many others.
People need intimacy, including that of a sexual kind. This is a basic need and long periods without it can have a negative impact on a person's life.
A husband sho... (read in full...)
Should I continue to work at this job?
Q. I'm really embarassed.I work in a shop which is very difficult,i have to run up and down a long flight of steps,and carry heavy boxes sometimes, so i am bound to get warm.Today,the person in charge pulled me to one side and told me that some ...
A. 28 October 2008: You're better than these people, so don't let them bring you down.
I think the way the person in charge dealt with the situation is inappropriate and evident of really poor managerial skills! I actually doubt that a customer complained - I wouldn... (read in full...)
I dumped this no good for a boyfriend but why won't he get out of my head??
Q. Hi, I posted about 6 weeks ago about this guy I had been seeing. In a nutshell, he cheated, lied and had me believe we had something special going on. I walked away and we had no communication for a month. Then he mailed me, asking me if I had a ...
A. 26 October 2008: I think the problem is the studies you've been doing - you've been analyzing yourself and what you had with this love rat too much. I think you know that you can't 'fix' him and that he's a waste of time. When I wrote my psychology thesi... (read in full...)
I cheated on my husband, and now the guy I cheated with won't leave me alone. Can I save my marriage ?
Q. I am new to this site - I guess I am desparate to talk to somebody about this problem and feel like I cannot even trust my friends. I have been married for 10 years and have a daughter. I have never cheated on him before in my marriage. He was ...
A. 24 October 2008: Maybe you should try telling this guy that you can't talk to him for a while - you could make it a month or so. I don't know what kind of communication you have/have had with him but maybe he's confusing your kindness and care for possible ... (read in full...)
How long is too long without sex?
Q. I'm just wondering how long is too long without sex? I know people have different sex drives but just wanting to get some personal opinions really. how long would you go without sex before you got unhappy with your partner and wanted explanations? ...
A. 24 October 2008: I'd agree with you - two weeks is quite long for a couple not to be having sex. I think once or twice a week is the norm.
It's a very difficult issue to raise with a partner but it has to be done. It's very problematic for a relationship if the n... (read in full...)
As my feelings got stronger he got more distant (he is bisexual), should I move on?
Q. I thought my best guy friend fancied me.. he went to kiss me a few times (proper kisses) in the bar and all through the summer i developed feelings for him. as my feelings got stronger he got more distant (he is bisexual) We went out last weeke...
A. 12 August 2008: It seems as if he's exploring his sexuality and is not ready to settle down with one person.
He probably became more distant after you showed how you felt because he wants to protect both you and himself from a potentially inevitable let-down... (read in full...)
He doesn't know what he wants, I keep being dumped and picked up again.
Q. My boyfriend have been on and off for years. After 5 years i asked him are you sure you really want me?Because lately id been feeling like im more than a nuisance in his life. He spends time going places and doing things with his mates sayin im not ...
A. 31 July 2008: It seems as if he likes having you there when it suits him. Rather than being lonely and having to confront himself he has you waiting in the wings as a support. He probably talked about getting engaged because he felt he might lose you unless he ... (read in full...)
How do you come to accept the sexual side of yourself??
Q. How do you come to terms with your sexuality? I have difficulty with this. Once I had a few too many beers and things went gone further than I would have liked with a guy that I had met and a girl friend of mine. Full sex wasn't involved. I feel ...
A. 29 June 2008: To me it sounds as if you've got no reason to feel guilty or ashamed. Sex is a completely normal and natural need that all people have and which is directed towards different people at sometimes unexpected times. You are right in saying that your ... (read in full...)
Is it possible to fall pregnant in this situation?
Q. hi, is it possible for a girl to get pregnant if a boy an a girl have just there underwear on while kissing on the bed on top of eachother an the boy has a boner?...
A. 6 June 2008: I wouldn't worry about it. The chances of falling pregnant in this case are really very small. The boy would have to have had a lot of precum and been in exactly the critical place for quite a long time for any possible sperm to get through two ... (read in full...)
I'm too scared to admit my sexuality
Q. Hi cupid,i think im gay but im too scared to admit it to anyone. I go on gay chat but i woulnd't ever tell anyone? I'm only 14 and like girls and boys but boys more what should I do? Also I had sex with a boy!And now afraid he might tell someo...
A. 18 May 2008: Society is better than it used to be, but many people still don't accept homosexuality because they don't understand that it's normal. Many young people aren't really homophobic but they could go along with homophobic bullying just because their ... (read in full...)
I am attracted to another woman at work, how can I find out if she is the same way without letting on?
Q. I am a 30 year old woman, I am attracted to another woman at work. It is a very awkward situation. How can I find out if she is the same way without letting on?...
A. 18 May 2008: The best way is to try to make friends with her because in this way you can learn more about her lifestyle and whether she has a boyfriend, etc. The tricky thing is you'd have to be careful not to disclose too many details about your own life ... (read in full...)
I asked if she wanted me to go to Spain with her. She hasn't replied. Was it too much?
Q. Ok i met this girl in march that i really like, im 33 and she is 26. She is a really nice girl, kind, considerate, caring, and is into the same sort of things i like. We have been out on 3 dates, the first two were just a drink, and the third was ...
A. 15 May 2008: She probably hasn't responded because she doesn't know how to say 'no'. She might need the time to herself - that's why she arranged to go away alone, probably.
I don't think she wouldn't want to see you again for that reason - most very keen guy... (read in full...)
Attempting anal in premiere - any tips to make the experience more enjoyable and less painful?
Q. I am a 17 year old gay male and I am thinking about having anal sex for the first time with my best friend im a little nervous but excited at the same time does anybody have some tips or advice to help me make the experience more enjoyable or less ...
A. 19 April 2008: The first couple of times are a bit sore, so you'll need lots of lubricant - specially formulated anal lube which can be bought in sex shops is best. Positioning is important. Both of you could try lying on your sides, or you could try from o... (read in full...)
Do men enjoy getting oral sex more than normal intercourse?
Q. Do men enjoy getting oral sex more than normal intercourse? Personally I'd rather skip intercourse to worry less about getting pregnant. Any opinions?...
A. 19 April 2008: I don't think most men enjoy oral more than normal intercourse. Being inside your partner is a different kind of enjoyment to receiving oral sex - the movement of intercourse involves the whole body. I don't think most men would be happy with ju... (read in full...)
Could I be gay?
Q. I was looking for some heterosexual porn trailers to masturbate 2 and I did I was masturbating and a gay/bi trailer came on and I continued now I'm questioning my orientation. I have a girlfriend and I'm usually more excited but I wasn't and more ...
A. 3 April 2008: You can't 'become gay' just by watching porn. It's completely normal for straight teens to get turned on by any sort of porn.
Stop worrying. It doesn't matter at this stage. When you're about 17 years old you'll probably have a clearer idea of ... (read in full...)
Please tell us how can we satisfy our feelings without sex or oral kisses?
Q. I love my g/f very much, i'm 21 and she's 19. I even want to marry her...and she too wants marry me....but whenever we go for a long drive... we make lots of love. Sometimes we get horny...but i have not touched her naked body or lip kissed her y...
A. 29 March 2008: Cuddling a lot can reduce the need to have sex. You could watch TV, or a DVD together and just hold each other close. If you start getting too horny, get up and distract yourself.... (read in full...)
How can I reduce my sexual interest??
Q. I am not getting sexual satisfaction as i have expected that minimum once or twice a day with my wife. But my wife is not ready to cope up with this, she simply forcefully agrees and shows no interest. This becomes a big headache for me. I dont w...
A. 29 March 2008: You shouldn't try to physically reduce your libido through drugs, etc. A healthy sexual appetite is a sign of good health.
If you gradually reduce the amount of sex you have, your body will also need it a little less often.
I wouldn't suggest... (read in full...)
I keep flitting between anger and upset and I genuinely do not know what to do.
Q. Hi After being suspicious of my boyfriend's relationship with an ex over the past few weeks due to strange messages on his myspace and him becoming withdrawn and weird, I recently discovered that he had been texting her inappropriate messages...
A. 19 March 2008: It's not fair being treated this way by anyone. You may feel that it would be too difficult to leave him because you're probably in an emotionally vulnerable state at the moment. Please consider how he's actually contributing to your depression.... (read in full...)
His libido decreased, whereas I have a tenacious sexual appetite and feel frustrated! What can be done??
Q. I am a gay male and have been in a committed relationship with a man for 3.5 years, living together for two of those years. We love each other intensely, but it seems that he hardly wants to be touched by me anymore. We have sex about once a month, ...
A. 9 March 2008: Although it's a very sensitive issue, especially for him, I think it's best to talk about it. Sex is an important part of a relationship because it's what makes it different from just a friendship. Also, for a relationship to work properly, your ... (read in full...)
Why is he watching porn so often?
Q. I just found out my BF watches porn just about 3times a week. We have sex together about more than 5times a week and its always great. I think I am very good looking girl and I love sex .. I do whatever and I am not shy at all ... I found on his...
A. 7 February 2008: Your boyfriend probably started watching porn a long time ago - possibly in his teens. Masturbating over the images and fantasies became a habit, and a part of his sexuality which he won't be able to give up very easily. Porn probably used to... (read in full...)
Are my pubic hairs normal?
Q. Ok, so i have this question. I've always wondered why but now i want to find out why. My situation is i have different coloured pubic hairs around my penis. Literally there are some hairs that are black on the top half and white on the bottom ha...
A. 27 January 2008: It's unusual, but completely normal. Hair colour is affected by the skin pigmentation of the area.
If you're worried, you could shave the bottom half, or you could shave everything to make it less noticeable. Your short-term sexual partners... (read in full...)
How to say it's over
Q. he wont even hug me anymore - i know i am a beautiful and desireable woman, this is over and i must tell him...
A. 27 January 2008: It's very easy to think that you have to blame yourself, but, in reality it's the other person who's decision / problem it is.
You may have just drifted apart. This could have happened for many reasons - some 'his fault', others 'your fault', ... (read in full...)
I am stressed about my exams...any tips to help me study?
Q. dear cupid i am currently under stress as i have my AS level exams coming up in January and i can't be able to get the work. i am not able to get the work as i get distracted easily and now i am scared of failing. is their any way of me gett...
A. 17 December 2007: Try giving yourself a little reward after working solidly for 30 or 40 minutes. This could be a chocolate, or anything else that makes you feel good. After doing three sessions of 30/40 minutes you could give yourself a bigger reward - watch a DVD ... (read in full...)
Do I have a problem with sex?
Q. My Penis is too small. I have had only 1 partner and when see saw my penis she said "is That It" a week later she left me because my penis is to small. I worried that i cant please a women.....
A. 5 December 2007: Some women are really shallow and think that the size of a man's penis is more important than who he is and what he does in bed. These women aren't worth worrying about. Your confidence should not be affected by the size of your penis. The most ... (read in full...)
My wife has given me permission to have a sex buddy....is it a bad idea??
Q. My 46 year old wife is going through the menopause and has lost her sex drive to the point she has no desire for me or any other man on earth. I asked her to use her hand or to give me oral sex and she refused. She told me to find a woman that is ...
A. 29 November 2007: I seriously think you are entering dangerous ground by sleeping with this woman.
Your wife may be suggesting this friend because she feels that nothing will come of you seeing her, and she'd rather you do it with someone she knows, but you'll b... (read in full...)
How do I know if I am pleasing him.
Q. Hi I have been with my boyfriend for 7 months now, he is a very wonderful guy, he treats me very good and I think we have something very special here. We have a very open relationship we can talk about past sex experiences without having any ...
A. 23 October 2007: I think it depends on the person, but usually men and women enjoy the thrill of teaching their partners new things. Many people also like their lovers to introduce new ideas too. This can be done gradually to see how they'll react to the new ... (read in full...)
Dating advice, can anyone give me advice on what to do on a date?
Q. Can anyone give me advice on dating? I now have confidence to ask girls out but I have no idea what to do on the date. And please do not say "just be yourself" because I already know this....
A. 8 October 2007: The most important thing is to relax as much as possible.
Don't get into that whole "I wonder what she's thinking" thing. It's best to just treat her as a friend and not worry about anything more. The more worried you become, the more you'll s... (read in full...)
He doesn't want me anymore. How can I respond properly to his comments about me?
Q. Sorry for this silly question, but trying to decide how to respond to my future x, he informs me after 5 years of being together, that he can't totally commit to me because he needs a different body type to keep him turned on, and I lack certain p...
A. 19 September 2007: I think it's quite likely that he's making these comments because he feels insecure about himself and he won't admit to himself that the relationship isn't working partly due to his own shortcomings. He's blaming you because he doesn't want to see ... (read in full...)
Does her starting smoking again mean she doesn't care about me anymore??
Q. I met my girlfriend in England 6 months ago and we both love each other very much! She lives in Turkey and returned 1 month ago trying to get visa to return and study. Whilst she was in England she quit smoking, she said that it was all because of ...
A. 1 September 2007: Ex-smokers still have very strong cravings and sometimes it's very easy to slip back into smoking when you're stressed, worried, or are simply around friends who smoke. Nicotine is one of the most physically addictive drugs. I wouldn't see thi... (read in full...)
I'm getting married and feel guilty about thinking about the guy I saw a few years ago.
Q. I was seeing a bloke 4 years ago for about a month, I hadnt told anyone and just kept it quiet. I really liked him but got scared and called it all off. I now realise that it was because Ive never met anyone so nice and was scared that if i let him ...
A. 22 August 2007: I think you're right in saying that the reason why he enters your thoughts is that there was no closure on whatever you had with him. The thought remains - what if I had tried to make it last? Would it have been better than what I have now?
You s... (read in full...)
He visited prostitutes and wants me to forget about it! I love him but don't respect him!
Q. I have just found out my h has been sleeping with prostitutes while I was pregnant. Bub now 8 weeks old. Says he wont do it again, doesn't want to destroy our family (also have 2 yo) but has never really apologized and is acting as if nothing has ...
A. 7 July 2007: It may be true that he'll never do it again but he should admit that breaking your trust is something that can't just be glossed over. From his perspective - as silly as it sounds, a man's sexual ability is very closely tied to his self-esteem ... (read in full...)
She treats me nice one minute and ignores me the next...move on or what?
Q. Hey, i am in a quite a hurtful situation and need some other help. My G/f of 4 years and I went on a break at her request. However i feel this break is a break up as she has no desire to get back with me anytime soon. I can accept this but she is ...
A. 9 June 2007: To me it looks as if she is wanting to move on. If she loved you she wouldn't be behaving in this way. "Where there is doubt, there is no doubt".
She probably isn't lying when she says she misses you and is then cold to you. This is pretty n... (read in full...)
He's a great guy who has a flaw--he never shows up for many of our dates! Dump him or not?
Q. I need some advice!, I finally found a guy who I really like he's nice, funny, romantic, well u get me, the whole package! He calls me every single night but... he has a flaw! we always make plans and he never shows this has hapened multiple times ...
A. 19 May 2007: It's really not fair of him to do this to you. You have every right to be angry.
He's toying with you. He thinks that you'll like him even if he messes you around, and some guys really enjoy the feeling of power this gives them.
No matter how... (read in full...)
I always go for relationships that are complicated and have little chance for success.Why do I do this?
Q. Hi, I'm so confused. Ever since I was little I get this wierd feeling, almost like guilt when ever someone likes me. I've only ever been in one r/s and he treated me badly yet I still wanted to go back to him. I have met other guys who treat me well ...
A. 28 April 2007: It's really good that you have discovered this about yourself at your young age. Many women, without the awareness that you have, go through their adult years being emotionally abused by strings of men.
You can put a stop to this by trying t... (read in full...)
Should I email him or wait until I see if he emails me first?
Q. Ok i started this job last summer, and there i met this great guy, whom is ten years older that me, im 20 and he is 30 but that not an issue. He is funny smart, fit, and attractive. We had been doing some major flirting by way of eye contact, ...
A. 8 April 2007: You might both be playing the waiting game. The problem with being the first to make a move is that you risk rejection (what if he doesn't reply, or brushes you off?). The alternative is not to contact him (so the thinking goes - "if he liked... (read in full...)
Im a teenager. Is it normal for me to be attracted to both sexes?
Q. Dear Agony Aunts. Im a teenager. Is it normal for me to be attracted to both sexes?Thanks for your help....
A. 1 April 2007: Absolutely normal at your age. Many people go through periods where they fall in love with a person regardless of whether the person's male or female.
Over time you'll be able to work out whether you're mostly straight, mostly bi, or mostly g... (read in full...)
How do I break free of this obsessive, thought pattern. Any tips?
Q. Every new relationship i form with someone, i enter thinking that may be i will get something from them that i have been craving for since young. So i am quite excited. Soon i realize, i may not get what i want and get disappointed and develop ...
A. 1 April 2007: Perhaps what you have is what they call 'Low Frustration Tolerance'.
To really 'get into' things there is always a period of frustration which, if you're patient, might help you appreciate investment of time in activities and people.
Most im... (read in full...)
Im feeling so down all the time, tried all the usual but cant get in to gear.. please help!
Q. I just feel fed up all the time. It's as if a light has gone out and i can't get it back. My bloke is great, but i just cannot pull out of this black hole. People say go to the doctors but i dont want to be on some long term anti depressants and end ...
A. 23 March 2007: Don't feel as if anti-depressants will turn you into a dependent 'zombie'. A lot of the time, they lift you out of a negative-thinking loop so that your mind can develop more positive patterns.
Once you have developed the new thinking and beha... (read in full...)
How can I get him to be more interested in ME and not keep looking at porn all the time?
Q. Hi I have been married for 1.7 years we are both 22 and we have a beautiful daughter who is 14 months and we have been together for 2.6 years now I love my husband sooo much and I know he loves me but the thing is he looks at porn online he ...
A. 26 February 2007: Pornography often starts as a way to fuel fantasy, and can then become an addiction. Unless the addiction becomes out of control, it is usually not considered too much of a threat to a relationship (sometimes porn can actually save a ... (read in full...)
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